I’m the boss’s wife

amother

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 1:12 am

I’m that person you probably talk about sometimes.
My dh is the boss at an office.
I don’t think he’s very well liked considering his not easy personality, his bluntness, and especially being the boss of a stressful office.
He’s actually nicer at home than at the office.

Here’s the issue, we will be marrying off our dc soon and as expected the staff will be invited.
As is, I don’t know who these people are, so I feel bad having them come, and I don’t feel comfortable seeing them. I’m really embarrassed of my dhs workers.
They are definitely not interested in coming but they “ must “ because it’s their boss.
How off is it if I somehow give them over the message that it’s ok not to come?
They won’t be able to tell dh mazel Tov at the wedding anyway.

DrMom

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 1:47 am

Not much you can do. You're all sort of stuck in a social dance:

- You can't *not* invite them, because that would be insulting
- They can't turn down the invitation, because they fear that it will reflect poorly on them

So just invite them, seat them together, and try to be gracious hosts.

I hope your DH treats them better in the future.

amother

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 1:57 am

DrMom wrote:

Your right I just feel so stupid.
I’m constantly telling him to speak nicely, but it doesn’t work.
I try not listening because it makes me cringe.

I’m so Sorry fellow ladies that work for him.

amother

Violet

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 2:01 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Your right I just feel so stupid.
I’m constantly telling him to speak nicely, but it doesn’t work.
I try not listening because it makes me cringe.

I’m so Sorry fellow ladies that work for him.

It's really nice of you to be so considerate of them.

They may just enjoy the night out, if they're all seated together. Maybe you can tell them, when they come to wish you mazal tov, how you know how important their role is, how much they add to the business, etc. Try to concentrate on saying something genuine, so they at least get something nice from you. I know you'll be concentrating on many other guests, but if you can, try it.

And, don't worry too much about them, since it seems to be out of your control. They are probably just happy they are not his wife, so all's good. Wink

abound

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 3:49 am

Is there anyone in the office you can speak to directly? If not, then just invite and do the social dance.........

My boss has done this,
Your husband Invites everyone!
He then comes back a week later and saids, My wife said it is not nice to make all the women come out when they won't even say Mazel Tov because of the mechitza. She saids It is too hard for women to shlep out so everyone.......dont worry about it!

amother

Burgundy

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 7:38 am

It might actually be nice for the workers to see your husband (and family) in a different setting. When you see someone marrying off their child, and you join in their simcha, it can foster warmer feelings towards the baal simcha which can carry over into the workplace.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 8:00 am

OP you are thoughtful for thinking of your workers. That thoughtfulness itself will come across to your workers. People are very transparent- you can see when someone cares about you and when they only care about what you can produce. Invite your workers and make sure to spend a moment to go over to them and thank them for their work. The sincerity will come through.

DrMom

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 8:04 am

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

I'm assuming girls won't go to the men's side to wish their boss mazal tov.

Why do you assume that all the employees are female?

Can't they wish the family mazal tov after the chuppah?

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 8:12 am

I had a boss once who always yelled. He married off his kids, and we didn't go to the wedding since it wasn't local. But he ended up inviting us to sheva brachot. His wife was super sweet, and his kids were kind, and I thought "mmm.. maybe its just the stress that gets to him..."
Just be kind. I think sharing simchas can create a bond that makes people less angry toward each other.

amother

Wheat

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 8:14 am

DrMom wrote:

Why do you assume that all the employees are female?

Can't they wish the family mazal tov after the chuppah?

OP said they won't be able to tell her DH mazal tov, so I'm assuming they're ladies.
And OP said they're ladies.
It make zero sense for non relative females to wish a man mazal tov after the chupa.

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 8:17 am

In my office, we don't invite everyone.
The person who made a Simcha often brings afterwards some cake or a bit more and celebrates in a small setting with the coworkers over lunch.
Some don't do this either.

asweet

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 8:27 am

I had worked for a very stressful boss in the past. He was always yelling at me and blaming me for whatever went wrong... I thought he is the meanest guy his wife also worked in the office. I did attend the simchos it was irrelevant that he was a nutty boss I went said mazal tov and left.
Just invite everyone and smile... Let everyone do whatever they want.

amother

Wheat

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 8:38 am

amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:

It's different when a workmate makes a simcha VS the boss making a simcha.

amother

Burlywood

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 8:42 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank them for coming and then move on to your other guests! Try not to think about them and enjoy your simcha with your family and friends.

They will have a fun night out with each other!

Also, they chose to still work for your husband so it can't be that bad. I'm sure if they really didn't like working for him they would work elsewhere.

Mazel tov!