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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
boots
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 10:34 am
Do you discuss your kids' challenges with your friends or relatives or do you think that violates their privacy? What are your boundaries? Would you mention to a friend that your child is in therapy? Would you discuss a specific issue with your friend to get advice, or feedback or just vent? Would you discuss certain things but not others? Health issues? Emotional issues? Learning issues? Personality issues?
When I was a kid I once overheard my mother talking about a sibling's problem in school with one of her friends. I remember being completely horrified. Now I find myself occasionally doing the same thing, at least with my younger ones.
How do you balance between your need to talk and the desire to protect your kids?
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ssspectacular
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 10:39 am
Kids ae people! I don't think we should discuss them negatively unless it's toeles.
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amother
Ginger
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 10:49 am
I never discuss my kids issue's with anyone, not even parents. It's not fair to the kids.
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amother
Indigo
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 11:37 am
ssspectacular wrote: | Kids ae people! I don't think we should discuss them negatively unless it's toeles. |
That is indeed the actual halacha.
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FranticFrummie
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 12:45 pm
It depends. I always asked DD how she felt about it first. 99% of the time she would shrug and say "Who cares?" Just because one kid is OK with it, doesn't mean you can assume everyone is so laid back and unselfconscious.
Other kids would be mortified and scarred for life. You have to be sensitive to their personalities and feelings. Sometimes they can't find their words, so you have to watch their body language. Err on the side of protecting them until you hear directly from them what you can give over, and what needs to stay in the family.
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amother
Tan
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 12:51 pm
FranticFrummie wrote: | It depends. I always asked DD how she felt about it first. 99% of the time she would shrug and say "Who cares?" Just because one kid is OK with it, doesn't mean you can assume everyone is so laid back and unselfconscious.
Other kids would be mortified and scarred for life. You have to be sensitive to their personalities and feelings. Sometimes they can't find their words, so you have to watch their body language. Err on the side of protecting them until you hear directly from them what you can give over, and what needs to stay in the family. |
I don't think a 12 year old kid always knows how she will feel about it a decade later.
I realize the great temptation to share your troubles with others, but I think it's best to protect your kid's privacy as much as possible.
It's tough to know when to start doing this. I mean, when the kid is two you feel free to share all their tantrums and toilet problems with the whole world. So when do you stop?
Best to err on the side of privacy. I'd say any very sensitive issues should stay private. And by age 10, I would stop sharing anything very negative.
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amother
Bronze
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 12:58 pm
I share like the normal frustrations--this kid was putting up a fuss about homework, that kid keeps popping out of bed with a million excuses to avoid bedtime etc. But if there's an actual issue or struggle, like someone is going through a hard time at school or with friends, then I'm sensitive about privacy and don't share.
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mha3484
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 1:10 pm
I think it depends on the issue and what you are gaining from talking about it. I use my seichel. I dont tell everyone I meet that my kid has issues but there are times when its beneficial to talk about it.
For my kid with ADHD, I talk to friends whose kids have similar challenges. Its nice to share what has worked for us and what has not. I work hard to teach my son that having ADHD is not a bad thing and that he should never feel embarrassed about it. Extreme secrecy just sends him the message he should be ashamed or embarrassed.
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Ema of 5
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 1:15 pm
When it needs to be spoken about, it is spoken about. I don’t go just blabbing info to anyone, but I sometimes need to get advice from people, or just vent. I always try to do it when my kid isn’t around though.
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tigerwife
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 1:20 pm
How about sharing pictures and videos of your children to thousands of strangers on SM? It will be interesting to say how our children’s generation grows up with this huge lack of privacy.
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Ema of 5
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 1:52 pm
tigerwife wrote: | How about sharing pictures and videos of your children to thousands of strangers on SM? It will be interesting to say how our children’s generation grows up with this huge lack of privacy. |
I don’t post pictures of myself or my kids on social media. I only share pictures with my parents and sisters, and only thins that I know won’t embarrass them.
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