The Painful Rejections of Lakewood Schools

small bean

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:01 am

Learning wrote:

I think it is actually horrible. If we had real Rabbis who are worth to be called that they would follow the normal way that every child goes to the school in his district. The system right now is completely cliquey and pushy. You need connections or money to have your child be happy. Idk why you don’t realize that it is just mean to the children

I dont agree with you. It had nothing to do with rabbis or anyone. It is called a private school. You have no right to a private school. No one has an obligation to take you into their school. Private schools are a service based business and they can do as they please.

If you want a public school then you have a right to be angry but it is not.

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:06 am

OP, did you apply to the “most left” school in Lakewood? I didn’t want to end up there and I did. I’m not thrilled with the parent body. But it’s an amazing school. Run very well and caring staff. A school that actually wanted us. And I’ll be honest. If you didn’t get in there, I’m shocked because they accept people who truly don’t belong in Bais Yaakov schools. Snobby? No. Bais Yaakov means certain standards. The bare minimum. No judgment on those who don’t fit in, but there are other schools for those who don’t want to live a Bais Yaakov lifestyle. I have friends whose kids travel, and although that’s not fun, they are honest about where they fit in.

Learning

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:13 am

small bean wrote:

I mean like oot small communities. Everyone is excepted but still there are religious requirements. Like covering hair. No tv. Etc.

southernbubby

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:14 am

small bean wrote:

While that's true, years ago anyone who wanted to open a frum school, knocked on doors to beg people to come. Now, BH, the demand is bigger than the supply but people remember a time when the few frum schools that existed had students from a variety of backgrounds.

People who are able to should get together with others who need schools and form new ones.

amother

Floralwhite

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:34 am

Learning wrote:

I mean like oot small communities. Everyone is excepted but still there are religious requirements. Like covering hair. No tv. Etc.

No. TV is haskafic, not halachic. So you’re still excluding kids. It’s just that you’re excluding the kids you want to exclude, not your own.

Learning

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:52 am

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

No. TV is haskafic, not halachic. So you’re still excluding kids. It’s just that you’re excluding the kids you want to exclude, not your own.

I mean everyone in the community is accepted to the schools of the community. Why is it so complicated. Every community has schools according to their standards (and ashkafa also!). But it’s not a matter of connections or money or yichus

amother

Floralwhite

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:56 am

Learning wrote:

So the community isn’t the physical community, it’s the perceived religious community. And if you don’t dress and act like the people in that “community,” your kids don’t have a school.

Isn’t that exactly what people complain about re Lakewood?

Because not everyone is cookie cutter.

amother

Indigo

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:57 am

small bean wrote:

please can somone open a school herein lakewood like baise yakove in boro park. So my children can grow up with friends of all backgrounds. Very frum Chasidish, yeshivish, Sfardi.....More modern and cool. I find it so unhealthy that that we have to fit in a neat box here. So private schools can can accept us. or we need to belong to a school full of rejections.

amother

Lavender

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:59 am

OP, I truly feel for you. I know what rejection feels like. It's horrible.

However, these schools did not reject you for no reason. Either:

1. they have no room. You say this is not the case.

2. They have a reason.

You have to find out now what this reason is. Once you have this knowledge, you can figure out your next step.

amother

White

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:00 am

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

I am sorry, but there must be a reason why they rejected your daughter when they have space. Maybe you weren't seen as left enough or whatever reason. I am not trying to minimize your rejection, but think if there is some reason for it.

My DD was rejected from a local school. I ran into the principal of the school, and we were dressed very similar down to the wig and jewellery. We started talking because we looked alike. I asked her about DD. She said I came across different on the phone.

My advice would be to examine how you present yourself.

You realize the second bolded statement directly contradicts the first.

Being rejected because of your phone manner, and accepted because of your jewelry choices is the exact definition of being rejected for no reason.

When did a mother's accessories become the determining factor in whether a school is a good fit for a child?

Torah seems to have flown out the window and been replaced with narishkeit.

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:04 am

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

And I have a friend who is a single mother by choice. And I don’t mean adoption or sperm bank. She doesn’t cover her hair because she has no need to, never having been married. And yes, her kids go to Jewish schools. If she were zoned for your school, you’d have no problem with it.

I'd rather accept people than have schools be exclusive.

southernbubby

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:07 am

Learning wrote:

I mean like oot small communities. Everyone is excepted but still there are religious requirements. Like covering hair. No tv. Etc.

Small town community day schools usually don't have any requirements other than being Jewish. One son on shluchis sends to a school like that. A few families who don't identify as Orthodox send their kids there as well as a variety who do identify as Orthodox.

Learning

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:11 am

southernbubby wrote:

I mean a town that has few schools not so small. There is a big yeshivish school and few modern school each one more left than other. And chasidish school and Chabad. All yeshivish go to one big school. About 100 kids in a grade.

amother

Cerise

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:11 am

southernbubby wrote:

I just wonder what this does to kids. What percentage gives up on being frum?

Honestly, the culture is so strong that most children cannot reject frumkeit or the establishment. They end up internalizing the criticism and rejecting themselves. It will come out in future generations as failed marriages and attatchment disorders, etc, lo aleinu. I recommend choosing a city by its schools and general culture of acceptance, before considerations of parnassah or kollel. Your children's and grandchildren's future depends on it.

amother

Floralwhite

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:21 am

amother [ Cerise ] wrote:

I think you’re reading too much into something that happened when a kid was 4 or 5 years old, and that s/he barely knew about or understood at the time. So long as the parents don’t harp on this long term. And I say this as the parent of a no Lakewood kid who had trouble getting into kindergarten due to space issues.

ProudMommie

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:22 am

The admin is erasing what does not fit her personal narrative. It's ridiculous. I thought this was an open forum where people can express their views. Or only those with whom the boss agrees. Admin imamother is no longer an exclusive space to voice orthodox opinions. There are plenty of other forums... Are you going to control those too?

amother

Cerise

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:33 am

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

I am referring to children old enough to understand, of which there are many in the system, like each fall the number of girls with no high school.

amother

Floralwhite

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:46 am

amother [ Cerise ] wrote:

I am referring to children old enough to understand, of which there are many in the system, like each fall the number of girls with no high school.

We’re discussing kindergarten here. I don’t necessarily disagree with you re older kids.