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Need chizuk for ASD child

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 4:56 pm
I'm hoping some of you can give me chizuk and positive thoughts to help with my 8 year old daughter, who's high functioning ASD and has been having a hard time this year. Sometimes she becomes emotional and is just so mean, ungrateful, and irrational. It's hard for me to feel love for her when I'm wringing out my last bits of patience and strength, and she seems to go out of her way to annoy or hurt me. For example, lately when I ask her a question, instead of trying to answer it or saying 'I don't know', she'll throw a fit and repeat random words or sounds. She never wants to try to do anything new or challenging, instead she'll just throw a fit. I didn't have her preferred fruit for breakfast in the house this morning and she threw a tantrum. As she gets older it's just so much harder to see her behavior as anything but mean and self-centered. (She has therapies at school and we're in the process of getting her more outside of school. Last year she was much better, though nothing significant has changed in our lives since then.)
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amother




Jade
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 5:01 pm
Hugs. You need to join a support group or get a therapist for yourself. You should be connected with her therapist s to learn how to handle her at home. There is a reason she acts the way she does and probably because of her defecits.
Hatzlacha and may you see yiddishe nachas very soon.
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 5:05 pm
This age is so hard for all kids! I feel like at this age, they are not babies anymore but they lack maturity to process a lot of their very big feelings and they get soooo moody. I think 3rd grade is a huge bump in social and academic expectations that is so overwhelming for them. Its even harder for those of us who have kids that struggle. I love my 9 year old but there are days that I am just so done lol.

When I want to keep myself positive I tell myself. If my kid is giving me a hard time they are having an even harder time. Also don't discount wine and chocolate. Hatzlacha OP!
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meyerlemon44




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 5:07 pm
mha3484 wrote:
This age is so hard for all kids! I feel like at this age, they are not babies anymore but they lack maturity to process a lot of their very big feelings and they get soooo moody. I think 3rd grade is a huge bump in social and academic expectations that is so overwhelming for them. Its even harder for those of us who have kids that struggle. I love my 9 year old but there are days that I am just so done lol.

When I want to keep myself positive I tell myself. If my kid is giving me a hard time they are having an even harder time. Also don't discount wine and chocolate. Hatzlacha OP!


Thank you for the perspective. Smile
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meyerlemon44




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 5:08 pm
amother [ Jade ] wrote:
Hugs. You need to join a support group or get a therapist for yourself. You should be connected with her therapist s to learn how to handle her at home. There is a reason she acts the way she does and probably because of her defecits.
Hatzlacha and may you see yiddishe nachas very soon.


She's in a public school program and I think they're legally prevented from telling us what to do at home. They're always very guarded and cagey, even though the teachers are nice people. I'm hoping the private therapists will be more forthcoming.
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amother




Azure
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 5:10 pm
This must be so frustrating for you!! To my knowledge, children with ASD are really set into routines and do not like to try new things. I'm sure you already know that this is typical behavior. Hopefully, as she gets older and with great therapies, she will become more flexible, but routine will always be important. They like predictability. You can try using certain phrases like, "be flexible" and start out with minor changes like the fruit cut up instead of whole. Or have her cut it (if it's safe). Hatzlachah! It's not an easy ride!!!
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amother




Mustard
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 5:11 pm
IME, ASD kids often get extra difficult when they are about to make a developmental leap.

When you say therapy, does she have a behaviorist? Ask for a functional behavioral analysis on the newly arisen behavior. It figures out why she might be doing what she does, and then you guys can work on replacing it with more productive responses.

ETA: For example, in the past, we taught DS to say "Please don't talk now" instead of throwing a fit when he was overwhelmed by questions or instructions.
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amother




Peach
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 5:11 pm
I was taught that when ppl with ASD are being "stubborn" it means that the situation isn't clear for them. It's not that they do NOT want but it's more that they do NOT KNOW how to do it/process the information. Maybe this can help u relate and not take it personal when they get agitated. Im in awe of you for reaching out for tips and be open and accepting about your child's situation. Wishing you endless patience and success stories!
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amother




Slategray
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 5:18 pm
Maybe try connecting with other ASD mom's for support. Check out on insta @malkys_media. She has an autistic child. She's an amazing person that will lift your spirits instantly. She gives great chizzuk in any situation.
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amother




Babypink
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 6:01 pm
I'm not an ASD mom but close enough I have some thoughts.
I read most of this book: Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew, newer edition by Ellen Notbohm. I don't know if this is one of those Welcome to Holland Things in the ASD parent community, I.e. either you love it or you don't. I think you might find it encouraging.

I hope you have IRL hadracha. If public school is what you need right now, then do it. The close person I knew is able to send their child to a day school that is great for them, though not where they imagined sending their child, and a secular camp that works with ASD kids that is doing great things for them. I don't know where they'll end up but things are so much better than the awfulizing days after the diagnosis. I wish you all well.
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amother




Ivory
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 6:16 pm
My son is not ASD, but has a learning disability with some similar symptoms. I remember third grade being a huge rollercoaster for him...stimming like crazy at home and in social situations that were quite embarrassing, tantruming and explosions of anger that resulted in breaking things, and refusing to go to school so he was homeschooled for three months! He mellowed out alot in fourth and fifth, then sixth was another hard year for him. Behavior therapy with a therapist that came to our home helped. I understand what you mean about the stubborn tantrums feeling like selfish, personal attacks no matter how much you know they're not. Hang in there, it really is a stage! It'll get better!
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 6:17 pm
Talking to myself here, as well as to answer you. It's super important to repeat to oneself that kids really want to do well, and if they don't, there's a reason. It's also helpful to remember that kindness means offering a way to accomplish rather than a criticism that something is done poorly.

This is hard to remember when a kid starts tantruming over a reasonable request.

Here are a few things that can help:

- When you ask a question and don't get a coherent answer, try asking her to repeat the question. Sometimes, when she repeats it, she can process it, where possibly before that, she didn't.

- New and challenging things are really, really anxiety provoking for a kid on the spectrum. Especially when they involve sensory challenges, like a different food, or an experience with lots of people/loud noises. It's helpful to have plans in place, so that they're not faced with a total unknown, and to work on the sensory challenges slowly. After this morning, you could sit her down and say, "I'm sorry I ran out of blueberries this morning. Sometimes, that happens, and we need to have a second choice. Let's write down your second choice and put that note on the fridge."

- If you're not yet working with a BCBA, it can really help. A lot. The sooner you start, the easier your life can get, and the sooner you can see changes. If/when you're working with one at home, ask about developing a food tolerance plan to increase the number of things she'll eat.

- There are a number of books I really like. One is called The Behavior Code, by Jessica Minahan. She has some podcasts out, too. They're very helpful.

Hugs and hatzlacha! You're not alone.
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amother




Pearl
 

Post  Mon, Jan 13 2020, 7:03 pm
Sounds like my Ds but he is now 10.
It is very very hard
Sorry I have no chizzuks left to give. They are all used up.
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