LWMO Wedding | Imamother

amother

Wed, May 20 2020, 11:12 am

imasinger wrote:

OK. Let's see if this is right.

1. Back before the virus, a nice wedding was planned, on Date #1, in July.

2. When the virus and shutdown hit, there was talk of doing a very small wedding on Date #2, which has now passed?

3. Kallah now is wanting to have the wedding on Date #3, which is just a few weeks earlier than Date #1.

The difference between Date #3 and Date #1 in terms of attendance is that your uncle (and other family) might be able to come.

You and DH think that your sister should just go with Date #1. Your mother wants Date #1. Your sister wants Date #3.

Almost. Date 2 has not passed, but there are other reasons they decided against it. DH actually is just sick of all the back and forth and thinks this unending date changing is insane. Personally I would be more comfortable with Date #1 with all that is going on. But that's completely irrelevant and I am not voicing that. My mother also thinks that logistically it may be a bit easier with Date #1, in addition to other guests coming.

imasinger wrote:

You know that your sister isn't by any means being a Bridezilla, but you still feel like she's being selfish in not agreeing to Date #1. Is she calling your mother and you selfish for not being supportive of Date #3?

Not exactly, but she does say that she completely doesn't understand the worldview. And it's not me, I didn't advocate one way or another. She just wanted me to try and help everyone understand each other.

imasinger wrote:

My 2 cents. Nobody is being selfish here. These aren't other circumstances, this is now. There are compelling reasons on both sides of this, and weddings are stressful enough without lockdowns being thrown into the mix. Your sister is totally within reason to say she doesn't want to wait longer, and your mother is within reason to want to wait if it means having family there. (But not her mother, please.)

So, if you happen to side with your mom, you can say so -- without drama or critique, and with respect that this is a very difficult time for all concerned, and you sympathize with everyone.

Then, bow out and don't let your mother or sister triangulate you in this.

At this point, I think you are right.

BetsyTacy wrote:

Just wondering, what about the groom and the groom's family? Would the groom and his family like the option of maybe including an extra family member (or in lieu of that a very close friend)?

This is a good question. I don't think he himself cares at this point, but I do wonder about his parents.

agreer wrote:

Your mom is not accepting reality. It seems neither are you.

There's unlikely to be a difference between the 2 dates at the rate this is going.

And guess what. The world DID change. It's fine that your sister changed her mind too.

On what basis would you say I'm not accepting reality? I completely understand the reality of the situation, which, actually, is the reason that I personally would feel more comfortable with the later date. Where we live,there IS a difference - as time goes by they are loosening things up. And as warmer weather comes, there is actually the strong likelihood that cases will be decreasing anyway (yes, I know they don't know this definitively, but there's a pretty strong consensus that it will die down and come back with a vengeance come fall/winter).

But regardless, wanting to have a few more people at the wedding has nothing to do with accepting reality.
Unless by "accepting reality" you mean "accepting that the bride is the boss and no other person's feelings should even be taken into consideration".

amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:

Realize that they are probably keeping halachos of taharas hamishpacha. By making them wait longer yo are making it harder for them.
Another side is that they are not keeping the laws and by pushing it off you are giving them more times to be together not according to halacha.
I do not see how your parents would even want them to push it off 3 more weeks.

By this logic, there should be no engagement period whatsoever. How could parents ever want a couple to push off the wedding by any time?
But to recap, "pushing off" in this case means going with the ORIGINAL DATE. That everyone was on board with.