Getting the kids out of bed (especially minyan boys)

amother

White

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 11:19 am

nchr wrote:

Did you not read that this was the case in my home as well as DH's home growing up. It is still the case with my siblings. What are you talking about?

I guess you’ll see for yourself when YOUR kids get older

octopus

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 11:25 am

@nchr,
Playgroup age children are responsible for waking themselves up? Getting themselves dressed? Making themselves breakfast? That's over the top for me.

Look, if you have this policy for older kids , then fine, I hear that. As long as it's not coming from a place of neglect because you are super busy with your own schedule. Neglect can come in many shapes and forms.

nchr

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 11:25 am

amother [ White ] wrote:

I guess you’ll see for yourself when YOUR kids get older

Obviously....

This is honestly appalling. Why do you need to be anonymous to write this? Do you always resent people who have things that they are comfortable with in life? Do you have a need to control people to do the same as thing as you and think the same way as you? This should not be allowed on this site....

nchr

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 11:27 am

octopus wrote:

I accept this mussar. It's fair and worth thinking about.

BadTichelDay

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 11:29 am

Our kids are still small. We do team work. Dh wakes up the boys and I wake up dd. She hates waking up and needs a lot of talking and tickeling. Dh dresses the boys, dd dresses herself. I run around the house and try to locate missing shoes and kippot. Additionally I make sandwiches and wash fruits for them to take to gan/school and pack their bags. And I give them a simple breakfeast (biscuits/fruits). Either I or dh put the boys on the bus and I drive dd to school most mornings.

dankbar

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 12:28 pm

My husband wakes my 7 & 8 yo boys at 8:00 makes them breakfast & takes them to their bus at 8:45.
My dgtr I take care of. Her school is on my block. The buses start arriving 9:45 to school.

My adult son who works is responsible for himself. His work schedule varies. Sometimes he is out of the house at 6:00 am sometimes he only needs to start only much later. He sets an alarm, if we still see him asleep we tell him what time it is, but it is not our responsibility.

My newborn doesn't need to be woken she wakes "me" plenty on her own.

I voted on dh. But if I am up & my husband asleep then I wake them. My dgtr sometimes wakes on own sometimes I wake her. She is all of 4 yrs old so can't make her yet responsible for herself.

When my big one was growing up he had a hard time waking....nothing helped....until I gave him an alarm clock at 10 yo & made him responsible for himself....until then the fighting didn't stop & he was always late...but he was growing up alone so there wasn't any noise from other kids around.

amother

White

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 12:50 pm

dankbar wrote:

You’r oldest is an adult and then you have an 8 year old?
Sounds like school starts really late where you live!
I think the issues are waking up kids who have to get up at the crack of dawn. Or close to it..

Zehava

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 1:06 pm

amother [ White ] wrote:

Nchr is still dealing with little kids.
Wait till she gets to the teen years..
You can preach and preach but you aren’t dealing with it yet.

I was a teen not that long ago (or so I tell myself)
I was never ever woken up for school. I was late many times and that was on me.
Dd8 has an alarm clock and just needs me to do her hair
Ds next wakes up early regardless. When he wastes time he misses cheder and gets a talk from the rebbe.
I am not planning on starting to wake them as teens. No way no how.

newmommy22

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 2:05 pm

Everyone needs to leave at the same time and get up at the same time. My little ones usually wake themselves up. I turn on the music really loud and that usually wakes up my preteens. If not I go into their room and wake them up. DH is generally long gone by the time they need to get out of bed.

dankbar

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 10:29 pm

amother [ White ] wrote:

yup. unbelievable but true.

my life is stranger than fiction.

Mama Bear

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 10:48 pm

My younger kids I obviously wake in the morning, bc as much as they want to wake up on time for the bus, they are sometimes simply tired and have a hard time getting up. But when it came to the point that my son has to wake up at a time that's earlier than my normal wake-up time, we made it clear that it's his responsibility to wake up. He has a dual alarm clock, and he doesn't want to miss his yeshiva bus bc there isn't really another way for him to get there - I'm not sending him with a taxi or uber at 6:30 am. When my husband gets up for the day, if by some remote chance my son has overslept his alarm, he'll wake him. But he learned from the day of his bar mitzvah that it's his responsibility to make his bus, and bh he does!

Mama Bear

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 10:53 pm

nchr wrote:

I will not wake up my children nor will DH. By the time they need to go to playgroup they are expected to wake up and dress themselves then come to the kitchen and eat. I won't ever wake a sleeping child who has no school etc. so that's not relevant. DH and I spoke about this before we had kids and were pretty adamant about no coddling etc. because of its convenience and our lifestyle (both work long hours). I also personally do not like waking people up so this works. One son needs a little help like an alarm so we have one and also have his lights on a timer.

what age is 'playgroup'?
In my world, playgroup is for 18 months - 2 yrs 9 months.
They wake up & dress thesmelves?
or is 'playgroup' in your circles what we call preschool here?
3 and 4 yr olds are still a wee bit young to wake up and dress themselves all on their own.
What if they went to sleep late the night before? or are simply extra tired?
What do you do if they dont wake up and it's 10 minutes to their carpool/bus/etc?

amother

Mauve

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 11:02 pm

My ds's yeshiva has an interesting policy for boys who make it on time to minyan. For coming on time to minyan a certain number of days, they get fresh chocolate chip cookies, and for making minyan every day for half the year, they get a fancy breakfast.

You wouldn't think something as simple as a promise of yummy food would get teenage boys out of bed, but it works!

I'm mentioning it here because all the posts so far are either, yes drag them out of bed, or leave them alone and let them experience the consequences. This approach instead offers a positive motivation. I know we can't offer a good breakfast before minyan, but maybe some positive bribe along these lines can be helpful.

amother

White

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 11:03 pm

dankbar wrote:

yup. unbelievable but true.

my life is stranger than fiction.

Oh, probably not stranger than my life is...
My elementary aged girls told me that they wish they could ask a professional how to answer people about our situation.
I guess I picked up on your unique family makeup since we have an even stranger family makeup than you can ever imagine.
Writing a book is actually a very good idea...

amother

Violet

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 11:09 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

Waking up children does not have to mean fighting with them. For sure I don't fight with my teens; I have offered my help for them to wake up, they have an alarm clock, beyond that is their problem.
But to first come in the room for any age kid and gently and positively wish them a boker tov, maybe rub their back, help them acclimate to the light turning on, and pump them up for a new day is not fighting.

I'm on her side. Waking up my kids would mean fighting with them.

They have an alarm clock, they know they have to get up. If they sleep through it, that means they are very tired. They then have to know they have to go to sleep earlier going forward. Or they're sick.

If I have to wake my kids, that means a fight. Every time. Lucky you that you're kids wake up easily.

Hashem_Yaazor

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 11:19 pm

Who says they do?!

I have to go back to some of them several times, but I really can't see how I can expect my 2 yo to wake up from an alarm clock without my help, and you bet there is no way in the world it would mean she would learn to go to sleep earlier in the evening.

So I gently and lovingly am involved in the wake up process. They don't necessarily leap out of bed, but then they miss sitting for breakfast and instead get cereal in a bag.

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 12:29 am

And what happens if your teenage son makes his punishment he just won’t weae tefillin days he is running late or skip davening.
He is a great boy. But he is a child and is still learning. And while it’s his bechira to do the correct thing as a parent I feel it’s my responsibility to help him do the right thing.
(And waking him isn’t a figh. It’s a bonding experience. I have so little time with my teenage son it’s nice to wake him and kiss his forehead and give him a hot cocoa on the way to the bus or spend a few minutes together for the drive to school - even if it means waking some kids to take along. It’s my way of showing him I care before he leaves for hours. I don’t think it’s such a horrible thing).

nchr

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 10:14 am

Mama Bear wrote:

We're in the same circles... playgroup is 2.5 to me. My 18 month olds don't even walk yet lol.

Mama Bear

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 11:12 am

nchr wrote:

We're in the same circles... playgroup is 2.5 to me. My 18 month olds don't even walk yet lol.

so your 18 month olds who dont even walk yet dress themselves?
They have some magical precocious fine motor skills that most babies don't?
Please explain.