Home

Are you less close to your married son vs married daughter?

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Interesting Discussions


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Feb 06 2020, 11:29 pm
Did you become less close to your married son after he got married? What about your married daughter? Why do married daughters for the most part stay close to their moms after marriage and sons become less close?
Back to top

amother




Blonde
 

Post  Thu, Feb 06 2020, 11:42 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Did you become less close to your married son after he got married? What about your married daughter? Why do married daughters for the most part stay close to their moms after marriage and sons become less close?

I don’t think that’s always the case. My husband and I are still very close to our parents. My siblings and siblings-in-law are the same.
Back to top

amother




Honeydew
 

Post  Thu, Feb 06 2020, 11:50 pm
I don't think it's a rule. When I got married dh was much closer with his Mom than I was with mine.
It's all about the relationship you build before and how you maintain it.
Unfortunately over the years my Mil destroyed her relationship with dh and he just has a cordial relationship with her now. Sad. But she did it to herself.
Back to top

amother




Beige
 

Post  Fri, Feb 07 2020, 12:04 am
DH is much closer to his mother than I am to mine.
Back to top

groisamomma




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Feb 07 2020, 12:27 am
It's one of my hidden fears, that I'm not going to share DS nicely 😥. I should probably do what my MIL did, which was treat her DILs like her DDs. This way my in laws are able to remain close with their boys too.
Back to top

amother




Brown
 

Post  Fri, Feb 07 2020, 12:33 am
I am not that close with my mom. DH is quite close with his. I am closer to my MIL than to my mom because MIL treats me better than my mom does.
Back to top

mig100




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Feb 07 2020, 12:41 am
Is this a spin off of the pregnancy thread?
Back to top

dankbar




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Feb 07 2020, 1:01 am
This happens when dgtrs live next to mom, sit by mom, eat supper by mom, confide & consult with mom, every step of way, kimpet by mom, shabbos/yomtov meals by mom, mom supports sil in kollel.

Men generally like to be independent & are ok with starting on their own. They usually live in kallah's hometown.

Even before wedding relationship is different. Bochurim go away to dorm in yeshiva at young age. Even while living home, they are in yeshiva most of the time.

Some moms become besties with their teen dgtrs, shmoozing till midnight, shopping together,( if tastes/hashkafas/ about dress doesnt clash & they don't fight) cooking/cleaning together.

This is by chassidish idk by others
Back to top

amother




Oak
 

Post  Fri, Feb 07 2020, 1:57 am
amother [ Brown ] wrote:
I am not that close with my mom. DH is quite close with his. I am closer to my MIL than to my mom because MIL treats me better than my mom does.

Same.
We live OOT now, but if we ever moved back we would move near his parents.
Back to top

amother




Seagreen
 

Post  Fri, Feb 07 2020, 2:45 am
I’m close to my sons & I love DIL’s. Treat them like daughters.
But I can definitely say the relationship is different.
Whereas before marriage sons would confide in me once married they usually do not. They have a wife for that.
That is how it should be.
Women have more emotional needs so they unload to husband, mom etc.
It hurts sometimes I won’t lie but that’s what we as parents daaven for from the minute they’re born.
A man leaves his mother & clings to his wife...
Back to top

amother




Smokey
 

Post  Fri, Feb 07 2020, 7:39 am
amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:
I’m close to my sons & I love DIL’s. Treat them like daughters.
But I can definitely say the relationship is different.
Whereas before marriage sons would confide in me once married they usually do not. They have a wife for that.
That is how it should be.
Women have more emotional needs so they unload to husband, mom etc.
It hurts sometimes I won’t lie but that’s what we as parents daaven for from the minute they’re born.
A man leaves his mother & clings to his wife...


You sound like a great MIL!

My MIL and I had a great relationship at first, ill give myself credit for looking away when she was judgmental and ignored comments. But these days I run a mile from her. Shes so needy, feels like she has to chat to her sons couple times a week, leaves voicemails very often. And she does it to her DIL too. The problem is she gets insulted if they dont answer which is ridiculous.

Its interesting that she has more of a cordial relationship with her daughters and seeks emotional connection with her sons. I used to not care if DH went over himself often to visit (I went plenty too) but now it bothers me as I feel like she uses up his emotional energy and can often whine to him. Hey, she has her own husband to do that to!
Back to top

amother




Periwinkle
 

Post  Fri, Feb 07 2020, 9:06 am
I’m reading this as I nurse my baby boy Confused
Back to top

amother




Crimson
 

Post  Fri, Feb 07 2020, 9:15 am
My MIL has only one girl and she's still young unmarried. Her boys were always close to her. They're 4 married boys and it's so cute to see how close they are with their mom.
My parent's have more girls than boys married but the boys are quite close to her. I think many boys end up being close to their mom.
Back to top

amother




Babyblue
 

Post  Fri, Feb 07 2020, 9:16 am
I think we gotta remember that it’s not about us.
Having children is all about giving and doing for them.
If we have that mindset we’re never disappointed.
If DS wants to call, good, if not, also good.
Of course it’s nice when they respect us and give us nachas but that is not the reason we have children.
So basically if he’s close to his wife and doesn’t need my mom advice it’s just wonderful when you take yourself out of the picture and continue to have his needs in the centre of your mind even once he became a mature adult.
And as a bonus, when a child notices that this is his mother’s view on life and on parenting it creates closeness and feelings of warmth towards her.
How many people are there in the world that selflessly care just about him and his feelings and successes with no type of payback motivating their actions??
Back to top

asmileaday




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Feb 07 2020, 9:18 am
amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:
I’m reading this as I nurse my baby boy Confused


Don't worry. I only have boys and I'm not concerned.
Build a loving relationship, a warm home and whatever happens happens.

I didn't birth my children so I can have best friends and confidants for life. I brought them into this world so I can raise them to be healthy independent young men and build a life for themselves.
Maybe I'm so ok with it because I b"h have an amazing dh who is my best friend and a true partner so I don't need my children to fill that need for me.

But I also see from life experience, if the Mom is non judgmental, warm and accepting her kids will more likely be close with her, irrelevant of gender.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Feb 09 2020, 4:11 am
You all sound like amazing moms
Back to top
Recent Topics

Page 1 of 1 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Interesting Discussions

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Pandora for married 30 yo?
by amother
4 Today at 7:01 pm View last post
Spinoff- struggling but still supporting married kids learn?
by amother
91 Yesterday at 12:48 pm View last post
Help my 20 yr old son is addicted to alcohol
by amother
8 Sun, Jul 05 2020, 4:07 pm View last post
White women pulls gun on black mother and daughter
by amother
8 Fri, Jul 03 2020, 10:06 am View last post
My son the pest
by amother
19 Thu, Jul 02 2020, 6:57 pm View last post

Jump to: