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It’s “gentle parenting “ a realistic approach ?
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yidishemame




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 6:47 am
Hi! I apparently created this username eons ago and can’t seem to change it now, but it’s Blimie Heller here. (For the record, I’m not an expert or guru and do not believe in the idea of either one.)

My friend alerted me to this discussion and I hopped on to read it!

I have to say it’s REALLY weird for me to see my name being mentioned by strangers on a public forum.

I’m rarely ever on this site and was debating if I should even chime in.

I have to say, I absolutely love the discussion! I so appreciate everyone’s perspectives! I think it’s so great to challenge new ideas (and old ones!) and to think critically. I don’t believe in following ANYONE or ANYTHING mindlessly or religiously. I believe parents need to be trusted more to make *informed* (keyword) decisions with their own children.
(That is why my objective is to inform parents on the basics of child development, attachment, emotions, what children need to thrive and the impact of our actions on them, so that parents are then in the best place to make decisions.)

For those of you who took my course and commented on here, I really appreciate your honesty about your experience. It was so fun for me to read everyone’s interpretation of what I share! I was relieved to see that what I try to impart seems to have been understood (for the most part). I know that it’s easy for information to be misunderstood and I’m glad it wasn’t.

I so relate to you Zehava. I consider myself a free spirit too. I challenge conventional wisdom and push back on any “formulas” or “methods”. If I weren’t me, and I heard about me, I’d probably sound a lot like you!
(Also, that poem about you and your child was so poignant and really moved me.)

I actually created a course precisely because I was tired of the methods and techniques; the details. (The WHAT). I wanted concepts and ideas. (The WHY). And that’s my main goal in doing what I do. To share a perspective.
I do share specifics (because so many want the WHAT) but I urge parents to follow their own intuition above all else.

However, I know that my message will not resonate with everyone and that’s ok. I just want parents to understand one thing.

Children are the most vulnerable and defenseless people in our society. They do not have a voice. Even if they try “speaking” (sometimes through behavior - like many of us did as children) most don’t listen because “What do they know?”, “They’re *just* a child.”, “They’re *just* being difficult, bratty, annoying etc” and because it’s easy to shut them up.
But children communicate through their behavior. And they are GREATLY impacted by their upbringing. Their brains literally develop according to their environment.

And bottom line, every human deserves kindness and respect, no matter their age or size.
Children are people today, not just adults in the making.

So I speak up for them.
This is why I do what I do. Smile
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mommy201




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 8:19 am
amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:
I didn't read all the back and forth about this story. But I have a very intense almost 2 year old who tantrums at the drop of a hat. He recently had a tantrum over a cookie (I'm usually really good about choosing my battles and I'm working hard to redirect him before the tantrum begins but this time it just didn't work). The sound of screaming makes me crazy but generally I can work through it. The tantrum happened right after he sat on my lap for 10 mins reading books together before which we built a Lego tower so he's not trying to get my attention, he literally just wants that cookie. Would it be better for my blood pressure to steadily rise as I try employing logic and reason with my little guy and end up with a pounding headache and incredible frustration or should I say "Mommy loves you and I understand that you want a cookie but we are not having cookies right now. Mommy is going to fold laundry in her room, here's a sippy cup and when you're ready for a hug, come join"?


Your last sentence is the epitome of validation and empathy. You can add, “we are not allowed to yell” if you really feel like you need to get in the discipline aspect. (But can be done later too)
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mommy201




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 8:22 am
amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:
Isn't it basically doing the same thing? "I can't hear screaming and I have laundry to do so you do your thing here and I'm going away till you calm down"
The only real difference is how it's presented to the kid, but from the mothers end, it's the same no?

Actually is very different. When the mother escapes when child is in need they feel a feel sense of disconnect and can feel like the mother doesn’t care about them. But when t
You are there with them and just stating the boundary along with empathy, they may not be happy at the moment but you are not abandoning them and they hear that you understand them.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 8:28 am
Hi blimie!
Thanks for the compliments. I watched your videos and saw some Instagram posts. I am in agreement with some aspects (the trigger thing is great) and yes disagreement with others.
But thank you for giving a voice to our inner children AND the children of today.
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amother




Burlywood
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 8:34 am
mommy201 wrote:
Actually is very different. When the mother escapes when child is in need they feel a feel sense of disconnect and can feel like the mother doesn’t care about them. But when t
You are there with them and just stating the boundary along with empathy, they may not be happy at the moment but you are not abandoning them and they hear that you understand them.


Ah ha, so we can be doing basically the same thing, the difference is how we tell the child before. "When you're ready for a hug come join" vs "I can't hear yelling, I'm going to my room til you're done"
Thanks!
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amother




Mistyrose
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 10:10 am
I didn’t read through this whole thread so I apologize if this has been answered but: how would this approach handle sibling rivalry? Most of the meltdowns and tantrums in my house start from two kids fighting with each other.

Does empathizing with one party in the fight make the other feel like you’re taking sides?

Does getting involved in the conflict interfere with their ability to problem solve on their own?
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mommy201




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 10:50 am
yidishemame wrote:
Hi! I apparently created this username eons ago and can’t seem to change it now, but it’s Blimie Heller here. (For the record, I’m not an expert or guru and do not believe in the idea of either one.)

My friend alerted me to this discussion and I hopped on to read it!

I have to say it’s REALLY weird for me to see my name being mentioned by strangers on a public forum.

I’m rarely ever on this site and was debating if I should even chime in.

I have to say, I absolutely love the discussion! I so appreciate everyone’s perspectives! I think it’s so great to challenge new ideas (and old ones!) and to think critically. I don’t believe in following ANYONE or ANYTHING mindlessly or religiously. I believe parents need to be trusted more to make *informed* (keyword) decisions with their own children.
(That is why my objective is to inform parents on the basics of child development, attachment, emotions, what children need to thrive and the impact of our actions on them, so that parents are then in the best place to make decisions.)

For those of you who took my course and commented on here, I really appreciate your honesty about your experience. It was so fun for me to read everyone’s interpretation of what I share! I was relieved to see that what I try to impart seems to have been understood (for the most part). I know that it’s easy for information to be misunderstood and I’m glad it wasn’t.

I so relate to you Zehava. I consider myself a free spirit too. I challenge conventional wisdom and push back on any “formulas” or “methods”. If I weren’t me, and I heard about me, I’d probably sound a lot like you!
(Also, that poem about you and your child was so poignant and really moved me.)

I actually created a course precisely because I was tired of the methods and techniques; the details. (The WHAT). I wanted concepts and ideas. (The WHY). And that’s my main goal in doing what I do. To share a perspective.
I do share specifics (because so many want the WHAT) but I urge parents to follow their own intuition above all else.

However, I know that my message will not resonate with everyone and that’s ok. I just want parents to understand one thing.

Children are the most vulnerable and defenseless people in our society. They do not have a voice. Even if they try “speaking” (sometimes through behavior - like many of us did as children) most don’t listen because “What do they know?”, “They’re *just* a child.”, “They’re *just* being difficult, bratty, annoying etc” and because it’s easy to shut them up.
But children communicate through their behavior. And they are GREATLY impacted by their upbringing. Their brains literally develop according to their environment.

And bottom line, every human deserves kindness and respect, no matter their age or size.
Children are people today, not just adults in the making.

So I speak up for them.
This is why I do what I do. Smile


Hi Blimie! Thanks for chiming in! I’m glad people get to see a little bit of the type of person you are and what you represent and believe in!
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amother




Orchid
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 10:52 am
mommy201 wrote:
Hi Blimie! Thanks for chiming in! I’m glad people get to see a little bit of the type of person you are and what you represent and believe in!

❤️
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mommy201




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 11:44 am
amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:
I didn’t read through this whole thread so I apologize if this has been answered but: how would this approach handle sibling rivalry? Most of the meltdowns and tantrums in my house start from two kids fighting with each other.

Does empathizing with one party in the fight make the other feel like you’re taking sides?

Does getting involved in the conflict interfere with their ability to problem solve on their own?


Basic sibling rivalry is ok to let them figure it out on their own. It is healthy, and believe it or not many times if we would just stay out of it they would work it out on their own.

If it’s not so safe or you need to get involved for some reason, best would be to try and empathize with both parties and help them problem solve separately or together whatever works. A parent shouldn’t be taking sides because we never really know what happened fully and what’s going on in everyone’s heart ...
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pizza4




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 11:51 am
Amother fuchsia, often that is indeed the case, I like how you put that down.
I actually had such a situation with my daughter who is 4, she came home from school and started asking for a lolly, (this was after sitting with her and trying to talk about her day!) After she was done crying and screaming I heard from her that she had a substitute teacher that day, and she had been absent the day before, probably wanted a welcome back hug from her teacher... or just unsettled from the different teacher.
I think that kids cant express what they need so well, and often it looks like a random tantrum and I know! I hate all the screaming too and it's not possible to stay calm all the time.
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pizza4




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 11:54 am
yidishemame wrote:
Hi! I apparently created this username eons ago and can’t seem to change it now, but it’s Blimie Heller here. (For the record, I’m not an expert or guru and do not believe in the idea of either one.)

My friend alerted me to this discussion and I hopped on to read it!

I have to say it’s REALLY weird for me to see my name being mentioned by strangers on a public forum.

I’m rarely ever on this site and was debating if I should even chime in.

I have to say, I absolutely love the discussion! I so appreciate everyone’s perspectives! I think it’s so great to challenge new ideas (and old ones!) and to think critically. I don’t believe in following ANYONE or ANYTHING mindlessly or religiously. I believe parents need to be trusted more to make *informed* (keyword) decisions with their own children.
(That is why my objective is to inform parents on the basics of child development, attachment, emotions, what children need to thrive and the impact of our actions on them, so that parents are then in the best place to make decisions.)

For those of you who took my course and commented on here, I really appreciate your honesty about your experience. It was so fun for me to read everyone’s interpretation of what I share! I was relieved to see that what I try to impart seems to have been understood (for the most part). I know that it’s easy for information to be misunderstood and I’m glad it wasn’t.

I so relate to you Zehava. I consider myself a free spirit too. I challenge conventional wisdom and push back on any “formulas” or “methods”. If I weren’t me, and I heard about me, I’d probably sound a lot like you!
(Also, that poem about you and your child was so poignant and really moved me.)

I actually created a course precisely because I was tired of the methods and techniques; the details. (The WHAT). I wanted concepts and ideas. (The WHY). And that’s my main goal in doing what I do. To share a perspective.
I do share specifics (because so many want the WHAT) but I urge parents to follow their own intuition above all else.

However, I know that my message will not resonate with everyone and that’s ok. I just want parents to understand one thing.

Children are the most vulnerable and defenseless people in our society. They do not have a voice. Even if they try “speaking” (sometimes through behavior - like many of us did as children) most don’t listen because “What do they know?”, “They’re *just* a child.”, “They’re *just* being difficult, bratty, annoying etc” and because it’s easy to shut them up.
But children communicate through their behavior. And they are GREATLY impacted by their upbringing. Their brains literally develop according to their environment.

And bottom line, every human deserves kindness and respect, no matter their age or size.
Children are people today, not just adults in the making.

So I speak up for them.
This is why I do what I do. Smile

Thank you!
Thank you for chiming in and thank you for all that info you've been spreading.
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