|
|
|
|
|
Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
bigsis144
|
Tue, Mar 03 2020, 12:05 pm
Sebastian wrote: | moving near your parents is not an option right? You need HELP. Your kids are high maintenance it's NOT YOU |
Not at all, DH’s job is in the DC metro area and my parents live on the opposite coast of the USA.
| |
|
Back to top |
2
0
|
sequoia
|
Tue, Mar 03 2020, 12:06 pm
It’s not you 💜
I worry about you. You’re in a difficult position. Wish there were some way to help.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
3
|
mha3484
|
Tue, Mar 03 2020, 12:07 pm
The thread started as asking about the explosive child so I can answer from that perspective. Ross Greene says that when demands placed on a child exceed the childs ability to meet them you get an explosion. I find that this is 1000000% true. I totally fell into this trap. I would expect things from my kids that they were not capable of and it was a full on disaster. One kid gets aggressive and one I would find hiding in his room reading a book undressed half an hour before school starts. My oldest once faked showering while hiding in his room reading because I assumed he could do it independently and he could not.
Can you work with your personal therapist on what you can realistically expect from your children and what you can shelve for now. My kids feed off of me especially my younger one who struggles with anxiety. I think if you can figure out your expectations and what is reasonable and unreasonable you might feel a lot more at peace with your situation and you would feel less hopeless.
Last edited by mha3484 on Tue, Mar 03 2020, 12:11 pm; edited 1 time in total
| |
|
Back to top |
0
0
|
amother
Blush
|
Tue, Mar 03 2020, 12:09 pm
Do you have an option of some kind of after school program?
Sometimes the trick is to keep the kids in a daily organized program as much as possible until they mature. So they're coming home essentially for dinner, a shower, and a good night's sleep.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
2
|
amother
Magenta
|
Tue, Mar 03 2020, 12:15 pm
bigsis144 wrote: | Just had my half-hour phone consultation with a highly recommended practice.
After describing the home situation, giving anecdotes of their verbal and physical violence... I got the recommendation for 1:1 parent coaching.
I’m JUST SO TIRED. I audibly choked up on the phone and told her they need help and it can’t just be me giving it to them. I am crying actual tears now, I don’t know how much more I can add to my mental load, even though in theory a “system reboot” (as developed during the sessions) for the family with boundaries and consequences and parental authority would be nice...
Everybody seems to be stuck on the fact that they can keep it together in school. That those clear expectations and routines keep them in line.
I’m hard enough on myself for not being some ultra-organized mother... I’m just so tired |
Parenting coaching may not be everything, but it's a start. In the case of a difficult marriage, one spouse alone can effect significant change even without the involvement of the other spouse. Similarly, parents can effect significant change in their children even without the involvement of the children in the plan.
What is stopping you from pursuing a psychiatric consult?
| |
|
Back to top |
0
3
|
amother
Blush
|
Tue, Mar 03 2020, 12:15 pm
And can you enroll your oldest in overnight camp for the summer? To get some space to deal with the younger one and have some breathing time for yourself.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
2
|
saw50st8
|
Tue, Mar 03 2020, 1:25 pm
bigsis144 wrote: | Just had my half-hour phone consultation with a highly recommended practice.
After describing the home situation, giving anecdotes of their verbal and physical violence... I got the recommendation for 1:1 parent coaching.
I’m JUST SO TIRED. I audibly choked up on the phone and told her they need help and it can’t just be me giving it to them. I am crying actual tears now, I don’t know how much more I can add to my mental load, even though in theory a “system reboot” (as developed during the sessions) for the family with boundaries and consequences and parental authority would be nice...
Everybody seems to be stuck on the fact that they can keep it together in school. That those clear expectations and routines keep them in line.
I’m hard enough on myself for not being some ultra-organized mother... I’m just so tired |
Many kids keep it together in school but can't at home. It's very normal. Home is safe.
Are you on facebook? There is a very good group based on Ross Greene's philosophy called "The B Team" - people really dig deep to find solutions and they post conversations so that you can see where it really comes in to play.
Try to figure out what you can ignore. Honestly, let chutzpah go. Let as many expectations go as you can. Try to figure out what is causing the explosions. Work in tiny increments.
I liked to start with small problems that I could really let go of to start with. Something where if you don't actually solve the problem it doesn't matter too much. Here is one of the first things I tackled with my son:
At night, he would be reading and I would tell him that it was bedtime. He would say "OK one minute" and then never actually stopped. I was getting frustrated because I knew he needed sleep and ignoring me was kind of annoying too. Here's how our conversation (basically) went:
Me: I noticed that you had trouble going up to bed last night. What's going on?
DS: I was trying to finish the chapter but then I just kept reading. I forgot to stop.
Me: Why did you want to get to the end of the chapter?
DS: I find it hard to remember where I stopped and I don't like to reread pages the next time.
Me: I'm concerned that you need to stop for bedtime because you need enough sleep and it is annoying to have to keep reminding you. Can you think of any solutions?
DS: Can I finish the page when you tell me and then I will always know where I am up to?
Me: Will it bother you to stop mid paragraph? That would definitely bother me.
DS: Nope.
We tried it. It worked beautifully.
This was obviously a relatively easy one to solve. Try those kind of things so that you can practice and have lots of little wins. It is easier to deal with the big stuff when you aren't always dealing with the little stuff too.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
7
|
bigsis144
|
Wed, Apr 01 2020, 12:08 pm
Not necessarily kid related, but I figure this I my most “recognizable” thread...
I’m actually dropping my husband off at the hospital now. He’s been sick at home with covid19 for the past week but after a few scary times he couldn’t catch his breath his pulmonologist (DH is asthmatic) said he should go to the hospital.
Daven for Nachum Moshe ben Devorah.
The floor of my expectations just keeps going lower and lower, I’m in terminator “just keep going” mode right now. I’ll get emotional eventually, I suppose, but I’m in survival mode now.
Wishing you and yours health and strength and a chag kasher v’sameach
| |
|
Back to top |
13
0
|
Related Topics |
Replies |
Last Post |
|
|
If you're expecting to get comments about your parenting
|
0 |
Sun, Apr 21 2024, 1:38 pm |
|
|
S/o Parenting with limited finances
|
36 |
Thu, Apr 18 2024, 3:27 pm |
|
|
NEW Update: Yochanan Meir ben Shira Yisraela
|
245 |
Wed, Apr 17 2024, 1:30 pm |
|
|
Parenting the sensitive child
|
2 |
Tue, Apr 09 2024, 7:48 pm |
|
|
Any update on our cherished Gadol Rav Yaakov Hillel, Mekubal
|
2 |
Sun, Mar 31 2024, 10:45 pm |
|
|
Imamother may earn commission when you use our links to make a purchase.
© 2024 Imamother.com - All rights reserved
| |
|
|
|
|
|