Singles | Imamother

amother

Mon, Jan 06 2020, 7:15 pm

I think it’s obvious to say that having a single male, sleep over for a shabbos could be a little different than a female.
Am I wrong?
When I think about if one of DHs friends wanted to stay for shabbos it wouldn’t occur to me as anything..

Would you ever have a single woman sleep by you for shabbos plus meals?
Not a close friend.. someone you don’t know that well. A mutual friend I guess.
I ended up not going with it because it didn’t work out and it just occurred to me today that actually... why would I ever have said yes!? Why did I plan to say yes but it didn’t work out?
That sleeping elsewhere maybe an older couple.. older family - we are the same age- and coming for meals is appropriate. But sleeping over?
What was I thinking in the first place that I’d consider yes.

Thoughts?

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Jan 06 2020, 7:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think it’s obvious to say that having a single male, sleep over for a shabbos could be a little different than a female.
Am I wrong?
When I think about if one of DHs friends wanted to stay for shabbos it wouldn’t occur to me as anything..

Would you ever have a single woman sleep by you for shabbos plus meals?
Not a close friend.. someone you don’t know that well. A mutual friend I guess.
I ended up not going with it because it didn’t work out and it just occurred to me today they actually.. why would I ever have said yes???
That sleeping elsewhere maybe an older couple.. older family - we are the same age- and coming for meals is appropriate. But sleeping over?
What was I thinking in the first place that I’d consider yes.

Thoughts?

I guess I don't really see the difference, assuming that you have a room for them. In fact, if I had to choose, I'd allow a woman to stay with us before I'd choose a man. Lower crime/violence risk.

amother

Mon, Jan 06 2020, 7:22 pm

amother [ Lemon ] wrote:

What's the difference between having a single man or a single woman? Personally, I would feel more comfortable with a woman, actually.

I guess bc men are less chatty
Or atleast not with me
The people I’m thinking of as DHs friends want to see DH..
Women tend to be a lot more chatty

Perhaps my problem is with this specific person who really chats up men

amother

Mon, Jan 06 2020, 7:24 pm

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

I guess I don't really see the difference, assuming that you have a room for them. In fact, if I had to choose, I'd allow a woman to stay with us before I'd choose a man. Lower crime/violence risk.

Yeah.. I agree with that.

Ive had my own single female friends stay over before- not a worry at all. Because they’re my friends and I’m close with them.
But someone I don’t know idk.. makes me uncomfortable

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Jan 06 2020, 7:26 pm

There is no blanket answer. It depends on so many factors.
How comfortable you feel with her, how comfortable dh feels with her, her personality...

amother

Mon, Jan 06 2020, 7:29 pm

amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:

There is no blanket answer. It depends on so many factors.
How comfortable you feel with her, how comfortable dh feels with her, her personality...

Yeah I’m realizing that after a couple of responses.

I would not feel this way with a close friend of mine- it’s this woman specifically and the fact I don’t really know her.

amother

Red

Mon, Jan 06 2020, 7:43 pm

and this is what is so disturbing/wrong with frum society today.

your post was basically the equivalent of:
-all single women are aliens, the women even more so than men.
-ok maybe not all single women. maybe just the ones I know.
-actually there is one I know that isnt very alienish at all.
-actually the truth is anyone can be an alien depends on the individual.
-ok never mind not all single women are aliens.

however the instinctive reaction was- all single women are aliens.
its so sad. It would be so nice if we could be more inclusive and accepting.

amother

Crimson

Mon, Jan 06 2020, 8:01 pm

There are people who don’t host non family members. Especially if they have teenagers at home. Many won’t host for sleeping if the bedrooms are not private. I live in a small apt. I would not host singles for sleeping- not male nor female.

Ema of 5

Mon, Jan 06 2020, 8:43 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We have had single males and single females sleep over/eat meals with us, and (shock and horror) we’ve even had single males and females sleep over at the same time!!

amother

Mon, Jan 06 2020, 8:47 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

Not at all actually.
I really couldn’t figure out within myself what bothered me about this.
So I came to a place where others could give their opinions, since I was not sure why I felt this way.
And in the past, I have had close friends who are single stay over. Nowhere did I imply all singles are aliens.

I’m sorry it offended you so much.

amother

Mon, Jan 06 2020, 8:49 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

We have had single males and single females sleep over/eat meals with us, and (shock and horror) we’ve even had single males and females sleep over at the same time!!

How did you plan that out to work? Curious..

Ema of 5

Mon, Jan 06 2020, 9:34 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How did you plan that out to work? Curious..

BH we have 3 guest rooms (two upstairs in a separate floor, and one downstairs on the main floor- our bedrooms are all on the middle floor) plus if need be our kids don’t mind giving up their rooms.

nchr

Mon, Jan 06 2020, 9:36 pm

Yes, I have single men and single women sleep at my house for Shabbos all the time. Single females are easier for me to host. I have guest rooms in my basement, but often have guests, including singles, sleep in our regular rooms.

Chayalle

Mon, Jan 06 2020, 9:40 pm

Everyone has to do what suits their comfort zone. For myself, I won't host single male guests on the same floor that my girls sleep. Females would be no problem. DH does not shmooze with them anyway.

ectomorph

Mon, Jan 06 2020, 9:42 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

We have had single males and single females sleep over/eat meals with us, and (shock and horror) we’ve even had single males and females sleep over at the same time!!

??? That's not normal