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First Bar Mitzvah - in way over my head

 
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crosenblatt




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jan 16 2020, 6:48 pm
Hello lovely ladies. My oldest just turned 12 two weeks ago and I realized I’m a year away from his bar mitzvah. I’m the oldest of 5, but my brothers are 12 and 14 years younger than me. I was already married and out of the house before they were even close to bar mitzvah so I have no clue what to do or prepare other than getting my son tefillin. What do I need to do? Is there a checklist or something that you can send my way?

Please keep in mind we live in central Florida so there isn’t a large class or other large city amenities.

Thanks in advance for all your help.
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amother




Amber
 

Post  Thu, Jan 16 2020, 7:02 pm
1) Find out your family minhagim. When do you begin putting on Tefillin? Are boys expected to get an aliyah, lein, be chazan, do haftorah, say a pilpul?

2) Ask a local person the community norms. Do boys make a Shabbos event, weekday event, sponsor a kiddush?

3) Get someone to help DS learn whatever he needs to meet the family customs. If he will be leining, find someone to help him learn how. (There is a free online Trop Tutor on Chabad.org, but he will also need someone to make sure he's doing it right. There are online tutors if there's nobody local.) Have someone (DH?) sit down and learn the halachos of Tefillin, of getting an aliyah, davening in shul.

4) Plan whatever party/meal/celebration you will be having. There should be a seudas Mitzvah in connection to the Bar Mitzvah (meat, washing for bread, and divrei Torah) but that does not have to be the "big" party if that's too complicated. You do not have to do a Shabbos extravaganza or a massive catered meal for the entire community. Do whatever works for you, your son, and your budget. If you're doing it somewhere aside for your home, reserve the hall/shul/whatever. Find out if there is anything important to him - music, photographer, just a special gift?

5) Break down the steps to make the above happen, and work through it slowly.

Mazel Tov!
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self-actualization




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jan 16 2020, 7:17 pm
As you start to be invited to the bar mitzvahs of your son's friends, take notes. Call the caterers and ask them how much a party costs (a specific one that you attended). Then discuss with your husband's his vision of what you guys want to do and want to spend.
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SixOfWands




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jan 16 2020, 7:21 pm
crosenblatt wrote:
Hello lovely ladies. My oldest just turned 12 two weeks ago and I realized I’m a year away from his bar mitzvah. I’m the oldest of 5, but my brothers are 12 and 14 years younger than me. I was already married and out of the house before they were even close to bar mitzvah so I have no clue what to do or prepare other than getting my son tefillin. What do I need to do? Is there a checklist or something that you can send my way?

Please keep in mind we live in central Florida so there isn’t a large class or other large city amenities.

Thanks in advance for all your help.


Is he going to leyn? Shabbat or weekday? Reserve the date with your shul, figure out who is going to teach him, and start that.

How are you going to celebrate? Kiddush at shul? Lunch? Dinner? Kids' party? There's no right or wrong answer, but start thinking about it.

You have plenty of time for tefillin.

Mazel tov.
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SixOfWands




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jan 16 2020, 7:23 pm
Oh. Write this in your calendar. A few weeks before the bar mitzvah, go to shul, have the Torah he will leyn from pulled out, and let him review his parshs from the Torah he will be using. Some kids get thrown by different line endings, etc. Some don't. But it doesn't hurt to familiarize him with it.
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asmileaday




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jan 16 2020, 7:27 pm
It really depends where you live and what kind of affair you're dreaming of doing.
Where I live you book the hall about a year in advance. So we decided on that and booked. We also booked a photographer.
After that I didn't think much about it until a few months before the BM (besides ordering tefillin).
We enrolled him in BM classes. He told us where he wants to go based on where his friends went.
I started looking for a dress. Bought suits for my other boys. Bought clothing for the BM boy.
A week before we went to choose flower arrangements.
The hall called us for a meeting about the menu.
That's it really. We didn't go over the top. I don't remember the preps being stressed.
It was a very pleasant affair.
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Hashem_Yaazor




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jan 16 2020, 8:49 pm
SixOfWands wrote:


You have plenty of time for tefillin.

Mazel tov.

Not necessarily. Depending where you're buying from, there may be a lead time needed. We asked our sofer about a year in advance. My sister in eretz yisroel had to reserve 2 years in advance!
Plus if the minhag is to put on 1-3 months prior, it's closer than one thinks!
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