Kids from large families who are changing the world

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Wed, Jan 29 2020, 4:50 am

I don't remember the exact details but the rebbe of zvhill was the youngest of 19 (?)

SuperWify

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 6:30 am

Op, I get what your saying- big families are beautiful- but plenty of kids from small families are changing the world as well.

It’s not dependent on family size. Rather I believe it’s the way they were raised.

Last edited by SuperWify on Wed, Jan 29 2020, 8:34 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Magenta

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 8:23 am

People are born with a mission to accomplish and the skills and background needed to do this. Only Hashem knows both. It may include growing up in a large family, or not. Among a myriad of other details that make up a person's life.

mig100

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:12 am

SuperWify wrote:

I don't think this is what op is trying to say

amother

Azure

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:16 am

mig100 wrote:

exactly. thats why I dont understand all the negativity about large families on this site

Do you come from a large family?

Lets do the maths. Large families need bigger incomes and very often the mother has to help out by working many hours. Its not possible for her to look after herself and children both physically and emotionally this way. Its also mainly when you have them so close together like yearly that the mother hasn't got time to breathe, how can she be there for her kids?

This is the reason I resent that I grew up in a large family. My mother was always having kids and going back to work soon after. I feel like I got to know her at the age of 15 when the babies stopped.

The interesting thing is, she discourages her children from doing what she did as there will be neglection

amother

Silver

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:31 am

I'm the 4th of 12 B"AH.

I remember being in a doctor's office with my mother when I was a child, and she was having a conversation with the doctor about how much she loved all her children, and how love multiplies, and all that nice fuzzy stuff.

I really do believe she loved us in her own way. But when managing a large family, love is not enough. When my mother couldn't handle all the noise, she either shut herself in her room for hours leaving us to figure out supper, laundry, etc... or she liberally hit everyone in sight, and verbally abused us too. There was alot of dysfunction and neglect. My father wanted her to use BC and she refused.

What should I say? We learned to be pretty resilient, and some of us are actually quite accomplished.

Does this prove your point, OP?

Kinor Dovid

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:48 am

Rav Moishe Feinstein zatzal was the 10th child in his family.
Not telling anyone what to do.
Every case is individual.
But the entire Torah world should thank his mother for not taking birth control.

lilies

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:49 am

I know of someone with a large family. She raised her kids calmly and happily. Large family does not equal dysfunctional. Large family does not mean less income.

amother

Pink

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:55 am

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

I am the 3rd of 12. Are you my sister 😊?
And yes I would say some of us are accomplished despite coming from a large family - not because of it .

Ema of 5

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:56 am

Raisin wrote:

I think anyone who can handle a very large family is very possibly a strong personality so not surprising they pass on those traits.

True, but not everyone who has a large family can handle it.

amother

Firebrick

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:07 am

lilies wrote:

I know of someone with a large family. She raised her kids calmly and happily. Large family does not equal dysfunctional. Large family does not mean less income.

Large family means less income per child. Even with discounts large families have less disposable income and more needs. It is that much more expensive to raise a large family.

lilies

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:14 am

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

Large family means less income per child. Even with discounts large families have less disposable income and more needs. It is that much more expensive to raise a large family.

I've seen plenty of cases where income increased with every child.
I myself have a 'relatively' small family and do not have more disposable income than those with 'medium' and 'large' families.

I personally don't believe logic will explain it. If Hashem so wants it, large families will have enough.

mig100

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:17 am

amother [ Azure ] wrote:

Do you come from a large family?

No I don't and trust me things were far far far far from perfect to say it mildly.

Since I posted under my screen name and don't see this leading anywhere productive I'll stop here

amother

Silver

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:20 am

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

I am the 3rd of 12. Are you my sister 😊?
And yes I would say some of us are accomplished despite coming from a large family - not because of it .

Nope

boy on top of me.

amother

Cerise

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:30 am

I’m one of 4 children and always knew I wanted a big noisy messy underprivileged house full of lots of kids when I grew up. Like the kind my best friend had. Then I became a mom. N realized that noise and mess and disorderliness stresses me out and leaves me on edge. Also that lots of kids means less of the sleep and space I need to function well. I wish I’d have known that about myself before I had 3 kids each 18 mo apart. I now have 4 kah and feel guilty almost daily about the individual attention they don’t get. And the time and energy I don’t have for them...
I’m sure there are moms and dads who can do it all, handle everything, and give each of thier children all the things they need. And I hope people only have as many children as they can handle

amother

Khaki

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:40 am

I am the 2nd of 11. Ill echo the poster who says that her mom does not encourage her children to have as many as she did. My mom says that but when you see us in action it takes everything she says and throws it out the window! There is nothing quite like siblings making fun of their youth (and parents!! [Respectfully of course])
Both of my parents came from wealthy homes. Not like todays wealth where things are extravagant. Just enough to help my parents out so things werent tight. My dad learned in kollel and then went to work for his father my mom was always a SAHM. My mom is a very very VERY hard working person. She kept the house running smoothly. We never felt our mess, laundry, existence was a nuisance to her. She raised us incredibly well. We all bh have very successful careers but only 1 sister is a SAHM. I think that's why my mom encourages us to go on BC. She sees that balancing a family and work (and tons of outside pressures) is very different than when she was raising us...
I will say this - when you come from a large family where everyone gets along, you will never ever feel alone. There is always someone to come to the rescue (weather you are drowning physically of emotionally) its truly a wonder. I hope my parents get a lot of nachas watching reap what they sowed:)

amother

Firebrick

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:47 am

lilies wrote:

Income increases as one gets older. Your earning power in your 50s is significantly greater than your 20s. Naturally if you have more kids, you follow the same career trajectory add you age in general as those with less or no kids. I am not opposed to large families. I happen to help out 2 of them significantly. But, it's a redistribution of wealth from my family to theirs.

The same wealth redistribution happens when those with smaller families get discounts on tuitions for school and camp. I would have well over six figures more if I were not paying others tuition. When collectors come because they are marrying off their 9th child, someone else is paying for their large family. I could go on and on, but living off of others is not earning an income.

I am not questioning the values of helping others out who aren't making it. But call a spade a spade.

My best friend had 13 kids. She and her husband got married at 17, she said she bought into the whole thing that Hashem will give them more income with each child. And when this doesn't happen, the family suffers.

Large families can be many good and wonderful things, but more income?

amother

Crimson

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:58 am

Whenever I’ve discussed their large families with my friends who grew up with 18 siblings (I have more than one friend like that) they all mentioned they were happy kids growing up because the siblings had each other as support . At the same time, they did experience neglect by their mother but they didn’t feel anger towards her and didn’t allow themselves to feel negatively towards her because they knew she had a lot to deal with. They each had issues in adulthood that needed to be addressed and it was a result of their upbringing . However , they are very special people and have made names for themselves. It doesn’t mean they didn’t have it hard.

amother

Peach

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 11:04 am

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

You’re right.
I think it’s about the orthodox community appreciating values. We value Torah and the mitzva of having children and we also value chessed.
Someone who has a big family and can’t afford to pay tuition is not considered irresponsible in the frum Torah world , for having them.
Family planning is not a frum concept.
But I agree with you, many many large families are struggling. And many many generous people like you are marrying off their children and paying for their schooling.

My husband went to a yeshiva gedola that had no tuition fee. (In Europe) When his father asked how much to pay he was told “whatever you can” They happen to be wealthy and he said “I can BH afford it. Please tell me what’s the cost”. And he paid the full amount.
But I’m amazed at the system.
No one was ever turned down for lack of funds.
There are many many amazing and famous people who learned there, paying just whatever they can.
And it’s generous people like you who enabled that. I’m jealous of your merits.

amother

Dodgerblue

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 11:17 am

Kids from Chabad families are changing the world

I think that's a more accurate headline. And also applies to some of the other people mentioned on this thread. Chabad mentality raises kids with a mission, to set out and change the world, to get out there and accomplish, to know that you are responsible not only for yourself but for those around you.

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