Is this common for a girl?

amother

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 3:17 pm

I am wondering if my daughter's behavior is typical or not. Since she was born, she never liked cuddling or laying her head on anyone's shoulder. She doesn't especially like hugs or kisses and she likes her space. Just wondering if there is anything I can do to make her warm up more or is this just her nature? Let me just clarify and say that me and my husband are very warm and loving people. We also noticed that she can be very moody as well. She is almost 2 years old. She loves me and my husband very much and she definitely likes to be held but that's the extent of her warmth. The funny thing is that I noticed that she hugs and kisses her dolls/stuffed animals and is very warm with them, just not with people.

amother

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 3:29 pm

gamanit wrote:

How is her eye contact? Is her speech on par?

Her eye contact is excellent. She does say some words and she loves to sing songs. She can carry a tune very well. She doesn't say that many words yet but she says a few 2 or 3 word sentences. She kvetches a lot when she wants something because she doesn't talk that much.

gamanit

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 3:31 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How is she sensory wise? Does she seek or avoid sensory input more than typical? Does she communicate more via gestures or words?

amother

Bisque

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 3:34 pm

Gender has nothing to do with it but personality does. Some people are more touchy feely by nature and some are not. There’s nothing abnormal going on. If there were something off like not liking to be touched at all or not showing affection at all, you’d have reason for concern.

How does dd show she loves you? Remember the five love languages. Sounds like touch is pretty low on her list. Maybe she hugs and kisses her dolls because she’s copying you.

banana123

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 3:38 pm

gamanit wrote:

How is she sensory wise? Does she seek or avoid sensory input more than typical? Does she communicate more via gestures or words?

I agree with you (I was thinking the same thing) but it sounds like you are trying to diagnose on the forum.

OP, please discuss any concerns you have with your pediatrician and/or a child development specialist.

gamanit

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 3:43 pm

banana123 wrote:

Actually just trying to see if an evaluation is warranted. At this age they only give services if you either have a diagnosis or need therapy for more than one thing.

amother

Violet

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 3:45 pm

It's a type. I hate to me touched or cuddled. One of my kids are the same. She never let herself be cuddled, hugged, or kissed from when she was a baby.

banana123

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 3:47 pm

gamanit wrote:

Actually just trying to see if an evaluation is warranted. At this age they only give services if you either have a diagnosis or need therapy for more than one thing.

Interesting, here they will give you therapy for one thing, if that's what you need. You just need an evaluation for that specific issue by the relevant therapist (PT/ST/OT).

My apologies, then.

amother

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 3:52 pm

I agree that she is probably not the cuddly type. It's just a little hard since we are very warm affectionate people. My son loves to cuddle and hug me and I wish my daughter would sometimes. My son used to lay on my shoulder when he was a baby or lay against my chest and my daughter never liked that. I love her so much and I wish she would sometimes cuddle with me on the couch or in bed. She is the yummiest child!!

amother

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 3:59 pm

Many times, she gets annoyed or upset if we try to hug her or kiss her and will push us away. It just makes me sad sometimes because I love her so much and that is one of the ways I show love to my kids.

Rachel Shira

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 4:00 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This is a good reminder that we can’t mold kids to be like us or the way we want them to be. If she doesn’t like cuddles, she doesn’t like cuddles. Maybe there’s a different form of physical affection that she’d like, like tickles, a back rub, or chills.

amother

Salmon

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 4:43 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My almost 2 year old boy is like that. Hasn't cuddled since he was born unless he was sick but can snuggle with his blankie all day if we let him.

amother

Linen

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 5:00 pm

My baby, too! Same age.
He gives kisses, and hugs but no cuddling.
Unless he's sick.
He also likes to bang his head and hurt himself when he gets mad & I asked my ped about it, who said If he's otherwise verbal and affectionate and gives eye contact and talks and play with other kids, it's a control thing. He's getting a reaction out of me.

amother

Puce

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 5:25 pm

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

So many studies have shown how crucial it is for babies and children to get a lot of physical touching and affection from their parents. They need it to thrive.

amother

Linen

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 6:50 pm

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

So many studies have shown how crucial it is for babies and children to get a lot of physical touching and affection from their parents. They need it to thrive.

How does that differ from what I wrote & what the ped said?

amother

Lavender

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 7:00 pm

My dd never liked to cuddle when she was 2-3 it’s a personality thing and she has sensory issues same like me so I never forced her. Now she’s a bit older and once in awhile she’ll offer me a big hug and it’s the best thing ever. I wld ask her if I cld have a hug sometimes she wld say yes and sometimes she declined. I used to be forced to hug and kiss relatives and I became very cold and aloof took awhile to be able to hug again and to this day can’t hug certain ppl, I wld prob have benefited from OT. In general don’t force ur sensitive kids, show them in other ways - verbally etc

amother

Emerald

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 7:14 pm

My son is like this. I think it's normal. I will never throw my hands around him in a hug. Instead, I will hold out my hands and ask him, would you like to come to mommy for a hug? Sometimes he comes, sometimes he declines. I've found that respecting his space makes him feel safe enough to come to me for cuddles and hugs if he needs them.

ETA: He can cuddle with his blanket for hours.