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Guest etiquette question



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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jan 27 2020, 12:41 am
I have a question ladies. Hoping you can help me.

We just moved to a new neighborhood. In a different town. Which happens to be a destination. Like people always want to come for Shabbos.

Now in my old neighborhood, I never went to shul. It just wasn’t the thing to do. I don’t even think the ezras nashim is open On just any Shabbos. But in my new neighborhood, it is done. And I love it.

My question to you ladies is this. If I have guest. And for any reason they don’t want to come to shul with me, is it ok for me to leave them home and I go to shul? Is it acceptable? Sometimes they have little kids. Sometimes they don’t want to go out due to weather. Whatever the reason. I did skip shul one week due to a guest and I really felt like I was missing something.

So help me. Cuz if I am not in the right, then I might just stop inviting guest.
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amother
Sienna


 

Post Mon, Jan 27 2020, 12:49 am
Not a problem at all! It’s not like you are leaving them for a meal or overnight... it’s just a couple of hours and I think it’s fine.
You can mention it to them before they come if you remember or tell them the night before that you are going to shul on shabbos morning, this way they can decide if they want to come with you or hang out in your house and wait.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong at all.
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amother
Wine


 

Post Mon, Jan 27 2020, 1:41 am
I think it needs to be discussed before Shabbat. If you go, make sure they have access to anything they might need for breakfast for the children, extra toys, supplies, whatever, while you are gone.
And I wouldn't dawdle after davening either.
For example, I wouldn't stay at a kiddush and eat so that I am then not in any hurry for lunch. Your guest will be waiting for lunch.
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Mon, Jan 27 2020, 2:00 am
When inviting or following up on Thursday or whenever, I would say to them, just so you know, you may want to pack something for Shul. I always go to shoe and I love it. You are welcome to join me or if you don't want to, you are welcome to stay home while I go, whatever you are most comfortable with. If they don't go with you, you should give them a time to expect you home. I disagree with amother wine, you do not need to run out and be anti-social, but you can't have them sitting there indefinitely.
My Shul is typically over at 11:15-11:30,
People stand there for a very long time especially if the weather is nice and there is a Kiddush. I would tell my guest to expect me home by noon. This gives me a few minutes to socialize before I need to leave for home (preventing me from resenting my guests) but it is not unreasonable to get home at 12 and start lunch at 12:30- and everyone knows the plan.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 27 2020, 5:16 am
Let them know when you make the arrangements that you go to shul and they are welcome to join you or stay in, as they see fit. No reason for you to miss services because your guests won’t go.
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mommyhood




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 27 2020, 5:30 am
I think discussing/mentioning it Friday night is more than enough. It turns it into a big deal if you need to have a conversation when you invite them versus something more relaxed.
As a guest I’ve stayed ‘home’ while the host went to shul and I did not expect them to change their usual plan for me. I’ve also been the guest who’s gone to shul when the host stayed home for whatever reason. The only time I could see it being an issue is if there’s no eruv and your guest has a baby so she can’t choose to join you.
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amother
Ginger


 

Post Mon, Jan 27 2020, 6:13 am
I think the guest should go with you to shul especially if they are coming to you because it's a destination. I would feel different if they came to you before when you didn't live in such a desirable area.

You should not feel any pressure to alter your Shabbos and rush back. I tell my summer guests the schedule. I don't want the pressure of cutting short my enjoyment.
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singleagain




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 27 2020, 6:18 am
Shul is not always a thing that ppl want to go to. And they should not be forced to. As long as the guests are polite and respectful of OP's home, there is no reason you can't say "I'm going to shul we'll be home to start lunch by x time"
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OOTforlife




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 27 2020, 6:24 am
If these are people who invite themselves to your destination home for Shabbos as a favor, you don't need to change your routine at all. Just let them know what times to expect you and where they can access anything they might need in the meantime.

Obviously, if you are inviting family or friends who are traveling specifically for a short visit to spend quality time with you (as opposed to for a simcha), you should probably build your routine around them for the limited time they are visiting.

Of course, that only covers the etiquette part. Are you concerned at all about what might go on in your home if you leave strangers alone there for 2-3 hours?
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Mon, Jan 27 2020, 6:46 am
You have zero obligation to skip shul just because your guest does.

The only question is if you’re comfortable leaving people you don’t know alone in your home. For me, I’d be hesitant. Particularly if there are young children and I don’t know what kind of supervision the mother gives. Will she let the kids jump on the furniture and wander around with cookies? Obviously if you’re less uptight than I am it’s a non-issue.
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STMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 27 2020, 10:20 am
I agree with the poster who said you should let the guest know before Shabbos, like on Thursday night. if I knew I could go with my hostess to shul and I was interested in doing that, I would pack differently.
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