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amother




OP
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 9:31 am
The post went a bit off and it was mentioned people having babies and not taking care of themselves or people needing to care for themselves. Some men and women don’t care on there spouses size not always does having more babies cause shalom bayis issues, My view has been yes take care of yourself but doesn’t have to be all the time, I love my kids and I hope hashem will grant me more but in my opinion they are never enough at an older age they keep You young they bring in nachas. This whole new world of self care has gone to far!!

Does anyone agree with me?
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amother




Wine
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 9:57 am
Sure do. I always dreamt of a large family but alas I only have 7 kah.
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amother




Dodgerblue
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 9:58 am
amother [ Wine ] wrote:
Sure do. I always dreamt of a large family but alas I only have 7 kah.


Lol.
Surprised
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amother




Dodgerblue
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 9:59 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
The post went a bit off and it was mentioned people having babies and not taking care of themselves or people needing to care for themselves. Some men and women don’t care on there spouses size not always does having more babies cause shalom bayis issues, My view has been yes take care of yourself but doesn’t have to be all the time, I love my kids and I hope hashem will grant me more but in my opinion they are never enough at an older age they keep You young they bring in nachas. This whole new world of self care has gone to far!!

Does anyone agree with me?


"There are never enough"

No, I don't agree with you.

I don't like that thought process.
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amother




Slategray
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 10:35 am
Not really!
I have a big family but I dont think it's for everybody!
Some ppl can't tolerate chaos and theres no question that it will happen sometimes.
Some kids demand/need more attention than others.
Some mothers get more overwhelmed than others.
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amother




Orchid
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 10:53 am
It’s not just about self care, staying thin, etc.

Personally, when I am overworked and overwhelmed, I don’t think I parent my children as well as I should. Is it fair to my current children for me to be harried and impatient with them? I really want to be the best mother I can.

Of course children are beautiful brachos, and I would like to have a nice amount. But my patience and energy are not endless, so I have to find the right balance.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 10:54 am
amother [ Wine ] wrote:
Sure do. I always dreamt of a large family but alas I only have 7 kah.


I knew a woman who had only 24 siblings, nebbach.you have zero idea how many people you hurt
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amother




Wine
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 11:03 am
Ruchel wrote:
I knew a woman who had only 24 siblings, nebbach.you have zero idea how many people you hurt

You are entitled to your hurt.
And I'm entitled to mine.
I did not intend to hurt you. I'm speaking of my own situation which you know nothing about.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 11:04 am
So yes everyone knows what’s good for them it’s the attitude of others preaching to you. Like if you want 10 kids others telling you that you can’t be a mother you can’t be a wife to your husband etc yes some people can.
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amother




Orchid
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 11:24 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
So yes everyone knows what’s good for them it’s the attitude of others preaching to you. Like if you want 10 kids others telling you that you can’t be a mother you can’t be a wife to your husband etc yes some people can.


I think people were commenting about themselves. No one should make comments about others.

If you have a large family because you feel you can handle it - wonderful! Beautiful! Not my business to comment.

If you choose to have fewer children because you genuinely think you can not handle it - that’s fine, too. Again, not my business to comment.
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amother




Beige
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 11:29 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
The post went a bit off and it was mentioned people having babies and not taking care of themselves or people needing to care for themselves. Some men and women don’t care on there spouses size not always does having more babies cause shalom bayis issues, My view has been yes take care of yourself but doesn’t have to be all the time, I love my kids and I hope hashem will grant me more but in my opinion they are never enough at an older age they keep You young they bring in nachas. This whole new world of self care has gone to far!!

Does anyone agree with me?


Yeah I agree with you.
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gold21




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 11:35 am
Ruchel wrote:
I knew a woman who had only 24 siblings, nebbach.you have zero idea how many people you hurt


Agreed.
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gold21




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 11:38 am
amother [ Wine ] wrote:
You are entitled to your hurt.
And I'm entitled to mine.
I did not intend to hurt you. I'm speaking of my own situation which you know nothing about.


Not really.
Saying: "I wanted a large family and only had 7 kids" on a public forum is insensitive at best.

Hey, I wish I could have more money. We only make 800K a year. I can't afford two live in nannies. Only one. And that sucks.
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amother




Beige
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 11:42 am
gold21 wrote:
Agreed.


I do not agree.

gold21 dear- do you know how many peopleare hurt by posting how much you believe in spacing your children and taking bc? Do you know how many women would be thrilled to take a baby anytime, even if its not the best time? do you know what a

this forum is supposed to be a safe haven where women can express their feelings openly and honestly. yet, only certain women are allowed to experience pain.

if someone posts they had an unplanned pregnancy ( I dont comprehend that term- pregnancy is nver something we can plan only hope for) they get so much sympathy

if someone has difficulty conceiving or has fewer kids than they dreamed of- how dare they express pain?

end of vent- this site is backwards.
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amother




Wine
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 11:44 am
Wow. Just wow. Imamother at its worst.
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amother




Wine
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 11:45 am
amother [ Beige ] wrote:
I do not agree.

gold21 dear- do you know how many peopleare hurt by posting how much you believe in spacing your children and taking bc? Do you know how many women would be thrilled to take a baby anytime, even if its not the best time? do you know what a

this forum is supposed to be a safe haven where women can express their feelings openly and honestly. yet, only certain women are allowed to experience pain.

if someone posts they had an unplanned pregnancy ( I dont comprehend that term- pregnancy is nver something we can plan only hope for) they get so much sympathy

if someone has difficulty conceiving or has fewer kids than they dreamed of- how dare they express pain?

end of vent- this site is backwards.

Thank you for speaking up amother Beige. Thank you for understanding.
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gold21




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 11:46 am
amother [ Beige ] wrote:
I do not agree.

gold21 dear- do you know how many peopleare hurt by posting how much you believe in spacing your children and taking bc? Do you know how many women would be thrilled to take a baby anytime, even if its not the best time? do you know what a

this forum is supposed to be a safe haven where women can express their feelings openly and honestly. yet, only certain women are allowed to experience pain.

if someone posts they had an unplanned pregnancy ( I dont comprehend that term- pregnancy is nver something we can plan only hope for) they get so much sympathy

if someone has difficulty conceiving or has fewer kids than they dreamed of- how dare they express pain?

end of vent- this site is backwards.


Everything you write here sounds good in theory, but is not grounded in the reality of what goes on on Imamother. If what you wrote here was what was going on, you would have a good point.

Can you point me in the direction of where a poster expressed her pain at her difficulty conceiving and was told to suck it up, space her kids, and use birth control?
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lilies




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 11:49 am
If one is surrounded by families with 12+ kids on average, 7 is considered small.
Being that this is a public forum, you have to keep in mind that to others you sound a bit crazy and insensitive to be thinking this way.
Entitled to your pain, but it comes across differently when that is not the norm out in the world.
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amother




Beige
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 11:51 am
gold21 wrote:
Everything you write here sounds good I'm theory, but is not grounded in the reality of what goes on on Imamother.

Can you point me in the direction of where a poster expressed her pain at her difficulty conceiving and was told to space her kids and use birth control?


thats not what I said

I said if someone starts a thread saying they dreamed of having tons of kids and only had 5- they are bashed for complaining. how dare you complain when others have none etc etc

if someone writs that they get pregnant easily - oh boy are they entitled to pain. of course they are entitled to complain even if they are blessed with something so many want desperately.

seriously backwards. if you are so concerned about being sensitive- how dare we discuss spacing our kids when so many are desperate for kids anytime, even if its not convenient?

basically everyone is entitled to pain- some more than others. everyone should be allowed to express their feelings and get sympathy. those that can relate should join. those who can not- should move on.

when I have time I can start such a thread.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Fri, Jan 24 2020, 11:52 am
amother [ Wine ] wrote:
Sure do. I always dreamt of a large family but alas I only have 7 kah.


I actually understand you completely!! I have 6 kids and I hope and pray for more! I know it’s a decent size family but I’m not done yet! My dream has been changed
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