Dd left out of class

amother

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 10:19 pm

Dd had group work in class. The teacher made the groups, and one of the members needs her group to leave the room for group work because she can't process with all of the talking. So dd's group went in the hall, and the teacher forgot to call them back when she started teaching again. When everyone left for recess, they realized, and saw a full board of notes. The teacher apologized and told them they could get the notes from a friend.

The other kids in the group are fine, but dd loves this class because of the teacher's teaching style, which helps her to really learn and remember the material. She doesn't learn well through reading notes, and will likely not remember any of it. Yes, it's hard when she is sick. But this is different.

What should we do? The teacher teaches during dd's lunch period, and that likely wouldn't even work well.

amother

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 11:01 pm

I hear that. But I'm not looking to take the teacher to task; we all make mistakes. I want dd to understand the work. She got the notes, and doesn't understand them. And she doesn't want to fall behind because of this, and resents having to put in a lot of extra time to try to learn them because of the teacher's mistake, when she can barely sit through her assigned homework.

groisamomma

Mon, Feb 03 2020, 11:07 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm not sure how old your DD is, but I'm sure there are any number of bright students that can come over after school and explain it to her as she writes the notes.

Unless you just need to vent.

amother

Cerulean

Tue, Feb 04 2020, 9:33 am

hugs!

ouch sorry this happened

I'd use it as a teachable moment -- even the best teachers/people are not perfect and make mistakes -- and how to empathize, acknowledge her feelings and move forward and past it. If she needs "audio" review then yes get another student to work with her, or older person, or tutor, or teacher. I'd help her learn to focus on a solution as the next best step.

amother

Tue, Feb 04 2020, 10:05 am

Thanks. We are doing all of that. The friend she always exchanges notes and help with doesn't understand it either.

More than anything, she is frustrated to have to put in so much effort and time because she was forgotten about. She seems to want the teacher to take some responsibility to help her out (as do I, but not pushing it.) I think that she would have been happier if at least the teacher had taken some kind of initiative, even to provide her with notes or the like. And she is upset that the teacher would assume that getting the notes from a friend is easy and enough to make up for missing class. But you are right. I can help her learn to move on.

amother

Cerulean

Tue, Feb 04 2020, 10:11 am

have you spoken with the teacher? I would do this in a very nice understanding way to maximize getting her cooperation and stay focused on the solution and ask her if there is a time she can meet with DD to go over the material -- you can let her know while you appreciate the notes and have tried meeting with another student DD still does not understand it. (and did she apologize to the kids she left out in the hall? you can't legislate or force that still the whole thing is a bit unusual to be sure-- how old is DD?)
and if a number of kids still don't get the material maybe the teacher wants to do another review

hatzlocha

shmosmom

Tue, Feb 04 2020, 10:18 am

Is she in High School?

If so, it's not your place to get involved. You can offer sympathy and another viewpoint, but not more.
Also, I feel like the group should've sent someone back every 5 minutes or so to see if it's times up; it's not the teacher's responsibility to call them back unless she said she would. Easy to blame the teacher, but if it was enough time to teach a significant amount of material then it was enough time for one of the girls to go back and check what's going on. And it happens that for whatever reason a girl misses a lesson (simcha, sick day, extra circular project) part of the school experience is learning how to deal with things when not everything is served on a silver platter.

amother

Ginger

Tue, Feb 04 2020, 10:18 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Did she try approaching the teacher and asking for help? Not in a “you forgot about me now reteach it” way but in a “I’m not understanding- can you please help” way?
I had difficult teachers through my high school years. They were always happy to re-explain/clarify/answer questions at the end of their period.
Perhaps suggest to your daughter that she try.

amother

Puce

Tue, Feb 04 2020, 1:44 pm

An attitude shift is called for here. “Your dd” wasn’t forgotten—her whole group was forgotten about. Don’t make it as if dd was deliberately marked for neglect, which is what your post sounds like.

Also a bit of perspective and a long view are called for. It’s one piece of one lesson from one day out of an entire school career. It will neither make your dd nor break her. She has the notes; it may be a struggle but she can still learn the material.If her bff doesn’t understand the material , she can ask someone else in the class.

And where are you in this picture? If you’re so very concerned about your dd missing out, why aren’t you helping her learn this material? How long can it take? It was—what? An hour’s lesson? You don’t have an hour to invest in helping your dd instead of wasting time on imamother?

amother

Slategray

Tue, Feb 04 2020, 1:51 pm

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

Paragraph 1 and 2 were reasonable.

Paragraph 3 could have been said nicely and without the insults.

allthingsblue

Tue, Feb 04 2020, 2:08 pm

I hear your frustration because that type of thing would bother me tremendously as a student as well. But it's a great teachable moment. Sometimes people make mistakes that have repercussions. Sometimes we are on the receiving end of those mistakes an are affected by it. We need to learn to be assertive yet forgiving. So ideally your daughter would approach the teacher and ask if it's possible for her to spare a few minutes (maybe over the phone) to teach the material or Recommend someone in the class who can help her out. No it's not a perfect situation but life is never perfect, and people often don't act the way we wish they would. We are better off being proactive to do as best as we can instead of trying to change other people. I am speaking to myself as well here!

notshanarishona

Tue, Feb 04 2020, 2:22 pm

Deal with it. It's not such a big deal and not your or your daughters job to take a teacher to task . She can either ask a friend , you can help her with it , or she can ask her teacher her specific questions during recess /break . We all make mistakes and you are making it into a bigger issue than it has to be . I would just help your daughter with reading the notes and be finished with it.

amother

Tue, Feb 04 2020, 2:34 pm

Thanks all.

I am available and happy to teach it to her. She has attention issues and can barely sit for her regular homework- this is extra, and will be very difficult for her.

She doesn't feel singled out- she's annoyed for the other two girls in her group, too. She's working on talking to the teacher. And yes, she is learning that people are fallible. She's really not upset at the teacher that the group got forgotten- but she wishes she didn't have to pay for it with koach she doesn't have to spare.

"Assertive yet forgiving"- I like that language. Thank you.

amother

Ginger

Tue, Feb 04 2020, 3:36 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

She doesn’t need to pay for it! In all likelihood the teacher would be glad to explain the part she’s having difficulty with if asked. There is nothing wrong with saying “I was trying to make up the work I missed and am having a hard time understanding xyz”
I actually had a teacher who once told me she prepares her lessons anticipating my questions - she knew exactly how to keep things clear for me precisely because I asked when unclear.

amother

Olive

Tue, Feb 04 2020, 4:31 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It sounds like she is being "medakdek kichut hasaarah" when a person is makpid on other people it is not good for them klapei shamayim.
Furthermore, she can also look at it that this is what Hashem wanted her to do and it is a nisayon. No teacher can make her work harder or less hard. Hashem is the one that made that this teacher should have the thought of calling them back in fly out of her head.

If you want to skip the yiddishkeit part out of it, then this is not good for her personal development. Life happens and life is usually not FAIR. A person has to learn to roll with the punches and let live. It does not help her in life to be upset with the teacher and look at it as if she has "to pay" for it. Live and move on. The way she is reacting is what it looks like to be a difficult person. It is not good to be such a justice seeker.