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My MIL and SIL always want to spend time with DH without me
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jan 09 2020, 1:29 pm
Is it normal for it to bother me?
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Thu, Jan 09 2020, 1:33 pm
Don't want to infect you with negativity but I would be mad as anything.
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Thu, Jan 09 2020, 2:25 pm
amother [ Papaya ] wrote:
Don't want to infect you with negativity but I would be mad as anything.


Same..
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Thu, Jan 09 2020, 2:27 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Is it normal for it to bother me?


Sure it's normal to bother you. Does DH actually spend alot of with them?
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Thu, Jan 09 2020, 2:28 pm
Would be fuming.
One of my husband's siblings actually suggested that all the siblings get together with their parents one Shabbos with no spouses or kids. I was one of the ones that put my foot down and said absolutely not.
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amother
Red


 

Post Thu, Jan 09 2020, 2:29 pm
What do you mean by "always"? If more than a few times a year, yeah, that's upsetting.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Thu, Jan 09 2020, 2:36 pm
I'd be livid Sad
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Jewishfoodie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 09 2020, 2:40 pm
The more I read these threads, the more I think that it would be cathartic for all injured Imas to pen imaginary notes to the people who have wronged them. My hope is that ultimately, they will somehow read it and grow ap partial brain. But I won't hijack your thread. Because I'm special that way.. 😉
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 09 2020, 2:48 pm
I think it depends on the dynamics. How often? Do they also spend time as families together? Are they sitting around saying mean things about you.

My mother and her siblings are very close and they have sibling only times with my grandmother but they also spend time with each others spouses and kids. When I was a baby my mother went with my aunt and grandparents to hong kong because my father was working. Its all in the balance and overall family dynamics.
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malki2




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 09 2020, 2:58 pm
Of course it should bother you, but it should bother your DH the same, and he should put a stop to it. If he allows it, there’s a bigger problem there.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jan 09 2020, 7:02 pm
mha3484 wrote:
I think it depends on the dynamics. How often? Do they also spend time as families together? Are they sitting around saying mean things about you.

My mother and her siblings are very close and they have sibling only times with my grandmother but they also spend time with each others spouses and kids. When I was a baby my mother went with my aunt and grandparents to hong kong because my father was working. Its all in the balance and overall family dynamics.


Would your mother’s married brothers also spend a lot of time alone with your mother and aunts or was it only your aunts. I feel like there is a big difference. Men usually don’t care about stuff like that.
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graphic613




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:22 pm
amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:
Would be fuming.
One of my husband's siblings actually suggested that all the siblings get together with their parents one Shabbos with no spouses or kids. I was one of the ones that put my foot down and said absolutely not.



Well if my husband's family did that I'd host a shabbos for all the spouses and we would probably spend the whole shabbos bashing the family
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graphic613




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:23 pm
If they go out for lunch very rarely it wouldnt bother me. If it was more often Id be insulted
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Thu, Jan 09 2020, 9:44 pm
graphic613 wrote:
Well if my husband's family did that I'd host a shabbos for all the spouses and we would probably spend the whole shabbos bashing the family


OUTLAW SHABBOS!!!
Sounds so awesome!
Now where can we ditch the kids?
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Thu, Jan 09 2020, 10:01 pm
Totally feel for you and I am happy that I am not the only 'crazy one' that get hurt. Sometimes I feel that they shouldn't have married him off and kept him for themselves....
I actually went for therapy regarding this issue and was told that I should accept that it is hurtful. Problem is for DH to accept that it is hurtful for me, he claims all families work like this besides for mine.
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studying_torah




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 09 2020, 11:08 pm
Cerise he thinks it shouldn't bother you bec everyone is like this (which they're not). Your point needs to be it doesn't matter if other ppl do it, it still is hurtful so he shouldn't go along w it.
Just bec yenem does it, it doesn't make it less hurtful.
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Jan 10 2020, 12:28 am
amother [ Cerise ] wrote:
Totally feel for you and I am happy that I am not the only 'crazy one' that get hurt. Sometimes I feel that they shouldn't have married him off and kept him for themselves....
I actually went for therapy regarding this issue and was told that I should accept that it is hurtful. Problem is for DH to accept that it is hurtful for me, he claims all families work like this besides for mine.

That’s really terrible, maybe your therapist should explain this to your husband. What will happen if you try to join them?
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Fri, Jan 10 2020, 1:03 am
Op, you never spend time just u and ur mum or siblings?
You are not clarifying what means alot. But I do encourage my husband to sometimes spend time himself and his parents.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 10 2020, 10:46 am
If it's really always, or even most of the time, it's quite rude. You and dh are a social unit now. However, you and dh are still individuals, and his family has the right to exclude you from discussions of highly personal topics that don't have anything to do with you. For example, someone may have a health condition or financial problem that they are not comfortable with your knowing about. Marriage to your dh does not confer upon you the right of access to that information.

Also, you and dh are not joined at the hip. You each have the right to, and probably should, spend some time with your birth family members in the absence of the other. It just ought to be SOME time, not MOST of the time.
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amother
Gold


 

Post Sat, Jan 11 2020, 4:18 pm
My husbands family did this once. They had a family gathering but the parents weren’t there. Just the kids. So we daughters in law all went out to eat. We had such a good time. We can’t wait for it to happen again.
Anon just in case my sis in law is on here. One of them.
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