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Struggling with parenting



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Mitzvahmom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 17 2008, 6:15 am
Quote:
This is actually a pretty sore topic right now. Recently I've been feeling almost like I'm not worthy of the title. I have so little patience to my children and I don't think I really take enough time out to really try to understand them. Among other things.


I am also having a difficult week... Maybe it's because I am dating and m y daughter is getting more nervous.. Honestly I have no clue!! It's not like anything is happening in the dating, but I knwo it's what she wants/maybe does not want.

Lately she's been having these rages, where if things do not go the way she wants (she's 9 ). She will start screaming and wack her brothers. Has happened 3 times this week so far Crying

First two times, I picked her up and put her in her room and said do not come out until your calm. B"H she would calm down after a bit.

Last night she decided to hit both boys, scream and throw things. So I lost it and screamed back. I screamed "I never hit you, why do you hit them?? Why are you doing this?? Please stop!!" I felt so bad afterwards, and I think she was shocked that I screamed. BECAUSE I DO NOT SCREAM!! Crying After she calmed down, I said please please this has to stop.. Why are you so angry?!

To which she responded, I really want a daddy in our home. Please mommy, I need time with you for girl things. I felt so bad Sad But I cannot afford time off of work, and I just wish there were two of me.. One to watch the boys and one to sit with her and do girl things. Crying
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cdawnr




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 17 2008, 6:22 am
can you find a neighborhood teen to watch the boys once in awhile as a chesed and you take her out?
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Mitzvahmom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 17 2008, 6:23 am
cdawnr wrote:
can you find a neighborhood teen to watch the boys once in awhile as a chesed and you take her out?


I am not in NY... I am in the suburbs...... no such thing, it's like pulling at teeth to get anysort of chesed helpers
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spinkles




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 17 2008, 7:06 am
I'm sorry things are tough lately. But you are a great mom, and you are doing a great job. Don't forget that! I am so impressed by how you manage to balance everything you're doing and still maintain patience and calmness.

Is it possible that, occasionally, your daughter could go to bed later than her brothers? She could sit and do stuff quietly at the table while you work on your own homework, maybe? It could help her feel like she's getting alone time with Mommy, even though you have to spend it doing your homework--there's an acknowledgment that she's older and more mature and therefore can stay up later. She'd feel good.

In a chinuch shiur, I learned that we should try to give each of our children 10 minutes of undivided attention each day. It makes them feel more secure, so you have fewer discipline problems, closer bonds, etc. Is it possible to do that somehow with your kids?
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Mitzvahmom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 17 2008, 7:14 am
I wish it were possible, I have a TINY apt. My boys cannot fall asleep unless it's pitch dark in the apt., and if they hear that she is awake ooooooh I do not even want to deal with that back lash.

There are some nights, when I can get away with her having the light on in her room. But if I am in there, the boys know that she is staying up later. Every night I tuck them in and tell them each individually a story, typically they ask for the story of their birth or something silly. Some nights I sit in the hall and read 3-4 stories to all three while they are in bed.. Some nights I have no time for any of that.. She always feels like they get more time, because there are two of them so I spend more time in their room than hers. I even have atimer to show that I give them each teh same amount of time, but it's not the same.


We do the best we can as mom's.
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Squash




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 17 2008, 10:49 am
MM I'm with you. I'm having such a hard time lately. Yesterday I was dealing with a 2.5 yo's taaaaaaaaantrum that just wasn't stopping. it was about 5:30. my dd was at a friend's house and the 4 boys were all home.

So here I am feeling like I'm at the end of the rope, slowly but surely losing my grip. clics strewn all over the place. noone liked the supper I worked so hard to make. and my 2.5 yo is screaming bloody murder and not stopping.

that's the point when tears start pouring down my face and I tried so hard to hide it. I mean, I would've been totally spooked if I'd have seen my mother cry (I actually once did, and it's not a nice memory, although it was way more serious than this). all the while I'm like begging Hashem to help me get through this and help me just stay calm and ignore.... of course my 6.5 yo (oldest) saw my red eyes and ran to get into pajamas and made a great surprise (I didn't ask him to).

that made me feel even worse. cuz why should he have this burden that things are hard and he'll be able to make it better. at the same time I was so touched by his sensitivity.

k, thanks for letting me vent. I hope today will be better.

hang in there MM!
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Mitzvahmom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 17 2008, 11:00 am
******************Hugs****************

It means I am not alone!!! Maybe there is something in the air Smile
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yentaof8




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 17 2008, 11:17 am
I, too, admire how you manage and juggle. My DH was out-of-town this week and I discovered just how helpful he really is when he is home. Doing it all is very challenging on ones nerves and very exhausting. Kol Hakovod to you and I hope you have easier times ahead.
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