I’m the boss’s wife

amother

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 5:57 am

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

Thank them for coming and then move on to your other guests! Try not to think about them and enjoy your simcha with your family and friends.

They will have a fun night out with each other!

Also, they chose to still work for your husband so it can't be that bad. I'm sure if they really didn't like working for him they would work elsewhere.

Mazel tov!

Then why do I read here so much about mean bosses and toxic work environments? Somehow they don’t leave just because it’s bad.
Id love to think they stay because it’s ok, but honestly when bills are waiting to be paid you just go on working.

Learning

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 6:46 am

I think he can make a party for the office and maybe don’t invite them for the wedding. You don’t have to mix work and family. I know two very rich businesses owners in our community that I know that are very nice to their workers ( Dh an I worked there for some time). They never invite their business associates. I guess they accepted it. Their workers are not frum and not even Jewish. They range from management to office stuff etc. These bosses are extremely nice.I went to their wedding. It’s completely frum. I never saw any work associates there.

DrMom

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 7:52 am

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

It make zero sense for non relative females to wish a man mazal tov after the chupa.

Depends on your circles.

In my circles, it is expected that a guest would wish mazal tov to the person who invited him to the simcha, since that is the person in the host party with whom he has the most direct connection.

Most people do this either at the kabalat panim, after the chuppah, or at the reception.

To not say anything would be viewed as rude, or at least anti-social.

Sunny Days

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 7:58 am

Learning wrote:

This will only “prove” to them that boss doesn’t like them... “see, he couldn’t even bother to invite us to his simcha bla bla bla”

amother

Mauve

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 8:09 am

What you think is cringeworthy may be fully acceptable, and the workers would be hurt not to be included or included in a second class invite. This is a chance for DH to build camaraderie not slight them.

amother

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 9:39 am

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

Could be, maybe I’m just too sensitive.
How do you handle it when your boss yells at you? Do you think your boss is mean? Do you think maybe he is a decent person but “ this is business “
How can you go home to your family and and not feel like a roach.

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 9:45 am

DrMom wrote:

To not say anything would be viewed as rude, or at least anti-social.

An anti-social person would hurt people, not avoid talking to them.

amother

Bronze

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 11:58 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Actually it is very painful and I have left such a job.

trixx

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 12:03 pm

Why can't you just invite them for simchas chosson vkallah and not the meal?
Ppl do that all the time here. Send an invite but without a rsvp card. It means you're invited to dancing only.

singleagain

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 12:04 pm

trixx wrote:

Why can't you just invite them for simchas chosson vkallah and not the meal?
Ppl do that all the time here. Send an invite but without a rsvp card. It means you're invited to dancing only.

I'm pretty sure my mom did that for the ppl in her office. She just posted the invite on the notice board.

amother

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 12:08 pm

trixx wrote:

Why can't you just invite them for simchas chosson vkallah and not the meal?
Ppl do that all the time here. Send an invite but without a rsvp card. It means you're invited to dancing only.

Once they are there already, I’m ok with them staying. I wouldn’t want them coming out just for the 3 minute mazel Tov.
It’s just the fact of meeting them and feeling so uncomfortable on both ends.

amother

Bronze

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 12:11 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Don't be uncomfortable. The ones who stick it out usually are thick skinned and can handle him.

small bean

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 12:16 pm

I think these are your insecurities. The workers dont have to come, especially if they wont be seeing the boss. If they dont wwnt to waste their night, they won't.

I happen to be close to my boss and always tell him I'm not coming and he gets it. Same for my simchos, I invite him and he doesnt come. I happen to know his wife but still dont have patience to go as they are the only ones I know there.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 12:20 pm

Hmmm, is your husband my previous boss? Just kidding, I don't think he is marrying off a child soon, but I could be wrong, I don't work there anymore.

Personally, had I been invited to his child's wedding, I probably wouldn't have gone. Or, I would have coordinated with the co-workers I was friends with to go together to say mazel tov and leave. Not out of spite or anything, just that I would've been pretty sure that he wouldn't care if I showed up or not. I think you're okay sending an invite for chuppah/dancing, ie without a return card.

In answer to OP's question, when my boss used to yell, I didn't think he was a mean person per say. I just thought he was bad at managing employees, delegating tasks, and managing his stress. Definitely more pity than anger or feeling bad about myself. But it was a toxic environment and I left.
I hope that wasn't hurtful! Was answering your question. Sounds like you are in a difficult position- hatzlacha!

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 12:22 pm

OP I can understand when my boss loses patience or has a lot going on and gets frustrated. It's the nature of being a business owner to have a lot of stress. Yelling on occasion I can and do handle. It's more the lack of respect, appreciation, acknowledgement of hard work that hurts. It's the feeling that if I get a paycheck there is no need to thank or appreciate when a worker goes the extra mile. Unfortunately I need the money so I stay but it hurts, every day.

amother

Smokey

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 1:11 pm

No advice but I left such an awful job.
But I was actually impressed that he was so nice to his wife and kids.
Unfortunately it's usually the opposite.
People are nice to everyone out there but not so nice to their own family.
Btw how are you so sure he's not nice to the workers?

Cheiny

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 1:32 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’m that person you probably talk about sometimes.
My dh is the boss at an office.
I don’t think he’s very well liked considering his not easy personality, his bluntness, and especially being the boss of a stressful office.
He’s actually nicer at home than at the office.

Here’s the issue, we will be marrying off our dc soon and as expected the staff will be invited.
As is, I don’t know who these people are, so I feel bad having them come, and I don’t feel comfortable seeing them. I’m really embarrassed of my dhs workers.
They are definitely not interested in coming but they “ must “ because it’s their boss.
How off is it if I somehow give them over the message that it’s ok not to come?
They won’t be able to tell dh mazel Tov at the wedding anyway.

Just send them a chuppah invitation with no response card so they’ll know they can come just to say mazel Tov,

FranticFrummie

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 2:43 pm

gamzehyaavor wrote:

This will only “prove” to them that boss doesn’t like them... “see, he couldn’t even bother to invite us to his simcha bla bla bla”

Is this a "frum thing"? I've worked in a lot of offices, all across America. Mixing work and family was just not done, ever. It was actively discouraged most of the time. The idea of feeling obligated to dress up and attend an event for your boss's family is just completely foreign to me.

If someone wanted to share a birthday or other event, they brought cake and cookies and left them in the break room with a sign or something. Donuts were always welcome.