Who or what did you see outside

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 1:19 pm

That made you say to yourself—what were they thinking? Serious Fashion faux pas?

I think Pom Pom hats on anyone older than (very young) doesn’t cut it

FranticFrummie

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 1:22 pm

On Jews, or on Gentiles?

I could probably come up with a big list, but I don't want to be nasty and come across as mean. I guess as long as the person wearing it is happy, then it's none of my business.

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 1:32 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

I meant in our community. I also don’t like the look of obvious leggings which looks like pants on people who normally dress tzniut

Elfrida

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 1:35 pm

Yes. Is there any purpose/benefit to criticising other peoples choice of clothing? Or are we just trying to feel superior that we got it right?

Fashion choice is individual. There is no requirement to follow any particular rules.

Last edited by Elfrida on Sun, Jan 26 2020, 1:38 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 1:38 pm

Elfrida wrote:

Yes. Is there any purpose/benefit to criticising other peoples choice of clothing?

Fashion choice is individual. There is no requirement to follow any particular rules.

No one said anything about requirement or rules. That’s not what the thread said. If this thread isn’t your cup of tea you can simply go on to anotherj

Elfrida

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 1:40 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No one said anything about requirement or rules. That’s not what the thread said. If this thread isn’t your cup of tea you can simply go on to anotherj

It isn't my cup of tea. But more important, I think it is bordering on Lashon Harah

FranticFrummie

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 1:48 pm

True story: One Yom Kippur, a woman walking in wearing high heels, fishnet stockings, a leather miniskirt, and a bright red sequined tank top. Pretty much what you'd see strolling down the wrong side of town, if you know what I mean.

There were no seats left, so she sat down on one of the steps, which made it awkward for her to get up and down when the aron opened. Nobody offered her a seat, or tried to help her in any way.

Did I get upset that she was in shul dressed so inappropriately?

NO! My heart swelled with love that something had inspired her to be in shul. Something inside told her to come, and obviously it was very important to her.

The only thing I regret, is that I didn't go up to her and say "hello" myself. I wasn't sure if I would make her feel self conscious or not. Maybe she just wanted to be left alone. I'll never know, because I never asked, and I should have.

dankbar

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 1:48 pm

I think when people want to be trendy but wear styles that don't flatter them (think heavy people with poufy gowns) or older people trying to dress very youthfully to look silly

amother

White

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 2:00 pm

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

A woman wearing glittery gold high heeled to the knee boots to our daughter's school play.

That was me.
I was so happy to wear them as my DD and husband bought them for me for my birthday. I really love them and think they are so much fun. I was so excited to wear them. Now I am embarrassed. Thank you for not calling me out on the spot, but for letting me know here so that I will know not to wear them again.
Is there anyway I can check my outfits with you so I make sure I don't embarrass myself in the future?

amother

Aqua

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 2:37 pm

The problem with threads like these isn't LH per say imo.
There is something ugly about trying to make yourself feel good by putting others down. Could be with fashion, looks, weight, economic choices, school choice etc.
It is not an emotionally healthy thing g to do.
And it's a bad trait for your kids to pick up on (and they will absolutely pick up an attitude like this).

amother

Apricot

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 2:40 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I meant in our community. I also don’t like the look of obvious leggings which looks like pants on people who normally dress tzniut

If they are leggings under a skirt, what's not tzniut about it? Who cares if they look like pants?

You can say they aren't appropriate for your community norms, but there's nothing less tzanua about pants under a skirt than nylons under a skirt. In fact, the pants version is probably a lot more modest.

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 2:41 pm

Elfrida wrote:

It isn't my cup of tea. But more important, I think it is bordering on Lashon Harah

Whose name did you see here?

cbsp

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 2:49 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Whose name did you see here?

Ya know, there are sefarim written about hilchos lashon hora that expound on more than just whether names are named.

This thread has the great potential to devolve into the lashon hora equivalent of the completely technically tzanua outfit (elbows, knees, collarbone all covered) but is skin tight painted on shiny red material, fishnet stockings and all.

Getting used to talking about people in a mocking manner violates the spirit of "lo sayleich rachil"

Elfrida

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 2:53 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Whose name did you see here?

One doesn't have to have a name for it to be lashon hara.

And regardless of the strict definition of lashon hara, there is a very clear example of halvanat pnei chaveiro above. Which is a far stricter prohibition than lashon hara.

That should be enough to demonstrate the risk in threads like this.

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 3:16 pm

Elfrida wrote:

Im glad you’re still here. I guess it’s not so bad then.

amother

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 3:17 pm

cbsp wrote:

So what do you hold about all the threads naming names of people accused not convicted of abuse? Not LH?

amother

Mint

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 3:24 pm

amother [ White ] wrote:

Hey, I'm no fashion maven myself but those boots really stood out. And I highly doubt you were the one actually wearing them. How old is your DD?

cbsp

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 3:25 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So are you equally appalled by all the threads naming names of people accused not convicted of abuse? Not LH?

I was addressing your defiant point about there not being any names named. I actually wasn't going to comment on this thread at all until you took that position.

As far as threads that name names goes, yes, it makes me very uncomfortable. There are many halachos that discuss publicizing even a rodef - and many of the threads here do not fulfill the requirements.

Elfrida

Sun, Jan 26 2020, 3:29 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Im glad you’re still here. I guess it’s not so bad then.

I have to say, I'm really not following your logic.

But I am suggesting that this thread be closed, because I really don't see any benefit to it continuing.