Home

Having married kids over for pessach

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Household Management -> Organizing


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 5:44 am
Can any of you tell me how you organise it if you can't have all the kids at once? Making turns is not working out. Because one year one dd it due to have a baby and can't make pesach herself. Another year another one which is not on the turn, is having a hard time or just after baby or family issues. It's always something. What happens is that some kids get a turn much more often that others and it's not exactly fair
Back to top

Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 6:01 am
I'd say, each year, you change unless baby
Back to top

banana123




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 6:06 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Can any of you tell me how you organise it if you can't have all the kids at once? Making turns is not working out. Because one year one dd it due to have a baby and can't make pesach herself. Another year another one which is not on the turn, is having a hard time or just after baby or family issues. It's always something. What happens is that some kids get a turn much more often that others and it's not exactly fair

Can you talk it out with the kids themselves? It could be that some prefer to make Pesach themselves rather than travel, or prefer spending Pesach with their in-laws instead of with you (for whatever reason). Meaning, could be that while you see this as unfair, it is totally fine with the kids themselves.
Back to top

banana123




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 6:10 am
Also, if you live near some of them, it could be that cooking and freezing the Pesach food would be much more of a help than hosting them for the entire Pesach. Or that you can host more than 1 family at a time, by borrowing the home of a neighbor who is spending Pesach at a hotel or their relatives' home.

Ask your kids what kind of arrangements they would like to see.
Back to top

amother




Papaya
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 6:47 am
Both by my patents and in laws, the younger marrieds get to go before the older ones. If there happens to be extra room, an older one can go. The 2 most recent married couples get to go before the couples that are married longer and have families of their own.
Back to top

rivkam




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 6:57 am
What about the other chaggim or another time? The couple that you dont have room for at pesach could come to you for succot or shavuot.
Back to top

amother




Papaya
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 7:09 am
rivkam wrote:
What about the other chaggim or another time? The couple that you dont have room for at pesach could come to you for succot or shavuot.


Yes and no. It's not fair to expect a newly married couple to make any yom tov at home. It makes more sense for a couple that has their own family to make yom tov at home. At a certain point, going to the parents for yom tov stops. If you have big kids or a large family, it's time to make your own yom tov.
Back to top

amother




Yellow
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 7:21 am
Can you adopt me??
Sounds like you are an awesome mom if your kids are begging to come to you!!!!!
We AVOID going to my parents. I make pesach every year- and I'm only married for 4!
Back to top

rivkam




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 7:22 am
amother [ Papaya ] wrote:
Yes and no. It's not fair to expect a newly married couple to make any yom tov at home. It makes more sense for a couple that has their own family to make yom tov at home. At a certain point, going to the parents for yom tov stops. If you have big kids or a large family, it's time to make your own yom tov.


I guess it depends on the couple. When we were newly married, we spent alot of shabbatot and chagim alone. We wanted to spend time together and it really isnt a big deal to cook for two (or more if we chose to have guests). Now with kids, I really appreciate going away for shabbat and chaggim
Back to top

amother




Cerise
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 7:41 am
Is the problem sleeping space or more than that? Are there people in your neighborhood who go away that you can borrow their houses? Even if you have to hire people to clean for you it’s doable. See if anyone is able to go to in laws instead when you describe the problem.
Back to top

amother




Honeydew
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 7:59 am
I'm at the stage where most of my families are too big to invite unless by themselves. The youngest ones switch off, and sometimes the older ones can get an empty house & invite a sibling.

Last year the oldest had an empty apartment next door and tried to convince me not to make Pesach at all. I wasn't ready yet. Maybe soon...
Back to top

amother




Orchid
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 8:55 am
I never ever went away for pesach. Circumstances had it that I was making pesach and hosting since I got married. We are at the point where we have married kids coming but honestly I’m burnt out and let them know. So some don’t come, some come for part some show up for Chol hamoed.,, at this point no set rules
Back to top

amother




Pink
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 10:50 am
My parents have a space issue too. In our case, the kids work it out amongst themselves. We try to make it 'equal' based on different needs at different times and then we let my mom know what we're planning. Of course, there are siblings who are easier to work with and some siblings who are more inflexible and selfish. But it's not my parents' problem, we are adults and we figure it out.
Back to top

amother




Emerald
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 7:59 pm
I’m married 18 yrs with 6 kids bh. Since there are a few married couples under me, I don’t go away for yt that often. I’ve made yt many times at home happily. When there were 4 -5 couples, dh asked my mil if she can start taking turns since there wasn’t enough room for everyone, but she said no, whoever wants can come we’ll just squish. We tried working it out with the sibs but they all refused taking turns. So we usually stay home! It’s a shame since we live very far and they have no relationship with our kids. Don’t see them too much during the year. We’ve invited them many times but they like being home. I wish they’d do turns, would mean I’d come once every 2 years.
Back to top

amother




Firebrick
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 8:02 pm
amother [ Yellow ] wrote:
Can you adopt me??
Sounds like you are an awesome mom if your kids are begging to come to you!!!!!
We AVOID going to my parents. I make pesach every year- and I'm only married for 4!


Hello!! She can’t fit in her own kids.

Sorry just kidding,
that must be hard I hope things can change for you
Back to top

amother




Firebrick
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 8:05 pm
amother [ Pink ] wrote:
My parents have a space issue too. In our case, the kids work it out amongst themselves. We try to make it 'equal' based on different needs at different times and then we let my mom know what we're planning. Of course, there are siblings who are easier to work with and some siblings who are more inflexible and selfish. But it's not my parents' problem, we are adults and we figure it out.


Sounds impressive. I wish more families were like that.
Back to top

amother




Yellow
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 8:36 pm
amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:
Hello!! She can’t fit in her own kids.

Sorry just kidding,
that must be hard I hope things can change for you


Haha you're cute I actually chuckled Smile

It's bittersweet because I really wish my parents weren't abusive (can't go to in-laws whom I lovvvve because that sets my mother off), but also I love making y"t, and it's sosososo enjoyable and intimate when it's just us two running the whole thing for just ourselves.
Back to top
Recent Topics

Page 1 of 1 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Household Management -> Organizing

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Why did kids clothing prices in frum store go up?
by amother
22 Today at 2:15 am View last post
Wondering what most do about quarantining kids from school
by amother
22 Today at 12:10 am View last post
Sukkah decoration idea to do with kids in quarantine
by amother
7 Yesterday at 8:57 pm View last post
Searching for a Pesach kids CD 1 Yesterday at 8:38 pm View last post
Cozy Coop kids coats
by amother
14 Yesterday at 6:59 pm View last post