Is it normal? | Imamother

amother

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 7:23 am

Im bh 16 years married (almost 17) oldest 15
And we still haven't yet to put away and saved up money for the future.
We live in a small house but since I have a small family right now , were comfortable. I have what I need , we live comfortably bh, when it comes to grocery shopping, or before a yom tov , although I dont have for to spend really so much on extra's , but I do fargin myself once or twice a month to eat out with friends (I need it for my emotional health) I do join the gym, I do have a cleaning lady once a week for a few hours, I pay a lot for tuition and mentors for my 2 boys which is needed. just listing my expenses. I do rent a house . So now Me and dh have dreams . We still wanna buy a house, im worried about marrying off . I would like to know how ppl live on a budget? Me and dh are not so good @ being organized with money trying to figure out how to save up. My dh works for someone , he is in his field for around 12 years bh . @ one point he wanted to open on his own but he cant think of it right now from all expenses standing in the way. Owning a buisness comes with lots of investments and we dont have money for owning a buisness, so he made choice to stay where he is now. I currently do not work , im not good @ a lot of things so makes it harder for me to find work. Eventually I do hope to get a job .

Any ideas how to start saving up?
How do ppl manage to save?
Is it normal after so many years married we havnt yet to save up?

We do recieve tax return so that helps us pay for therapists, mentors, yom tuv expenses , so it barely stays over anything to be saved up.
I do feel is if we would really live on a organized budget and watch where we spend and how we spend , saving up can happen . Now, because me and my dh dont know how to manage the money the right way , nothing is happening. I discussed it with my dh that we need sit down together and discuss seriously how we are going to start saving up money. Well, we do have lots of expenses going on , im not even sure myself if big money can come out to be able to save.
I dont spend on unnecessary's,

Im here to ask for ideas how ppl manage to save up while their are being big expenses in the way?? And isnt it an embarrassment from all the years we got nothing in savings account?? (I feel its a beesha shame) im really getting worried since my dc are becoming older and soon shiddichim iyh , I really have to wake up and start living on a relistic budget. Help! How do u do it and how do u live with a chesbon?? Its giving me soo much stress .

amother

Papaya

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 7:58 am

Does your husband get paid through direct deposit from his employer? If so, one way to "force" yourself to save is to have a certain amount directly deposited into a different account. It should never even hit your regular checking and do not consider it to be part of your regular income, as you will then most likely use it for whatever comes up or find a reason not to transfer it to savings. You will spend less if you have less in your regular account. Do not touch the other account unless it is a dire emergency. Even if it's only $100 a paycheck, the savings will slowly grow over time.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 8:03 am

amother [ Papaya ] wrote:

I second this. We have $450 each month going directly into a different account for marrying off kids. I'm doing this from when my oldest was a baby and by the time she hits 20, that account will have over $100,000 ih. Even if your kids are older, it's never too late to start saving.

amother

Bronze

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 8:10 am

There really is no magic formula and an investment advisor isn't necessary.

You need to "spend" money for savings in the same way that you spend money for any other item on your line budget like rent or car payments.

What you need to do is sit down with DH and put down ALL your expenses and ALL of your net income (income after taxes). Divide those expenses into non discretionary expenses - (rent, utilities, car payments etc.) and discretionary expenses (eating out, gym, clothing etc.). Savings of 5% or even 10% should be in the NON-DISCRETIONARY column.

I understand that certain discretionary items make life more comfortable but they are discretionary. You can figure out how to get the benefit of them in less expensive ways and also prioritize which discretionary items are the most important for your emotional well being. For a working woman, cleaning help is probably more critical than others.

I say this as someone who has gone through periods of being poor and being affluent. When I didn't have much money, I did not meet friends for lunch or dinner. I socialized with them in different ways. And sometimes I would meet them for lunch and not eat or just have a soda or coffee. A gym is nice but I have exercised in ways that cost me nothing.

The important part is to change your thinking so that saving becomes a goal in itself that you want to achieve. As others have posted, don't focus on whether the small amount you are saving is meaningful - it all adds up. It's the same as any other goal in terms of taking small steps to achieve.

It also helps in terms of motivation if you determine what you are saving for exactly instead of just "saving". If you know you are saving for specific stuff it can be more motivating.

amother

Ecru

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 8:20 am

Where I live, chasuna plans are very popular. Most people put away 70 + a months per child which you can only take out at age 18/ marriage. (family member is in the business so im in the know)

Someone related that even though they are considered more well off than many others in my community, they found the expenses very difficult whereas their siblings who struggled financially throughout the years were very much ok with wedding because of these chasuna plans.

amother

Linen

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 8:38 am

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

We do this too. We put away money for each kid.
My goal isn’t 100,000 because we have a lot of kids. But my oldest kids account just got 40,000 so I cut his payments because otherwise I couldn’t afford to start for my baby. It’s a monthly direct deposit into mutual funds so it’s as if I never had the money and money is invested monthly so it happens when market is high and low.

Both DH and I also contribute monthly to 401k.

baby12x

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 5:11 am

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

Just to add that even if you can't afford to put that amount away- I certainly can't. There is a value in putting the tiniest amount away every month. Yes, even $5 if you can spare it. Put it away as soon as you get paid.
Just do it.