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Did anyone get divorced because of in laws or DH’s siblings?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 12:44 am
What did they do to cause the divorce?
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amother




Jetblack
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 1:27 am
no offense, but if anyone got divorced because of DH siblings husband is not a a dear husband.

Sisters of husbands can cause divorce because they play the role of the wife. This happens because husband did not grow up fully (probably was not mothered properly, hence did not go through process of attaching and detaching from mother figure.) Oftentimes husband would be a good husband if sister would just disappear....

Brother could underhandedly be deathly jeoulous or simply want to be the SUPERIOR male of the family. BROTHER hides horrible behavior through underhanded aggression like making jokes that on the surface is just joke.
Justification of aggression is that victim brother is inferior, the lowest caste of India.
Wife automatically feels the brothers rage which is terrifying. She has no one to turn to because husband blocks pain by denial.
Wife has no support and is in a sense husbandless and unprotected by two men.
(In the Torah we see several examples of brothers hating innocent brother.
This is not a two takes to tango.)
The husband being male has a difficult time admitting that someone is downgrading him.
The husband, being male may also be unaware he is being treated poorly. This can cause horrible stress since the aggressor puts husband into terrible mood and sometimes targets the couple as a whole.
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amother




Blush
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:48 am
Not divorced bH but my in laws have caused so much drama in our marriage that had we not both been strong enough to keep away from them I dread to think what would happen.
They are narcissistic and manipulative people who from the minute we got married caused horrible drama. It seems that even though they met me before I dated my dh they have it in for me bc im more open minded than the family. Recently it all came to a head we have been married almost 5 years and they were getting worse so my husband told them the truth finally and they have started to behave themselves a bit better. Long may it last I pray...
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amother




Plum
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:56 am
I’m following this thread!

My in laws have caused serious issues.

We are in therapy bec of my MIL whose claws are in our house even though we live very far....

If we hadn’t started at therapy and involved our Rav I am scared to think about what Would be today

Would love to hear form people in similar situations

(Worst part is hearing people say how special MIL is.... even by her siblings and nieces and nephews...)
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amother




Salmon
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 4:04 am
DH's close relative married my close relative a short while after we got married (they met through us). A few years later they had an acrimonious divorce. It was natural for each of us to instinctively empathise with our blood relative and it caused tension between us. We worked very hard on it and not only has it not damaged our marriage BH, we both have a friendly and even close relationship with the in-law.
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amother




Tangerine
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 4:22 am
I didn't actually get divorced but this is definitely what rocked the boat by us. MIL needs her kids constantly and doesn't educate her kids to look after their spouses. As we live in a different country it is generally ok unless she is in the mood of pestering, when she visits it's a nightmare and when we are there it is also very difficult. The hardest part is the fact that DH doesn't get it, he claims that most family's work this way- ppl have more feelings for blood relitives and I just have to get used to it.
We have been in therapy but he doesn't like going to someone that trays to teach him. Our rag said he wants him to come and he will have a chat how a women's emotions work, that week the rave was busy so DH never went.
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amother




Goldenrod
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 4:45 am
I know a couple who told me they divorced primarily due to both sets of parents being very controlling and constantly fighting with each other.

They remarried shortly after, and as one of the conditions of remarriage, put very strict rules in place to keep each set of parents completely away from their child-in-law. The two sets of in-laws were only allowed to be present at major events and even then, never to speak to each other. Each set of parents got to see the grandchildren a set time of the week, with their own child, but never the child-in-law. As far as I know, it worked well for them.
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amother




Copper
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 4:53 am
My FIL was extremely controlling, and my husband (first born, anxious to please his parents) relied too much on his father. We lived in the same city as my ILs during our first three years of marriage and DH constantly turned to his father instead of talking to me about a situation. I insisted we move across the country. Baruch Hashem that resolved the issue.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 5:20 am
No one can cause a divorce that the husband didn't let
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amother




Blue
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 5:24 am
We have close friends in similar situations. One couple got divorced, the husband did everything he could but her parents brainwashed her so much that she asked for a divorce.
Second couple had to move as far away as possible from in the in laws, on the advice of their therapist, after much therapy. As soon as the MIL wasn't nearby their marriage improved tremendously.
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oneofakind




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 9:27 am
BIL who is not bright or successful married a girl who was likewise. Problem is, her parents were disappointed in him, let him know it and were instrumental in their divorce. I think if they weren't involved, if there were issues, they could have worked it out.She remarried and divorced again. Don't know why.
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amother




Denim
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 9:33 am
Out of control in laws can absolutely destroy a marriage. It's no joke. I know a few people who that happened to, including my own mother (she and her second husband got divorced mainly because of his mother). It's never "one thing they did." It's years of certain patterns of behavior that goes on unchecked.
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amother




Maroon
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 9:39 am
amother [ Denim ] wrote:
Out of control in laws can absolutely destroy a marriage. It's no joke.

I hate to say this but you are unfortunately right.

My mil threatened and almost broke off my engagement anytime she did not get exactly what she wanted for the wedding. Thankfully some smart people got involved and saved it
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amother




Puce
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 9:50 am
We have friends who had some issues, and parents got involved and pushed them to get divorced without trying therapy.
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amother




Turquoise
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 9:57 am
My dh got divorced from his first marriage due to the ex wife’s family meddling. We secretly call his his ex fil haman harasha and his ex bils hitler. They did very, very terrible things and caused my dh much grief but we are happily married to each other and thankful for that at least. ( My dh tells me he never even realized how unhappy he he was the first time around until we got married.) Even though we have a good marriage my dh will never forget the horrors he had to deal with from the ex in laws.
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amother




Yellow
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 11:21 am
We are not divorced, but I can attest to the pain and difficulty that in-law family members can cause. We were close to it, but at my insistence, pulled back from spending time with DH's family, and we are now in a functional marriage.

My MIL is handicapped and is very childlike - she is someone who needs everyone to do what she wants. At first, I was so sympathetic and understanding, because of course I feel bad that she has limitations. But after a while, the complete lack of boundaries and respect for our marriage and our children was too damaging to continue. His brother used to mock and make fun of him for years until we stopped visiting. Now my dh will visit occasionally but I don't go. His sister had a bad marriage and used him for excessive emotional support which made me feel like he was married to her. I was so hoping for a close and wonderful family, but it didn't really turn out that way. It really came down to a choice for my husband, either you are committed to this marriage and change things, or I will leave. When I finally had enough and there was no emotion or tears, just simple facts, that was when he finally started to change.
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amother




Lemon
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 11:23 am
My ex was always to involved with his family and his divorced sister so I left him
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amother




Mint
 

Post  Fri, Jan 17 2020, 11:25 am
It could have gone that way. We got therapy instead. Created boundaries. B"H Life is good. MIL knows DH will not listen to any negativity about me and will always take my side and knows she doesn't own him or have first dibs on his time or entitlement to know everything she would like to know about our personal life.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sat, Jan 18 2020, 9:29 pm
I am happy to hear that many were able to save their marriages
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Jan 18 2020, 9:37 pm
When couples are financially supported by parents it can lead to controlling parents.

It's harder to tell parents mind your own business when parents are paying your rent.
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