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Forum
-> Parenting our children
thegiver
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Fri, Jan 10 2020, 3:41 pm
What helps you stay present? And stay positive? Not despairing! What gives you hope that you will survive this moment and the entire challenge of raising kids!! (Without help of ppl)
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amother
Cyan
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Fri, Jan 10 2020, 3:47 pm
I go to my room and take a 10 minute break. Then, I go back out to face the world.
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amother
Green
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Fri, Jan 10 2020, 3:56 pm
I order sushi and a coke and eat it locked up in my walk-in closet.
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shmosmom
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Fri, Jan 10 2020, 4:15 pm
Coffee before 5, wine after 5.
Both of which I didn't drink at all before being a parent.
I stop and have a glass, and give my daughter some coffee if she insists.
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amother
Royalblue
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Sat, Jan 11 2020, 6:05 pm
How do people take a ten minute break? I do that and someone breaks a bone or someone else's or runs away, or I'm dealing with the fallout from those ten minutes for at least an hour afterwards. And I can't relax for ten minutes while a baby is screaming, even if he's safe in his crib. I save the times I can get away for using the bathroom.
What gives me hope is hearing stories about how adults I respect were nightmares as kids.
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amother
Salmon
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Sat, Jan 11 2020, 9:43 pm
amother [ Royalblue ] wrote: | How do people take a ten minute break? I do that and someone breaks a bone or someone else's or runs away, or I'm dealing with the fallout from those ten minutes for at least an hour afterwards. And I can't relax for ten minutes while a baby is screaming, even if he's safe in his crib. I save the times I can get away for using the bathroom.
What gives me hope is hearing stories about how adults I respect were nightmares as kids. |
That’s me!! Especially the bathroom part...
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amother
Babypink
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Sat, Jan 11 2020, 9:48 pm
thegiver wrote: | What helps you stay present? And stay positive? Not despairing! What gives you hope that you will survive this moment and the entire challenge of raising kids!! (Without help of ppl) |
Asking for same advice. Right now I feel soooo soooo drained! Im looking where to run away by myself .
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polka dots
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Sat, Jan 11 2020, 9:51 pm
Can you literally go and do that? Can your husband or a babysitter watch you kids?
Kiss the mezuza and leave. Go for a walk around the block, or for ice cream with a friends. It’s good to get a breather every once in a while
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amother
Babypink
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Sat, Jan 11 2020, 9:52 pm
amother [ Babypink ] wrote: | Asking for same advice. Right now I feel soooo soooo drained! Im looking where to run away by myself . |
Meaning a vocation neede desperately. No friends ever invite me for outings . Im used to be by myself.
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PurpleandGold
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Sat, Jan 11 2020, 11:47 pm
At night, after the kids are in bed, pinpoint the behavior(s) of your children that is triggering your "flight" reaction. Label the behavior (verbal fighting, violence, jealous sparring, annoying tics, talking back, arguing, etc). Then look at your child as your spiritual
mirror: Ask yourself the following:
1. What is the emotion I feel when my child exhibits this behavior?
2. What wound is deep inside that triggers my overwhelming emotion when my child misbehaves?
3. How can I separate myself from my child's behavior? (Use a positive affirmation to heal the negative belief/wound inside you, like "I am good enough exactly as I am," or "I am loveable and a good woman/mother even when I feel chaotic inside")
4. Once you've been able to neutralize your child's behavior, begin working on loving your child when he/she is most difficult. Focus in connection "how must Chani be feeling when she kicks the baby? Is she jealous? How can I affirm and love her through her jealousy?" Visualize how you will lovingly set boundaries and hold and love your child through his/her storms tomorrow.
Today my eight year old son threw a terrible, violent tantrum because of something I wouldn't let him do. I began explaining myself, putting him in time out, then I stopped, and saw his fear beneath his anger. I held him tightly on my lap and whispered passionately in his ear "I love you, I love you, you are my whole world, you mean everything to me." As he began to calm I sat him in my lap and rubbed his back, whispering love in his ear. He hugged me back and was amazingly calm the rest of the day, an incredible parenting breakthrough for me. I hope I am passing on a helpful message, that most misbehavior is coming from a lack of love - first of the parent's love for himself, and then for the child. And so, most wounds can be healed with love.
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Sunny Days
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Sat, Jan 11 2020, 11:51 pm
That’s beautiful purpleandgold! Thanks for sharing, sure will try it!
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thegiver
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Sun, Jan 12 2020, 12:18 am
PurpleandGold wrote: | At night, after the kids are in bed, pinpoint the behavior(s) of your children that is triggering your "flight" reaction. Label the behavior (verbal fighting, violence, jealous sparring, annoying tics, talking back, arguing, etc). Then look at your child as your spiritual
mirror: Ask yourself the following:
1. What is the emotion I feel when my child exhibits this behavior?
2. What wound is deep inside that triggers my overwhelming emotion when my child misbehaves?
3. How can I separate myself from my child's behavior? (Use a positive affirmation to heal the negative belief/wound inside you, like "I am good enough exactly as I am," or "I am loveable and a good woman/mother even when I feel chaotic inside")
4. Once you've been able to neutralize your child's behavior, begin working on loving your child when he/she is most difficult. Focus in connection "how must Chani be feeling when she kicks the baby? Is she jealous? How can I affirm and love her through her jealousy?" Visualize how you will lovingly set boundaries and hold and love your child through his/her storms tomorrow.
Today my eight year old son threw a terrible, violent tantrum because of something I wouldn't let him do. I began explaining myself, putting him in time out, then I stopped, and saw his fear beneath his anger. I held him tightly on my lap and whispered passionately in his ear "I love you, I love you, you are my whole world, you mean everything to me." As he began to calm I sat him in my lap and rubbed his back, whispering love in his ear. He hugged me back and was amazingly calm the rest of the day, an incredible parenting breakthrough for me. I hope I am passing on a helpful message, that most misbehavior is coming from a lack of love - first of the parent's love for himself, and then for the child. And so, most wounds can be healed with love. |
I LOVE YOUUUUU!!!
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