The Painful Rejections of Lakewood Schools

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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Mommyg8

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 10:54 am

small bean wrote:

Rabbis are not affiliated with schools other than halachik poskim. They habe nothing to do with who goes and who doesnt. And they shouldnt have what to do with it as who is the rabbi in relation to the people applying. The people applying typically have nothing to do with the halachik board of the school. The rabbi of the school does not represent the potential students.

I think many people posting do not understand the relationship that schools have here..

Exactly.

Who are these "Rabbis" that you think should be opening new schools?

This is not Satmar, there is no "Rabbi" who has tight control over the community. Anybody is free to move to Lakewood/Jackson/Toms River, and many do. Why does anybody else have an obligation to open schools? Nobody has an obligation. If you don't like the schools, and you don't like the way they do things, why don't you open your own school?

zaftigmom

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 10:58 am

"Family connections" is actually a pretty legit reason to accept one student over another. If you only have five non sibling slots,of course you're going to accept your niece over a stranger. This has been said a million times but I'll say it again: the problem is there's no space.

southernbubby

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 10:59 am

small bean wrote:

But they are not. They only get money from people who support their mission and support their selectivity. You and I dont give to them.

So if that's the case, they have every right to be as exclusive as they want.

southernbubby

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 11:01 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

I do agree that groups of concerned parents should fundraise and make schools.

southernbubby

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 11:04 am

Delete double post

amother

Gold

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 11:09 am

Point taken, Mommyg8. But, I have also seen families choose schools that fit their family very well. And then they had one kid who was like the odd duckling and was different than the rest and just didn't fit. The rest of the kids thrived and this kid struggled. That happens more than you would like to think.

Also just to reiterate the posters who just don't get why people can't let rejection roll off their back, well that is due to personality as well. If you are a very sensitive and anxious type of kid, yes, being rejected from the school where most of your friends got into will be devastating and embarrassing. If you are more even keeled and not super sensitive you will be able to accept the reasoning that it's all for the best more easily. It really isn't fair to lecture people who it really is a big deal to that they just need to get over it. Eventually they will, but they need validation and time to process it.

small bean

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 11:34 am

southernbubby wrote:

So if that's the case, they have every right to be as exclusive as they want.

Finally

small bean

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 11:41 am

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

Then it is not a school problem. It is a you problem, which is exactly my point.

We have pages here of school bashing, when it is not about the schools and more about people emotional reaction to something.

We have to deal with people problems without blaming exterior factors.

And if your kid or yourself feel slighted, help yourselves. Dont blame the system. As it wont make you feel better and wont solve your problems. This is in general not specific to this thread.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 11:50 am

They may have the right, but we also have the right to consider it unethical.

small bean

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 11:53 am

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

They may have the right, but we also have the right to consider it unethical.

What is unethical?

You can think whatever you want. But opinions are not facts and should not be treated as such.

Mommyg8

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 11:58 am

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

There are always those who don't fit in. Like it or not, we can't fix every single problem there is in society. I did mention that this works for 99%, perhaps it's closer to 95%, I don't know. And no, it does NOT happen more often than I think.

But using statistics - what are the chances of someone from a background that considers enforcing four inches below the knees as "over the top" - will be happy in a school that emphasizes these rules? What are the chances that someone who would like her daughter to get a shot at an Ivy League college will be happy with the level of secular studies in a very frum school?

Schools have only so many slots. They are allowed to base their criteria, somewhat, on which family will be the best fit for their school. And this makes sense - both for them, and for the parents. As they say, the parents will thank them later.

Mommyg8

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 12:00 pm

small bean wrote:

What is unethical?

You can think whatever you want. But opinions are not facts and should not be treated as such.

Agreed.

There is nothing unethical about trying to keep class size to 25 to 30 girls, and not allowing their school to expand at a faster rate than they can work with.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 12:01 pm

If it is truly a matter of no room, that can be handled with a first come, first serve policy.

Mommyg8

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 12:02 pm

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

If it is truly a matter of no room, that can be handled with a first come, first serve policy.

Why???

And has been addressed earlier in the thread, this would create a different set of problems.

sky

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 12:06 pm

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

If it is truly a matter of no room, that can be handled with a first come, first serve policy.

What in the world does first come first we’ve mean?
The person who drops off their application first. When does this start?

And what rabbis? The ppl moving to Toms River want nothing to do with bmg or old Lakewood. Yet they expect the community to fundraisers and open schools for them?

It would be like 100s (literally) of non- lubavitchers moving to crown heights and demanding schools to accommodate them.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 12:15 pm

sky wrote:

What in the world does first come first we’ve mean?
The person who drops off their application first. When does this start?

I mean to say that the issue of space has nothing to do with exclusivity and selectivity.

small bean

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 12:22 pm

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

I mean to say that the issue of space has nothing to do with exclusivity and selectivity.

When you have 30 slots and 250 applicants. How should you choose? You make a list of criteria that is important to you, and knock them as out you go.

If supply is greater you can selectivity pick. And there is nothinf unethical about that, because you are not saying that you are doing otherwise. Everyone knows you are doing that.

amother

Smokey

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 12:24 pm

sky wrote:

I'm so sick of this "old Lakewood" myth that unless you subscribe to an all powerful old time vaad and have direct connection to BMG you can't expect anything out of Lakewood. Everyone moving in pays taxes that keep your roads paved, they shop in local stores and support local economy. Stop with the "they can't expect space in OUR schools." The "our" keeps growing and yes we collectivly need solutions but th divisive way some of you old Lakewooders talk is disgusting and elitist.

Also it is completely unreasonable for people to tell op not to be hurt because it's nobodys issue. Sure, the main issue is not enough supply but that creates a situation where the best and most connected, whatever that means to a particular school hanhala, are the people getting the slots easily while everyone else battles it out. The reality of space limit creates an insane pressure and all the gross elitist traits of our society have this space to rear their ugly heads. Please don't pretend it's not so. We can do better.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 12:25 pm

Not related to my previous posts:
Why do people feel the need to tell people who are in pain that their pain isn't valid or that it's their own fault?

Mommyg8

Sun, Jan 12 2020, 12:29 pm

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

Not related to my previous posts:
Why do people feel the need to tell people who are in pain that their pain isn't valid or that it's their own fault?

Because it is. It's how they perceive it.

All of us posting here that are from Lakewood have gone through the same process. We've all suffered rejection at one point or another. Almost everyone I know has gone through the same process.

Hurt is often a matter of how you perceive it, and if you choose to perceive it that way, then you will be hurt. If not, you won't be.

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