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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
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amother
OP
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 Tue, Jan 28 2020, 6:33 pm
my parents and his mother planned our wedding seating charts rsvp cards etc
I just picked out the flowers which my mother in law choosed at the end they looked like weeds
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amother
OP
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 6:34 pm
my parents and his mother didnt talk since the wedding thirty years ago
she recently died and was still upset over this
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amother
Pewter
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 6:40 pm
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I was happy not to plan any of it. My sister and father did it all. I chose flowers and dress (oh and groom! BH) and showed up.
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amother
Oak
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 6:41 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | my parents and his mother didnt talk since the wedding thirty years ago
she recently died and was still upset over this |
What made them stop talking to each other?
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amother
Burlywood
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 6:54 pm
I was totally a guest, and thrilled to be!
I picked the flowers (from the two Gemach choices) and picked the first bouquet that looked nice and coordinated somewhat. It took me about 5 minutes! I also chose the musician.
I went to Israel for a learning program for 3 weeks, and came back 2 weeks before my wedding. Best thing ever! Everything was already arranged by the time I came.
I picked a gown before I left, which fit perfectly, and then by the time I got back I had lost 10 lb or so, so it was loose 
I didn't care about too many of the details, so it worked out perfectly.
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amother
Forestgreen
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 7:08 pm
I chose the groom, and that's it
It was awesome that way. No added stress for meeeeeeeee!
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amother
Mauve
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 7:18 pm
Yes and it was wonderful.
I picked my DH and I was marrying him. My parents/in laws were paying and it is only fair that they should dictate the budget. I picked what color was worn (with the input of my sister right below me as she had to wear it) and black-per my SIL who is weight self-conscious' request. My MIL picked the florist and I went with her one day to determine which flowed I was partial to, if I wanted high or low tablescapes and if I wanted white for myself or colored. After that, she worked with the florist about budget. My parents picked the place and took me to see and asked if it was okay (they saw many, but what was the point of showing me something above the budget or more than something else they liked equally). Menu -my mom picked what looks nice on a plate. What do I care what people eat-I was marrying my DH!
Photographer- my MIL used the same as her last simcha that she was happy with.
Music-my BIL is in the business and he handpicked his friend's and put together our band. DH picked the song for me to walk down to ❤️- what difference did it make to me, it made him happy (and we were young and in love).
My dress I picked form a specific place and price point-I loved it and felt like a princess, but as long as I didn't hate it, most dresses look basically the same.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 7:24 pm
| amother [ Oak ] wrote: | | What made them stop talking to each other? |
she is a cold heartless !@#$%% I almost didnt marry my husband because I didnt like her
at the shloshim we showed old wedding video clips and a scene was when they were breaking the dish and then hugged my adult daughter said that was the last time they saw each other whichis prob
true minus a bris they didnt hug
my mother in law sent a condolance card and asked for the spelling of her name my mother was always upset she was not invited to the many simchas she could have been invited to they lived ten minutes from each other
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amother
Yellow
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 7:43 pm
Dh and I were given the advice to pick 1, max 2 things each to really push/insist to have as we wanted and to leave the rest to our parents. We picked halachik/hashkafik things (our parents are frum but hold differently on many things.) So mine was the mechitzah, with a preference on the band. And dh's was who got kibbudim of eidim and saying brachos (all frum), with a preference on mesader kiddushin.
B"H, the parents listened in general and took into account what we wanted, but in general, they made the decisions. (B"H my MIL remembered my allergies when doing the flowers.) And that was fine with me- I didn't care about too many details.
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amother
Copper
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 7:51 pm
| amother [ Yellow ] wrote: | | Dh and I were given the advice to pick 1. |
Good advice except it didnt work for me.
There was only one thing I cared about at all by my wedding. When I expressed my preference really nicely, my mil got furious and called up the shadchan screaming " how dare I ask for anything" ( besides the fact that my parents offered to pay for any additional amount it would cost)
Of course I didn't get the one thing I requested and I was made to feel like total garbage. I came to my wedding extremely hurt.
This is only the tip of the iceberg of the stress of my wedding preparations.
Hugs welcome. Topics like this are so triggering to me. Yes we are by very happily married-its still painful years later.
That was therapeutic to post.
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amother
Orange
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 7:55 pm
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My parents planned the wedding. I told my mother no salads with red onions by the reception. I didn’t want anyone giving me a red onion breath kiss #bridezilla
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amother
Bisque
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 7:58 pm
We very much guests at our
dd wedding. Her mil made all the decisions and presented us with a fair accompli without consulting us about anything, not even the invitations. This would have been fine if we hadn’t been footing half the bill. It was 100% a Machetonnim Family Production. About the only thing Machashefesteh didn’t control was which of our own guests were seated together.
You might sort of expect this when you’re the MOG because, usually, it’s all about the bride, esp. if your ds gets married in a distant city. But when you’re the MOB you would like to feel like you’re an equal partner in hosting, and paying half the bill doesn’t do it.
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amother
Green
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 8:15 pm
| amother [ Copper ] wrote: | Good advice except it didnt work for me.
There was only one thing I cared about at all by my wedding. When I expressed my preference really nicely, my mil got furious and called up the shadchan screaming " how dare I ask for anything" ( besides the fact that my parents offered to pay for any additional amount it would cost)
Of course I didn't get the one thing I requested and I was made to feel like total garbage. I came to my wedding extremely hurt.
This is only the tip of the iceberg of the stress of my wedding preparations.
Hugs welcome. Topics like this are so triggering to me. Yes we are by very happily married-its still painful years later.
That was therapeutic to post. |
Me too but it was my mother who steamrolled over me insisting I didn't know what I want (you trusted me to choose the guy didn't you?) only 5 years later and still learning how to find and listen to my own voice. Only decision I ever made in my life was actual dh, not even deciding to date or get married let alone the one thing I wanted and offered to pay with my own money.
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amother
Copper
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 8:16 pm
| amother [ Bisque ] wrote: |
You might sort of expect this when you’re the MOG because, usually, it’s all about the bride, . |
Sentences like this are excruciatingly painful to me. I also thought so until I got married. In my case it was all about the MOG. she got what she wanted or she screamed like a 2 year old. I was a difficult terrible kallah for caring about one thing at my own wedding.
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chocolatecake
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 8:19 pm
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I was a guest at my wedding and thrilled to be. I chose my dress, my bouquet and of course the groom. And that’s it.
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mig100
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 8:21 pm
| amother [ Green ] wrote: | | Me too but it was my mother who steamrolled over me insisting I didn't know what I want (you trusted me to choose the guy didn't you?) only 5 years later and still learning how to find and listen to my own voice. Only decision I ever made in my life was actual dh, not even deciding to date or get married let alone the one thing I wanted and offered to pay with my own money. |
I hope mothers reading this will reconsider their priorities when making wedding. the guests wont remember much years later. the kallah will. hopefully in a positive way
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amother
Copper
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 8:24 pm
| amother [ Green ] wrote: | | Me too but it was my mother who steamrolled over me insisting I didn't know what I want (you trusted me to choose the guy didn't you?) only 5 years later and still learning how to find and listen to my own voice. Only decision I ever made in my life was actual dh, not even deciding to date or get married let alone the one thing I wanted and offered to pay with my own money. |
the fact that I didnt get what I wanted was the least of all the things I cared. what bothered me was that she called the shadchan screaming that I was so difficult and how dare I think of asking for anything- that was extremely hurtful and worst than anything
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amother
Pumpkin
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 8:26 pm
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Op. Idk but I didn’t like your attitude. My Dd wanted us to plan her wedding but we needed her help. You need to have gratitude and be grateful and thankful. I don’t understand why did this tragic situation. It is such a shame. What did she do that’s so bad?
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saralem
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 9:27 pm
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I wanted my mom to pick everything— menu, color scheme, centerpieces. I only cared about my gown and bouquet. But we are BT’s and my parents struggled with mechitza, type of music, no bridesmaids etc. in the end, they went along with almost everything BH.
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MiracleMama
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Tue, Jan 28 2020, 9:40 pm
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My mother did everything. I was fine with that. I knew she’d make it beautiful and there was nothing I could think to ask for specially. I was young and happy to be getting married. Nothing else mattered.
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