How do I politely get my Rabbi to respond to me/my husband'?

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Forum -> Judaism -> Halachic Questions and Discussions

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amother

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 4:28 pm

My Rabbi speaks to women, our secretary is a woman, he gives a weekly shuir to women, gender-I do not believe is the issue. I find my Rabbi doesn't responded to my questions in a timely fashion, and only after I make a nuisance of myself-which I hate. My husband stopped asking as he feels the Rabbi doesn't like him and the Rabbi can't be bothered.
Thank G-d my questions are not earth shattering. I texted him recently, about a sitting shiva related inquiry (time is not of the essence-the person is on hospice) and was looking back at the text history. (Other questions involve kitchen mess ups, can I buy a certain haskacha...) I text him, I follow up 3-4 days later, and then 2 days later he answers me. Just treat me with the curtesy of saying sometime within ~24 hours that you are dealing with something and will get back when you have a chance or you need to look something up and will get back to me within the week. Something.
I am so tempted to reach out to our LOVELY Rebbitzen and ask what is the best way to reach him-maybe there is a better method than texting, but I know I am really being passive aggressive.
Do I find a new Rav to ask my questions to? How do I find one?

If you don't personally speak to your Rav as you have an issue with women communication with a man, my community is different and response in that line of thinking are counterproductive.

amother

Oak

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 4:32 pm

I understand. I have the same problem. Interesting how on this site, a lot of ppl lecture that one must ask a rav, while I agree, the reality is I have not found an understanding rav who has time for all my shailos as he is overwhelmed and inundated with all shailos from so many others.

mha3484

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 4:39 pm

Have you tried calling? The rav of my shul gave a drasha where he said he does not answer shailos by text message. Your rav may just not be a texter and would be happy to answer if you called.

amother

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 4:44 pm

When I have called in the past, he always hits the can't answer now, text me.
But still doesn't respond in a timely fashion and without me following up at least 2x

imasinger

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 5:09 pm

Why go through his wife?

Next time, when you finally get through to him, ask him that directly -- "what's the best way to reach you? I know you're busy, and am not sure when I don't get a response to a text or call after a day or two."

octopus

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 5:11 pm

A two day response is not bad. Many times a rav has to look up an answer. Things take time. As you said, these shaalos are not time dependent

amother

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 5:19 pm

octopus wrote:

A two day response is not bad. Many times a rav has to look up an answer. Things take time. As you said, these shaalos are not time dependent

It is not two days, it is that I need to remind him 2x that I am still awaiting a response.

thunderstorm

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 5:19 pm

Whenever I call my rav his wife picks up and takes a message. She always checks to see if it’s urgent or not. If it is he will call back sooner. My rav told me that he’s a very busy person and if he doesn’t answer right away , it’s not something personal.

Raisin

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 5:21 pm

He's probably just very very busy, not ignoring you. I wouldn't take it personally.

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 5:32 pm

The Rabbi I use has a policy not to go to sleep unless he called back anyone that called him that day with a halachic question, as it can be timely. I don't leave a message, I just call and if he isn't available I know he'll call back. And he doesn't have my number in his phone, he calls back all his missed calls.
I barely ever call (once a year maybe), don't know if that makes a difference.
The overseas Rabbi that my husband uses for more hashgacha questions like "what should we do in this situation" tries to call back within 3 days, but I've had it take up to maybe 5. I found that annoying but I know they're human and field a lot of calls.

amother

Blonde

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 5:38 pm

I wouldn't read into it that much. He probably gets many messages and as they move down the conversation list it's harder to remember to look up whatever he needed to answer you. Next time you text a shaalah say that you feel bad nudging and ask if there's a better way.

amother

Cyan

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 5:44 pm

My father is a rabbi and I know his preference of communication is email. It's much easier for him to keep track of emails, to go back and star something or mark as unread. He almost always responds within hours.
I would definetely reach out to the rav and ask if there's another way he'd rather be reached

amother

Lavender

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 5:50 pm

I email my rabbi rather than text. If I need an answer quickly then I put "urgent" in the header and if it can wait a while I label it "not urgent" so he doesn't even have to click on it if he's busy.

If I haven't heard back from him in a week or so then I'll either ask DH to check in with the rav or I'll just resend the email. He's usually pretty prompt but he can get busy or he may be traveling and not as accessible.

If I need to talk to him urgently then I'll call or if I have a question that's too complicated to write out but not urgent then I'll email asking what's a good time to call to discuss an issue and usually he'll just call me when he's available.

amother

Azure

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 5:55 pm

DH is a shul Rav and gets a lot of shaylos. He tries to answer them in a timely fashion, but at times might just miss a text or email. I know of a congregant who was upset about that but he genuinely gets so many questions via email/text that every once in a while one slips by. I would say if you don’t hear back within 2 days (or 1 day If it’s timely) then try again. For DH calling and leaving a message is the best way to communicate. Hatzlacha rabba.

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 6:17 pm

while almost getting divorced my rabbi on 15 years never answered my calls we stopped going to his shul and left our 1.500 a year membership
our new rabbi didnt come to my mothers shiva he only has forty members and we go to all his events and support his shul

amother

Mustard

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 6:21 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Why don’t you call him instead?

amother

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 8:09 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

When I have called in the past, he always hits the can't answer now, text me.
But still doesn't respond in a timely fashion and without me following up at least 2x

ruby slippers

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 10:52 pm

OP- is this your shul Rabbi or just a Rav you ask questions to. I think there is a difference as a shul rabbi is getting paid and its part of his job to answer members in a timely fashion.

amother

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 11:18 pm

Shul Rabbi.
Btw, I asked my question yesterday at the end of the work day, as he also works in a school, but before dinner/maariv/the shuir he gives Monday night. 30 hours later, still not a word.
I guess I am also still a little hurt from when many months ago, my DD had surgery andI texted him at 6am to please keep her in mind that morning in davening (DH was going with me to the hospital and would not be in Shul) never heard back-no Refuah Shelemah, no text later in the day-how is she. It is a fairly small community (~150 families) had I told him in Shul the Shabbos before, I would maybe understand his not remembering as I know he is busy and has a lot on his mind, but respond Refuah Shelemah on the spot, you don't even need to remember later. Or have the Rebbitzen call.
How does one find a new Rabbi to ask questions to? I find that school Rabbi's tend to not answer shailahs, and nobody wants to answer for someone else's congregant as they assume (mistakenly) that you are either overstepping or shopping for answers.

amother

White

Tue, Jan 28 2020, 11:38 pm

Find another rav who you can text your questions to!!
There are so mAny!

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