It’s “gentle parenting “ a realistic approach ?

amother

Jetblack

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 10:59 pm

We’ve gone the route of evals and haven’t gained much clarity. He has no diagnosis. He’s a curious energetic child with an experiment nature that can push him a bit too far. The school finds it unacceptable & they feel that he does not fear authority. They make sure to single him out for that & let him know about every wrongdoing at every conceivable opportunity...
His misery in school spills over at home & to add to that he has emotional dysregulation. His challenging behaviors are affecting my other children too & everyone has begun to act out. He’s in pain:((( We all are:(( I need to do something FAST and feel so lost.

amother

Orchid

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 11:02 pm

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

I did self pay therapy for my son- OT and floortime were very helpful. My floortime therapist just did a school visit: feels good to have an ally there!
ETA- floortime can be done even with children with no diagnoses

Zehava

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 11:22 pm

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Dd has ADHD. Her school has been great about it. She has resource room teachers working with her. They’re using the nurtured heart approach and teaching it to her teachers. Maybe you should reconsider your school choice if possible.

Zehava

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 11:24 pm

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

I’d reconsider my choice of school if I were you

Zehava

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 11:26 pm

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

I’ve been pushed in so many ways by so many “well meaning” teachers, principals school therapists, aunts, uncles, neighbors, grandparents, ETC telling me the utopian method of how to “correct” my precious child that I literally feel like I lost my instincts and confidence of how to parent this child properly. So sad but true Crying

DO NOT turn your child into a problem case for everyone to analyze.
It’s the absolute worst thing you can do. Stop talking about him to your siblings grandparents and neighbors.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 12:19 am

He never asks permission before doing.things or before taking things... (like using his fathers drill.)
This happens in other people’s homes and in school too where he’s just doing things without permission. He Is constantly climbing onto the counters despite the fact that there’s a rule not to! I would look away but I have 5 yr old & a toddler that will follow suit..
He Can’t accept a ‘no’ without having a meltdown..
He doesn’t comply to rules or authority as stated before & constantly testing his limits.
Ignores me many times when I call him or ask him to stop doing something. (Claims he didn’t hear but ruled it out medically)
Many times if he’s upset he will instigate his younger siblings. Either he hurts them or tells/helps them to do a trouble.
He uses age inappropriate language that No one ever says here!! Would deem it appropriate for my 2 yr old to say..
I find these behaviors quite troublesome. .
The rest of my kids are intense but not to this extreme. These days tho we’ve been walking around on eggshells. Things have gone a little awry in this household and I need to follow a method so I can be consistent in my approach

Zehava

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 12:41 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

I hear you. Some of these my kids do as well and I just take them as par for the course. Others not so much.
But then again he seems to me to be locked in an ongoing power struggle. Which is not a great place for both you and him to be in. When in a power struggle a child will do virtually anything to “win”.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 12:46 am

Here’s how I see bestbubbies tantrum story. Let’s say her child had a really hard day at school and when he comes home mom, who’s not practicing any type of intuitive parenting, brings him in sits him down nicely with a snack and turns around to the counter to prepare dinner while thinking about something hurtful her husband said the night before. The child needs his mothers attention, he wants to offload the stress that built up over his day. So he asks mom for a cookie he knows she can’t ignore that, that always gets her attention. Mom deep in her upset about her husbands comment and totally oblivious to her child’s underlying needs shushes him, no cookies before dinner! Well the child still has feelings that need to be dealt with so he pushes on and screams louder and louder essentially screaming ‘mommy, I need you! can’t you see I need you, I had a long hard day at school can I sit on your lap for a few minutes while I process these feelings and then I’ll feel calmer and ready to go about my day!!! But no, mom doesn’t hear that ALL SHE HEARS IS A CHILD SCREAMING FOR A COOKIE. This is not about the cookie this is about the child not having the brain development to say ‘hey mom a few minutes to process my day please’. So instead mom does what is most damaging to the child at the moment and removes herself from the scene and guess what it works the child has learned my mother does not care about how my day went she does not want to sit with me thru my hard feeling ok mom you got it I will not burden you with my feelings I will not tantrum, mission accomplished
Ouch

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 12:55 am

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

I didn't read all the back and forth about this story. But I have a very intense almost 2 year old who tantrums at the drop of a hat. He recently had a tantrum over a cookie (I'm usually really good about choosing my battles and I'm working hard to redirect him before the tantrum begins but this time it just didn't work). The sound of screaming makes me crazy but generally I can work through it. The tantrum happened right after he sat on my lap for 10 mins reading books together before which we built a Lego tower so he's not trying to get my attention, he literally just wants that cookie. Would it be better for my blood pressure to steadily rise as I try employing logic and reason with my little guy and end up with a pounding headache and incredible frustration or should I say "Mommy loves you and I understand that you want a cookie but we are not having cookies right now. Mommy is going to fold laundry in her room, here's a sippy cup and when you're ready for a hug, come join"?

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 1:01 am

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

This is a beautiful response and very different from a mother locking herself in the bathroom so she doesn’t have to hear or deal with her child

#BestBubby

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 1:32 am

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

My child was 3 and not in school. This was his reaction to anytime I said No. And I tried to avoid saying No but would say "you can have more cookies after supper. We are eating very soon."

#BestBubby

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 1:38 am

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

I think that's great. If your child wants to scream he can, but you don't have to listen.