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Uncle/niece guidelines
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MommyM




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 10 2020, 12:34 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Wow age 3!! I have never heard that and it seems so young Surprised
Is that straight up halacha or something that needs to be asked from lor? I'm almost scared to ask cuz I'm scared I cant enforce that.
Can those of you who hold from age 3 please tell me it's possible? Your brothers dont play or hold your kids when they turn 3? How do you even explain that to a toddler?


For yichud, I'm pretty sure it's Halocha from age 3. Your brothers should be respectful of your wishes regarding your kids, and they should not need you to enforce it.

No, in our family, our brothers do not touch the girls from age 3. (We also start tznius clothing from age 3, so we explain it as part of tznius.) But for the most part, it is the adults who are the ones responsible. Yes, the three year old may make mistakes, but he / you can say something along the lines of you're a big girl and you can't do that anymore.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 10 2020, 12:35 pm
My girls definitely sat in their uncles laps until age 5/6 or so. These uncles were married men with kids of their own. At around 5/6 or so they stopped. I don't remember it being a thing - just sort of natural.

Whatever tznius we taught them with regard to everyone on the street applied to their uncles as well.
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Fri, Jan 10 2020, 12:43 pm
Ruchel wrote:
I am puzzled that a first son in law would be any different.

I absolutely see a difference in the case of cousins etc since they can be both friends and shidduch

Halacha wise, ask your shaila, as I said I was right, everyone here has a diff psak

If yo udo not see more trouble if the uncle and niece are same age, tha n if he is 90 and she is 20, or she is 20 and he is 10, ON YOU! That will be my last post due to anon basher


I know uncles and nieces who married.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 10 2020, 1:14 pm
My brothers and brothers in law stopped hugging, kissing, holding my daughter on lap at age 3 (actual chibba).
But until 5/6 they continued high giving, sitting next to on the couch (even if there was a little touching.)
Interestingly enough, we were told that my daughter can sing in front of her uncle's as long as she's halachicly a penuah tehora (before her first period) as long as he's not davening or learning. We stopped her by age 10, it was getting awkward.


Boys with their aunt's, we were told to stop all touch by age 9.

In general, the onus is always on the adult, not the child.
When my husband is reading a book, and my 4 year old niece tries to climb on his lap, he'll just say why don't you sir next to me so everyone can see. It doesn't have to be weird.

But yeah, this is all when the uncle is over bar mitzva.
Under, we followed common sense rules. By 8/9, we laid off the physical touch.


Last edited by keym on Fri, Jan 10 2020, 1:28 pm; edited 1 time in total
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flower2




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 10 2020, 1:24 pm
We hold age 5/6 if uncle is over bar mitzva (also not really makpid on tznius for our girls before that age)
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Jan 10 2020, 2:15 pm
Thank you everyone for your viewpoints. I am a little nervous because my oldest daughter is actually the youngest niece so it will be hard to implement when all the older nieces have no problem with it but I definitely feel it is the right thing to do as she is growing up.
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amother
Blue


 

Post Fri, Jan 10 2020, 2:16 pm
What about if my son, age 15 (the uncle) has high functioning autism?
I try to remind him but he is impulsive and often forgets
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