Nagging Till She Got Her Way:Give Me Perspective

amother

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 5:07 pm

DD wanted something very badly, and I kept on listening to her fantasize/dream about the details and I kept on telling her that its not happening, but I let her talk about it, because I'm not going to stop a girl from dreaming.
Maybe once of twice (of the approximately 50 times) she spoke about it, I said something that could be taken as a not definite no (like, I don't want it because of such and such, which she argued with how she could work around it).
She also spoke to DH SEPARATELY about it a lot BEFORE she started talking to me and he didn't feel it was such a definite no, so he was a bit wishy washy.
At the end of the day, she pressured him to give in while I was at work.
Anyway, I take full responsibility for not discussing it with DH and getting onto the same page as him, or getting him onto my page. I'm not going to blame her for that.
BUT, my question is, what should I do about the fact that I very clearly told her she can't do it, and she went to DH instead?
Ignore? Discuss? Consequence?
Please don't give me ideas for next time. I want to know for NOW.
And no, I'm not going to a parenting expert who rhymes with seller Wink

Laiya

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 5:12 pm

How old is dd?

Did she clearly understand that you were opposed to the thing she wanted on principal? For example, if you told her no because it's too expensive, maybe your dh told her it was an acceptable price?

How did she anticipate you reacting when you learned she had end-run you, did she realize you would not be pleased?

amother

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 5:24 pm

Laiya wrote:

She's preteen.
It wasn't really principle: It was more a situational thing that impacted someone else, and she knew how I felt about that. DH didn't feel as strongly about it, and I guess she felt it too.
I don't know what she is anticipating. Probably nothing. She'll just say, "But Abba said I could."
She doesn't tend to think of consequences (maybe because she doesn't tend to get too many of them Wink

)

amother

Pink

Thu, Jan 30 2020, 5:24 pm

Did you very clearly tell her no? If so, have a discussion and explain to her that if mommy says no she can't ask Daddy. And vice versa. For this time leave it as a lesson. But you can let her know for next time that if she asks one parent who says no and then asks the other parent, you will take that item/ privilege away. This is assuming she's old enough to understand. How old is she anyway?