Would you hire a male babysitter?

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 9:21 am

Yes I would be okay hiring a male babysitter. But like any sitter, female or male, I would have to make sure they have been properly screened, know CPR.... etc.

When I was a little kid (I did not grow up frum), I actually had a male aupair from Europe who lived with my family for a year. It was such a positive experience for my family and we stayed in touch with him for many years after he left.

mommyhood

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 9:22 am

Babysitting age boys in my neighborhood are usually in yeshiva and not available so it's not generally an option. That being said, I did hire a neighbors son to babysit one year before Pesach and it worked out very well. My kids and I knew him and really trusted him. If he had been around in the evenings during the year I likely would have hired him.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 9:29 am

My babysitter uses her DH as backup, & I'm ok with it! I've seen him interact with the babies and he adores them! (And they adore him! ) I was so surprised the first time I dropped him off and he opened the door and my baby jumped into his arms 😂. We've discussed how her dh comes from a large fam and taught HER how to care for their oldest. (Bathing dressing diapering etc)

DH is also so capable, as are many men I know , so why would I deny them proper care because of gender

sleepybeauty

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 10:14 am

I would not be comfortable hiring a male babysitter. I agree that many men are great with children and are perfectly capable, but it’s not worth the risk to me. Perpetrators are overwhelmingly male. Far too many children are s-xually abused and over 90% of the time, the perpetrator is someone they know. It’s not easy to spot a perpetrator, don’t assume they give off creepy vibes.

“In 88% of the s-xual abuse claims that CPS substantiates or finds supporting evidence of, the perpetrator is male. In 9% of cases they are female, and 3% are unknown.”

https://www.rainn.org/statisti.....teens
https://themamabeareffect.org/.....tics/

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 11:55 am

Maybe this type of answer is not so popular, but if gedolim have told us age parameters for yichud, shouldn't we assume they know something we don't? IMO, it doesn't matter if the boy is the best entertainer, knows how to diaper, etc. Males were created with a different taiva than females. I would never hire a male babysitter unless it was in a group setting, way too risky.

banana123

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 2:10 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

Doesn't that depend on what gender your children are?

amother

Orange

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 2:12 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

One of the families my DS babysits for has 3 boys. The parents LOVE that DS babysits for them!

Ruchel

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 2:16 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

yichud allows males to babysit

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 2:20 pm

I, personally, would not hire a male babysitter based on my own personal experience. My parents once asked a male neighbor to watch us one afternoon and he exposed his eiver to me when my brothers were in another room.

That said, I completely trust my own brother to babysit my children and he's been hired by neighbors to watch their children too.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 8:42 pm

When I lived in the US, one of the most trusted and respected young men in the community got caught grooming young boys, and more. Sad

Again, not saying that exception proves the rule, but it's something to think about.

When I answer an ad looking for a babysitter, I automatically assume that I have to prove myself. I'm an older lady, experienced mom, love doing art projects, don't have a smartphone, and most importantly, I can give local references.

The first time I come over, it's for an interview, meeting the kids with the parents present, and I usually stay for a couple of hours so they can really get a feel for the type of vibe I give off. I'm not the least bit offended if parents rake me over the coals for information before they trust me.

I worry when parents just hire someone and then leave for the evening, and the kids have no idea who this stranger is that's taken over their house. Do your due diligence!

amother

Teal

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 9:53 am

My oldest 3 are boys. Of that the older 2 are teens. They are both amazing with kids and babysit my younger kids when they are home from yeshiva.

That said there are issues with yichud, so their babysitting outside the home is limited.

I do know that my oldest worked in a boys camp. One of the married staff members got a concussion after camp ended and my son watched and entertained her kids the whole day.

SixOfWands

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 11:41 am

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

Do you have sons?

Do you assume that they're pedophiles who are going to molest children if you turn your back on them?

I find this demonization of males extremely troubling. Men can't keep their eyes, hands, or other body parts to themselves. Boys are just waiting to molest little children.

Be wary -- of boys and girls. Get references -- for boys and girls. But let's stop with the assumptions that ever male is a pervert.

perquacky

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 1:53 pm

This is such a sore point with me. I have an 18-year-old son who is a real mensch and has babysat in town for both girls and boys, and even when people vouch for him, there are women in my neighborhood who as a rule will not hire male babysitters. I would never try to change their mentality, but I do think that if a boy sitter has a good reputation, they should not be overlooked.
It's very hard for teenagers to earn money during the year, and babysitting is one of the only options. (I'm not talking about summertime, when there are counselor jobs available.) I think it's truly unfair to overlook the boys.

kenz

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 2:03 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

When I lived in the US, one of the most trusted and respected young men in the community got caught grooming young boys, and more. Sad

I was just commenting on this recently - when I was a kid, I would get phone calls from people saying they got my name from someone, who got my name from someone, etc. and I would be asked to babysit - and yes, sometimes I would go, and it would be fine. We just didn't think of things the same way then (I'm in my mid-forties). Now, I only leave my little ones with grandparents, aunts, or neighbors that not only I but THEY know well. I can't begin to understand how these people were comfortable leaving their children with a random stranger. Happens to be I was always great with kids and very responsible, but they didn't know that going in.