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amother




Cerulean
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 10:56 pm
amother [ Coral ] wrote:
It's not just the exception, but the irony that stands out. But I think there may also be a bit of a chicken/egg situation too. For example, I've always wondered if the reason my grandfather was drawn to his specialty was davka because he noticed the issues within his own family. And with mental illness having a strong hereditary component, well, stuff got passed down through the generations.


I think this is it. I believe that therapists are often drawn to the field in an attempt to understand their own or their families' issues and situations.
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amother




Sapphire
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 10:58 pm
amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:
Most therapists are a bit crazy. They go into that line to work out their own problems.


Here's my edit:

Most people are a bit crazy. At least therapists are trying to learn more to work out their problems.
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amother




Cerulean
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 11:02 pm
amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:
Here's my edit:

Most people are a bit crazy. At least therapists are trying to learn more to work out their problems.


Of course there are people who don't try to work on their problems and don't become therapists.
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thriver




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 11:10 pm
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I find it much easier to be a great parent to other people’s children. I was definitely the best parent before I had any of my own children. It’s a whole different ballgame when you have that extra level of personal responsibility and the 24/7/365...
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 11:28 pm
Doesn't anyone remember when they were a kid... Did you ever want to listen to your mother when they said anything? I never wanted to do that my mother said. Simply be she was my mother, another mother.. Sure I would listen, but not mine.
. So for all those in service/child services jobs..I don't blame you if you're kids don't want to listen. That's just the nature of kids.

And btw... Anyone we're close to. It's often hardest to listen, precisely bc we are so close.

I call it the "Alice in wonderland" problem. In Disney's cartoon, there was the song very good advice. "I give myself, very good advice, but I very seldom follow it"

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amother




Vermilion
 

Post  Tue, Jan 21 2020, 12:05 am
amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:
Here's my edit:

Most people are a bit crazy. At least therapists are trying to learn more to work out their problems.


It's a reaction formation. Every therapist I know is mental. The most unstable people in school were the ones studying to be Psychologists. There's something about psychotherapy that attacks people who need it.

https://www.psychologytoday.co.....blems

From the article:


"Here's a theory that's not so crazy: Maybe people enter the mental health field because they have a history of psychological difficulties. Perhaps they're trying to understand or overcome their own problems, which would give us a pool of therapists who are a hit unusual to begin with. That alone could account for the image of the Crazy Shrink."
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 21 2020, 12:19 am
I don’t think the cobbler’s children analogy holds here at all. Just because a person is a professional in a behavioral field doesn’t mean s/he can fix everything. (For that matter, even a top mechanic sooner or later comes across a machine he can’t fix because it’s too far gone. )

Being a psychologist means you’re trained in certain techniques, not that you can cure all mental disorders, and anyway, treating your own family is not good practice. You can be a parent or a therapist, not both.

Being a rabbi means you have advanced training in Jewish law; it does not mean that you have the answers to everyone’s questions or that you can persuade every nonbeliever to believe. I imagine even Avraham Avinu hosted one or two pagans who weren’t persuaded by his ideas about monotheism, and, oh, yes, let’s not forget his OTD son. It was surely not for lack of attention from his father.

It’s hard to imagine that a teacher wouldn’t help his or her own child who was struggling in school, but that doesn’t mean that that child is guaranteed success any more than it’s reasonable to expect the football coach’s child to be a star athlete just because his dad is a coach.
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amother




Cerulean
 

Post  Tue, Jan 21 2020, 12:26 am
zaq wrote:
I don’t think the cobbler’s children analogy holds here at all. Just because a person is a professional in a behavioral field doesn’t mean s/he can fix everything. (For that matter, even a top mechanic sooner or later comes across a machine he can’t fix because it’s too far gone. )

Being a psychologist means you’re trained in certain techniques, not that you can cure all mental disorders, and anyway, treating your own family is not good practice. You can be a parent or a therapist, not both.

Being a rabbi means you have advanced training in Jewish law; it does not mean that you have the answers to everyone’s questions or that you can persuade every nonbeliever to believe. I imagine even Avraham Avinu hosted one or two pagans who weren’t persuaded by his ideas about monotheism, and, oh, yes, let’s not forget his OTD son. It was surely not for lack of attention from his father.

It’s hard to imagine that a teacher wouldn’t help his or her own child who was struggling in school, but that doesn’t mean that that child is guaranteed success any more than it’s reasonable to expect the football coach’s child to be a star athlete just because his dad is a coach.


I think part of the issue is that when someone gives advice, or is a speaker or a writer, like a rav, rebbetzin, mental health professional, etc. we, the audience, assumes that the person follows their own advice. But that's a faulty assumption.
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post  Tue, Jan 21 2020, 12:28 am
zaq wrote:
I don’t think the cobbler’s children analogy holds here at all. Just because a person is a professional in a behavioral field doesn’t mean s/he can fix everything. (For that matter, even a top mechanic sooner or later comes across a machine he can’t fix because it’s too far gone. )

Being a psychologist means you’re trained in certain techniques, not that you can cure all mental disorders, and anyway, treating your own family is not good practice. You can be a parent or a therapist, not both.

Being a rabbi means you have advanced training in Jewish law; it does not mean that you have the answers to everyone’s questions or that you can persuade every nonbeliever to believe. I imagine even Avraham Avinu hosted one or two pagans who weren’t persuaded by his ideas about monotheism, and, oh, yes, let’s not forget his OTD son. It was surely not for lack of attention from his father.

It’s hard to imagine that a teacher wouldn’t help his or her own child who was struggling in school, but that doesn’t mean that that child is guaranteed success any more than it’s reasonable to expect the football coach’s child to be a star athlete just because his dad is a coach.


The mechanic and coach analogy don't work.
A good mechanic can keep things running longer than a regular person can. DH is able to figure out how to fix cars that are ready to be junked. Our cars run better than most because he has a seemingly uncanny ability to detect problems before they are apparent. And coaches children often have more athletic prowess than other children either through nature or nurture.

Shrinks start out in the negative. They are attracted to the field because of their problems.
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amother




Aquamarine
 

Post  Tue, Jan 21 2020, 12:34 am
amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:
The mechanic and coach analogy don't work.
A good mechanic can keep things running longer than a regular person can. DH is able to figure out how to fix cars that are ready to be junked. Our cars run better than most because he has a seemingly uncanny ability to detect problems before they are apparent. And coaches children often have more athletic prowess than other children either through nature or nurture.

Shrinks start out in the negative. They are attracted to the field because of their problems.


Regardless of why a person becomes a ‘Shrink’ - it’s not a service you provide to your family members.
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amother




Olive
 

Post  Tue, Jan 21 2020, 2:47 pm
amother [ Red ] wrote:
My mother is a famous mechaneches. She has students who she helps tremendously and who adore her. She was a horrible mother.
Same goes for my father in law. He is extremely wise and great at giving advice, has tons of talmidim who adore him etc but when it comes to his family he does not know how to give the right advice...


I have never seen a principal out there saying: anyone know of a good mother out there, who raised a child who could have been borderline functional into a functional human being? I need a teacher for my seventh grade class.
So, teaching and mothering are worlds apart. the personalities and qualities that goes into the making of a teacher is not in sync in the makings of a good mother.
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post  Tue, Jan 21 2020, 2:59 pm
amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:
It's a reaction formation. Every therapist I know is mental. The most unstable people in school were the ones studying to be Psychologists. There's something about psychotherapy that attacks people who need it.


I’m studying to become a therapist and find this offensive. I’m going into the field because I want to help people. The same applies to my classmates and the therapists I know.
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Bleemee




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 21 2020, 3:00 pm
amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:
It's a reaction formation. Every therapist I know is mental. The most unstable people in school were the ones studying to be Psychologists. There's something about psychotherapy that attacks people who need it.

https://www.psychologytoday.co.....blems

From the article:


"Here's a theory that's not so crazy: Maybe people enter the mental health field because they have a history of psychological difficulties. Perhaps they're trying to understand or overcome their own problems, which would give us a pool of therapists who are a hit unusual to begin with. That alone could account for the image of the Crazy Shrink."

Every therapist you know is mental?
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post  Tue, Jan 21 2020, 3:04 pm
amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:
Shrinks start out in the negative. They are attracted to the field because of their problems.

What is your experience with therapy?
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amother




Honeydew
 

Post  Tue, Jan 21 2020, 3:20 pm
My aunt is a famous shadchen and she has several older kids. I think when it comes to your own kids, you're way more nit-picky than when doing info for others.
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post  Tue, Jan 21 2020, 3:23 pm
amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:
I’m studying to become a therapist and find this offensive. I’m going into the field because I want to help people. The same applies to my classmates and the therapists I know.


You aren't being objective. Go research this. I have no skin in this game.
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post  Tue, Jan 21 2020, 3:28 pm
amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:
What is your experience with therapy?


I know a lot of therapists on a personal level. It was my friend, a psychologist, who said people go into the field to solve their own problems.
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amother




Honeydew
 

Post  Tue, Jan 21 2020, 3:46 pm
amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:
I think this is it. I believe that therapists are often drawn to the field in an attempt to understand their own or their families' issues and situations.


This actually makes alot of sense.
My father is a child psychologist. He lost his father at a young age and his family had a very hard childhood. He deals with kids from broken homes and he started a chizzuk organization for bachurim that lost a parent. Growing up, they had no support or chizzuk, he wants to help kids not go through what he did.
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lilies




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 21 2020, 3:46 pm
amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:
I know a lot of therapists on a personal level. It was my friend, a psychologist, who said people go into the field to solve their own problems.


That is very different than calling someone 'mental'...

Everyone has problems and issues, some don't work them through. Some go for help in working it through. Some educate themselves and work it through themselves.
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post  Tue, Jan 21 2020, 3:48 pm
amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:
You aren't being objective. Go research this. I have no skin in this game.

I never claimed to speak for all therapists, I just stated that my experience has been different. I believe that it’s unfair to assert that all therapists are unstable. It seems that you feel very passionately about this and I’m trying to understand where you are coming from.
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