"Cheaper than therapy!"

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amother

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 10:32 am

Okay, this is a vent/rant, and I understand that is just an expression.

I hate, hate, hate when people say things like "Cleaning help is cheaper than therapy" or "a bungalow in the summer is cheaper than therapy" or in the pesach hotel threads, someone mentioned that there are some people that going to a pesach hotel is a sanity saver and keeps them off anxiety meds the whole year.

Well, I don't know where people live or what insurance people have, but I pay a $20 per week copay for therapy. I take prozac and I pay $10 a month for an Rx. No way can I find cleaning help for $20 per week. And if anyone can find me a pesach hotel for $1000 per person, please let me know.

thanks for letting me vent!

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 10:37 am

Lucky you that you get cheap therapy. Are you trying to brag about that?

amother

Sapphire

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 10:50 am

amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:

Lucky you that you get cheap therapy. Are you trying to brag about that?

A good point would be that these things don't substitute for therapy. Cheaper than therapy is an illogical statement. If these things could substitute for therapy, insurance companies would be all over them.

amother

Brunette

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 10:51 am

Agree with you but I've been in cheap therapy (clinic) for about a year now and it's starting to feel like a drag. Like it's not helping. I wish wish wish I had $200 a week for therapy. cleaning help is not the solution for me. I don't get the comparison anyway.

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 10:51 am

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

The meaning of the statement isn't that they substitute for therapy, it's that they can sometimes prevent the need for it.

avrahamama

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 10:52 am

Seriously. Therapy was the most expensive thing I ever did and in the end not what I needed. I really needed coaching. But that's for another thread.

amother

Purple

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 10:57 am

I use that phrase, but mostly for massages, spas, the gym etc. But by my own admission its a defense mechanism. I would gladly pay for therapy if only I'd find one that works for me. I'm sick and tired of spilling my guts out to therapist plus it costing me a lot and it not working for me. So, I focus on enjoying my life.

I'm happy for you that you have therapy that works for you, and for cheap. Many many americans can't say that.

So, now I'll go out for lunch, go shopping, cheaper than therapy. financially and emotionally.

amother

Tan

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 10:57 am

I get why the expression is annoying but I also think it’s true sometimes. At one point I was doing therapy because of anger I had towards my husband and I realized that the real issue is we needed more household help. Obviously doesn’t apply to all therapy situations

amother

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 10:58 am

Seafoam-- that's just being mean. Why is having cheap therapy something to brag about Can't Believe It

and taking prozac-- whether I pay $10 or $100 a month-- certainly isn't?

And I think if you have a REAL mental illness-- a real diagnosis of depression, anxiety, ocd, etc... you will need medication and/or therapy. Cleaning help, pesach hotel, bungalow colony, etc... might help with external symptoms, but they won't help with the underlying issue.

and avrahamama--yep- exactly. I also have ADHD. I don't need a therapist for ADHD. I need an ADHD coach.

sapphire and brunette-- yes, you articulated basically what I was feeling.

and thank you to tan and purple for explaining and giving real life examples. to clarify-- I am actually not in therapy right now, because I learned and internalized enough CBT skills on my own. I also felt it was a drag (never mind the time off from work, etc)

Last edited by amother on Tue, Jan 21 2020, 10:59 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Cyan

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 10:58 am

amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:

Lucky you that you get cheap therapy. Are you trying to brag about that?

No. Most insurances cover at least some therapy and psychiatric care in a clinic.

amother

Sapphire

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 10:59 am

amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:

The meaning of the statement isn't that they substitute for therapy, it's that they can sometimes prevent the need for it.

That also makes no sense. You don't charge a person's psyche by spending money; otherwise, we would have no crazy rich people.

urban gypsy

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 11:01 am

I don't think they are interchangable. The reason why people make the joke is that adequate self-care can prevent a breakdown or burnout which will necessitate future therapy.

thunderstorm

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 11:03 am

In my own personal experience I developed situational depression the year I began working full time instead of part time and I stopped my cleaning help at the same time because it was something we needed to give up due to finances. I did not have any help at home. Everything was on me. I physically couldn’t manage it all. This led to lots of resentment from my children who were used to their mother always having food on the table at 5 and clean laundry and a clean home. This all went to the wayside once I was getting home at 6 every day. The constant complaining from my kids , and my own expectations of myself and the lack of physical help from my DH (who just didn’t “get” how much cleaning help makes a difference ) made me slowly begin to feel completely worthless. At work things were stressful too and at a certain point I couldn’t take it anymore. I basically fell into a deep depression and started with suicidal ideation etc. It was the first time in my life that I needed to see mental health professionals. The psychiatrist told me that my depression was 100% due to my current stressful situation. She advised me to switch jobs to work less and to take vacation. I did get a new job with less hours , and I took a paycut per hour as well. I was paying over $100 for each visit to the psychiatrist. The initial consult was a few hundred dollars. I always thought , had I had the necessary cleaning help I needed and paid that extra $60-$80 a week I would have been able to keep my other job, that paid way more and I would not have snapped the way I did.
But obviously this is what Hashem wanted to happen to me. But the point is that it cost me more , in the long run by not having the cleaning help I needed. (Paying for psychiatrist for a year, and giving up the best paying job I’ve ever had).

amother

Rose

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 11:05 am

OP, glad you have amazing insurance coverage that pays for such things.

Maybe it's the state I live in, because the insurance I have is considered to be a good policy with a good company, but I don't get diddly squat compared to what I see people here getting through their insurance. I've seen people getting OT and speech for their kids covered, fertility treatments covered, mental health services, orthodontics, dentistry, and on and and on and on....

That notwithstanding.... I think the point is that there are certain luxuries that make life go smoother (and different ones will appeal more to different people -- I wouldn't want to live without my housekeeper but pesach in a hotel sounds miserable to me) and if one can afford them it's a lot better than ending up having a meltdown and ending up in therapy -- which at least for me is expensive, not to mention time consuming and emotionally draining.

thunderstorm

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 11:05 am

urban gypsy wrote:

I don't think they are interchangable. The reason why people make the joke is that adequate self-care can prevent a breakdown or burnout which will necessitate future therapy.

This.

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 11:08 am

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

That also makes no sense. You don't charge a person's psyche by spending money; otherwise, we would have no crazy rich people.

Stress can cause psychological issues that require therapy. Sometimes spending money can reduce stress.

amother

Beige

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 11:12 am

I tried therapists in clinics. Wasn’t successful.

The other therapist was 130 an hour and has since gone up. She’s worth every penny but it’s quite a fortune to pay.

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 11:12 am

first of all I don't know if I would be able to get such cheap therapy. my insurance is high deductible. we pay 100% of prremiums
secondly sometimes it shouldn't really be therapy it should be bnervous breakdown, divorce, therapy for kids from the trauma. we went to a hotel one year due to my ocd. it was non negotiable for my husband. I've also spent a fortune on treatments. b"H we could afford it. I still have mentall illness though Sad

dreading pesach but we all prefer staying home to being around loads of people...

amother

Orange

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 11:33 am

For me, cleaning help during the most stressful period in my life was without any exaggeration saving my mental health. Working full time, commuting over an hour each way, 4 kids under 4 crammed into one bedroom, a dh who was working outside the home 7 days a week 18 hrs a day, well, the normal disarray of a houseful of little people was the last straw. I was teetering on the edge of clinical depression and knew it. I couldn’t do anything about family demographics or my work schedule or the size of our apt but I could do s/t about the squalor. Once in two weeks I’d come home to a clean and orderly apt. For fiifteen minutes the place looked great and I felt human before things started to deteriorate. Just that brief moment that I was living in a home and not a hovel, that glimpse of light at the end of a very long tunnel, was enough to keep me going. Because as bad as things got, I knew that in X days Regina would come and set everything right again. You see, it wasn’t the momentary mess that got to me so much as the hopeless sense that this was going to be the tenor of my life for a long, long, long time. Just knowing things would get better and knowing when, that made all the difference. You know stress can lead to depression and anxiety. Anything that relieves the stress lessens the likelihood of developing those conditions. Prevent rather than cure. It’s completely valid.

DVOM

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 4:01 pm

I actually love the phrase. I don't think it's meant to be taken literally. For me, spending money on self-care often negates the need for therapy. I think this can be true for lots of people who do not have real pathology but a propensity towards anxiety, depression, anger, whatever that is exacerbated by extenuating circumstances.

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