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Title edit: frum people fostering non Jewish children
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ectomorph




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jan 16 2020, 6:24 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:
All the time? Really? All lesbians? Which ones?

The truth is that children are far more likely to be killed by heterozexual males, especially if they are the "latest boyfriend", and not the biological father. In the wild, a dominant chimpanzee will kill of his new mate's children from a previous father. The new chimp in town wants only his genetic material to go forward. Another scenario, is when a man loses his job, or his wife files for divorce, he will kill the whole family, and then himself.

As for halacha, it gets extremely tricky. You'll need rabbinical guidance all the way, regarding conversion, yichud, etc. I know a woman who converted when her son was 16. He was not allowed to live with her anymore because they were "no longer related". Another family from the community took him in and cared for him until he turned 18 and could convert on his own. Now imagine this situation with adopted or foster kids. I'd have my rabbi on speed dial.

That has nothing to do with foster parenting.
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banana123




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jan 16 2020, 11:47 pm
amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:
SB - the author of the article is a Chabad woman who has adopted. She's just sharing an opinion - not issuing a directive.

Adopting is completely different than fostering.

While I have no problem adopting a non-Jewish child or even fostering a non-Jewish child, I don't think it's right to force a child to live in a home so different than the one they were born into. I can't see taking a Christian child and having him live Jewish for three years as being good for the child. I could never do that and I can't accommodate a Christian lifestyle, so in the meantime I will look for born Jews who I can raise without a guilty conscience. There are enough of them, unfortunately. I don't need a child from a religious family, but I do need someone who I won't feel guilty about celebrating Chanuka with while ignoring his traditions, who I won't feel like I'm missionizing if we take the child to shul.
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Ravenclaw




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 12:06 am
It’s funny, cuz I have thought of this before. It’s something I have always wanted to do, but just don’t feel ready for yet.
But my main reservation regarding nonjewish children, is how would you raise them? Raising them as Jews is probably against the law (church and state) and anyway I don’t know if it’s allowed halachically (forcing your faith on a child, especially an older one).
And logistically I can’t imagine raising a child to not be religious, especially if you have other kids, a kosher kitchen, yom tov...
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banana123




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 12:12 am
Ravenclaw wrote:
And logistically I can’t imagine raising a child to not be religious, especially if you have other kids, a kosher kitchen, yom tov...

Well logistically, if a child is Jewish I don't need that child to daven every day or learn Torah or even dress modestly. I don't mind sending to a different school than my kids go to. I just need that child to respect my choices and house rules, such as not washing laundry on Shabbat, not using the house phone on Shabbat, keeping kosher kitchen and not bringing treif stuff or drugs or whatever into the house. And anyone being "loose" being very very careful not to share any bodily fluids with the rest of us (like not drinking from someone else's cup or water bottle, washing hands regularly, etc.).
But there is a line, and the line is that we do Jewish and even if we can teach our kids to live and let live, I don't think we can accommodate someone who isn't Jewish and therefore requires special accommodations to fulfill the "live and let live" in a parent-child context.
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southernbubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 1:18 am
Ravenclaw wrote:
It’s funny, cuz I have thought of this before. It’s something I have always wanted to do, but just don’t feel ready for yet.
But my main reservation regarding nonjewish children, is how would you raise them? Raising them as Jews is probably against the law (church and state) and anyway I don’t know if it’s allowed halachically (forcing your faith on a child, especially an older one).
And logistically I can’t imagine raising a child to not be religious, especially if you have other kids, a kosher kitchen, yom tov...


I think that there is no violation of the law when the state places foster children in faith based facilities and, unlike public school, we generally practice our religions in our homes with our families and that includes foster children. They usually are taken to whatever places of worship that the foster family attends. This is how many of them have a religious identity to begin with; from various foster placements. My brother's kids got most of their religious identity that way.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:11 am
I can't imagine the logistics either, especially after a certain age. Nor simply depriving them of their tradition and their rights, while I wouldn't want it in my house esp with my own children. And yes forcing one's faith is also a prob. again all above a certain age, little kids aren't a big deal
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ectomorph




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 4:01 am
The fact is a Christian kid from a Christian family should be allowed to celebrate x-mas. Which is not possible in a Jewish home. I don't think it's right to take a kid away from their culture. I have a friend whose parents did that -she ended up converting to Islam (which did not thrill her adoptive parents). It is very hard to be adopted -it is even harder when you v imagine your v biological parents would not approve of you.
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mdm28




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Feb 25 2020, 2:30 pm
Hey all - I was online and happened to find this thread about me and the article I wrote.

I was horrified by the personal nature of the attacks on me and my religious levels by fellow frum women. I'm a Lubavitcher woman living in Crown Heights with two adopted children. This was a thought piece I wrote making an argument about why Jews might consider caring about non-Jewish children.

I didn't personally attack anyone in my piece. Next time you decide to write a comment personally attacking someone on the internet, just keep in mind there's a good chance they will see it.

Wishing you all the best of luck!

MG
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ChayaGee




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Feb 25 2020, 8:21 pm
This is such a kiddush Hashem when Jews show that we are people who have kindness and compassion in our hearts to help care for children in need regardless of religious background. Kol Hakavod!
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southernbubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Feb 25 2020, 8:42 pm
mdm28 wrote:
Hey all - I was online and happened to find this thread about me and the article I wrote.

I was horrified by the personal nature of the attacks on me and my religious levels by fellow frum women. I'm a Lubavitcher woman living in Crown Heights with two adopted children. This was a thought piece I wrote making an argument about why Jews might consider caring about non-Jewish children.

I didn't personally attack anyone in my piece. Next time you decide to write a comment personally attacking someone on the internet, just keep in mind there's a good chance they will see it.

Wishing you all the best of luck!

MG


I did not see any personal attacks on you. One poster wasn't sure of your religious level but nobody attacked you personally. We were discussing the ideas in your article. Why do you view it as a personal attack? The article contained ideas not usually promoted in the frum community; that being giving parental care to children who are not free to convert to Judaism. Why would you not expect discussion of those ideas?
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southernbubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Feb 25 2020, 10:05 pm
ChayaGee wrote:
This is such a kiddush Hashem when Jews show that we are people who have kindness and compassion in our hearts to help care for children in need regardless of religious background. Kol Hakavod!


Probably the average Brooklyn NY frum family doesn't have the necessary physical space to offer foster care because frum families often crowd large families into small apartments.
I would think that from a halachic standpoint, if a Jewish child and a non-Jewish child both needed a home, and a frum family was approved to give foster care, that it would be wrong to take the non-Jewish child and possibly force the Jewish child to be placed in a non-Jewish home.
I don't get the impression that many frum families are in a position to give foster care.
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amother




Azure
 

Post  Tue, Feb 25 2020, 11:12 pm
Adoption is very noble indeed. However I don't understand the whole "Christians are doing it, why are Jews so underrepresented?" argument. I've seen it in other discussions as well. Considering that we as a minority in all countries except for Israel, are often overrepresented when it comes to chesed and human achievement why do we need to have such a strange tone in the beginning of this article? There's also plenty of Jewish orphans who are waiting to be adopted. Adoption is generally not done enough unfortunately. I just don't get why we need to "blame the Jews" again. the argument makes me cringe, sorry.
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southernbubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Feb 26 2020, 8:10 am
Also, many frum families speak Yiddish at home and unless the foster child was pre-verbal, the language barrier would make the care of a non-Jewish child more difficult. I personally can't picture non-Jewish children in Chassidishe homes unless they were being adopted as infants or had a prior relationship with the family.
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