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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
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amother
OP
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 Wed, Jan 08 2020, 8:10 am
I'm having a siblings wedding coming up. my parents are not giving me any money to rent gowns, hair appointment etc. I have no problem with that. I'm taking care of it all on my own without complaint.
My single sibs are all mad at me that I'm being such a stick in the mud. I'm wearing a gown from a friend (for free) and my kids are also wearing borrowed gowns. everyone will look put together and nice but maybe not glamorous and up to date.
I don't have the money to spend on looking top notch. my siblings are all upset that I'm not into all the prep, not renting myself a stunning gown etc. and that I don't care what I look like...
I really do care. but I'm only doing what's in my means. babysitting during sheva brachos each night etc is going to cost me $200 plus and that's more than I even have to spend. This is all I can do and if everyone cares so much they can actual sponsor the money for it.
am I wrong? am I supposed to push myself just so everyone should be happy with how my family looks etc? Please help me feel better about what I'm doing!
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allthingsblue
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 8:11 am
You are not wrong at all.
Your siblings need to grow up.
Stand firm! (And continue being polite  )
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cozyblanket
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 8:14 am
| allthingsblue wrote: | You are not wrong at all.
Your siblings need to grow up.
Stand firm! (And continue being polite ) |
This!
Live within your means.
If your siblings can afford a lot, good for them. If they can't and they are spending anyway, that's unfortunate.
You are doing the right thing.
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allthingsblue
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 8:16 am
| cozyblanket wrote: | This!
Live within your means.
If your siblings can afford a lot, good for them. If they can't and they are spending anyway, that's unfortunate.
You are doing the right thing. |
She said they are single, so they likely are not familiar with the stress of being in debt vs the menuchas hanefesh of living within one's means. They also may not realize that no one will remember how they looked at the wedding.
Luckily they have a wise sister who can be a great role model for them!
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amother
Ruby
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 8:16 am
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You are not wrong! I had 5 siblings weddings between my parents and in laws in the past 2 years and I wore the same gown to each!!!!! My sisters made fun of me but who cares?? I do what I can! My kids looked adorable in their gemach gowns.
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rivkam
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 8:28 am
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They dont understand the ins and outs of your financial situation. You're doing what you can. That's great
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amother
OP
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 8:33 am
Woah! thank you all for your replies!!
that feels better 
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Amarante
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 8:45 am
As others have pointed out, in your situation, "single" seems to be the operative in terms of your siblings having unrealistic ideas of what one should spend.
One would hope that by the time they are married and have children, they realize that there are more important things to spend money on than the latest fashions to "impress" people.
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amother
Wheat
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 8:52 am
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Indeed, they should put their money where their mouths are. If they're not paying for you get a more expensive gown, brand new matching wedding clothes for the kids etc, they don't get to comment!
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BetsyTacy
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 8:58 am
I do love when all imas agree.
OP, you are good to go!
I am sorry to hear about the babysitter fees. It is something that no one thinks about until they are in your shoes.
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Ruchel
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 9:03 am
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why does it matter you're not the kallo
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avrahamama
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 9:08 am
Why wouldn't you look out together just because it's a borrowed gown instead of rented? Just because someone spends money on something doesn't mean it's that great.
"I'm in top of it. My kids and I are going to look and feel fabulous and participate in the simcha. BH the the kallah and chosson are going to outshine us all and that's what's important."
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ddmom
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 9:34 am
You're doing amazing!
You know it's the right decision, you'll look great and your kids too! Too bad if they have a problem with it!
(Many,many people go to weddings with borrowed gowns and survived to tell the tale!  )
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just me!!
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 10:29 am
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waste to pay so much money for one night!!
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amother
Denim
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 10:44 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | I'm having a siblings wedding coming up. my parents are not giving me any money to rent gowns, hair appointment etc. I have no problem with that. I'm taking care of it all on my own without complaint.
My single sibs are all mad at me that I'm being such a stick in the mud. I'm wearing a gown from a friend (for free) and my kids are also wearing borrowed gowns. everyone will look put together and nice but maybe not glamorous and up to date.
I don't have the money to spend on looking top notch. my siblings are all upset that I'm not into all the prep, not renting myself a stunning gown etc. and that I don't care what I look like...
I really do care. but I'm only doing what's in my means. babysitting during sheva brachos each night etc is going to cost me $200 plus and that's more than I even have to spend. This is all I can do and if everyone cares so much they can actual sponsor the money for it.
am I wrong? am I supposed to push myself just so everyone should be happy with how my family looks etc? Please help me feel better about what I'm doing! |
You're renting a gown. You're just renting it from a friend, for free, instead of giving money to a stranger.
Unless the gown is Gunne Sax from 1974, I'm not seeing the issue here. Do people really buy clothes to wear only once, and its declasse to re-wear? Even teh British royals wear their clothes more than once!
Mazel tov. Go. Enjoy.
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Wife1
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 10:57 am
Op good going
It's hard to be the "nebby" one but your doing the right thing
And honestly no one cares what you wear
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HonesttoGod
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 11:10 am
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Record their feelings and in 10 years when the youngest is getting married and they’re all going through it remind them what they told you.
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essie14
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 11:22 am
| amother [ Denim ] wrote: | You're renting a gown. You're just renting it from a friend, for free, instead of giving money to a stranger.
Unless the gown is Gunne Sax from 1974, I'm not seeing the issue here. Do people really buy clothes to wear only once, and its declasse to re-wear? Even teh British royals wear their clothes more than once!
Mazel tov. Go. Enjoy. |
I agree completely.
Mazal tov on the wedding. I'm sure you and your children will all look beautiful and you won't have the anxiety of not being able to pay your bills this month. Go, you!
Unless someone is paying for a fancier dress, they have NO SAY in what you wear.
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Cheiny
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 11:40 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | I'm having a siblings wedding coming up. my parents are not giving me any money to rent gowns, hair appointment etc. I have no problem with that. I'm taking care of it all on my own without complaint.
My single sibs are all mad at me that I'm being such a stick in the mud. I'm wearing a gown from a friend (for free) and my kids are also wearing borrowed gowns. everyone will look put together and nice but maybe not glamorous and up to date.
I don't have the money to spend on looking top notch. my siblings are all upset that I'm not into all the prep, not renting myself a stunning gown etc. and that I don't care what I look like...
I really do care. but I'm only doing what's in my means. babysitting during sheva brachos each night etc is going to cost me $200 plus and that's more than I even have to spend. This is all I can do and if everyone cares so much they can actual sponsor the money for it.
am I wrong? am I supposed to push myself just so everyone should be happy with how my family looks etc? Please help me feel better about what I'm doing! |
You’re absolutely not wrong, they have no business commenting on how you choose to handle this, and I admire you for staying within your means instead of splurging on things you can’t afford just for the sake of impressing people for 4 hours’ time. I’d suggest you tell them that if it bothers them that much, you’ll gladly accept cash donations from them so you can pay for the more glamorous stuff that’ll be more to their liking!
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amother
Magenta
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Wed, Jan 08 2020, 12:47 pm
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I am actually in the car on the way to my brothers wedding. My parents did not give me any money at all. I borrowed my gown from my cousin. I don’t love it but it fit me perfectly - no alterations needed. My girls are wearing gowns that I got from a gemach for $18. I got my wig done and I will do my makeup myself when I get to the hall. My kids and I will all look wonderful and most of all we will have a fantastic night! Op ignore ur sibilings. They don’t get it.
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