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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Feb 11 2020, 7:38 pm
Im wondering if my thought process is somewhat messed up.
I work at a job where I get zero feedback. As in nothing good and almost always nothing bad but I will hear more of the things I messed up or forgot than anything positive. I never ever heard anything positive. I've been at my job for 5 plus years.
Which is not okay for me but I live with it.

My question is in being dan leaf zchus I was trying to see in what way I am similar to my employer and it hit me that I am in therapy now and never once complimented or gave positive feedback to my therapist. I feel like I pay her an hourly fee and that should be enough.but now I'm realizing I'm no better than my employer who in my eyes is doing something not acceptable by not giving feedback.

Is there a difference between feedback at work and feedback for a service rendered?

Please someone help me with this!
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trixx




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Feb 11 2020, 7:40 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Im wondering if my thought process is somewhat messed up.
I work at a job where I get zero feedback. As in nothing good and almost always nothing bad but I will hear more of the things I messed up or forgot than anything positive. I never ever heard anything positive. I've been at my job for 5 plus years.
Which is not okay for me but I live with it.

My question is in being dan leaf zchus I was trying to see in what way I am similar to my employer and it hit me that I am in therapy now and never once complimented or gave positive feedback to my therapist. I feel like I pay her an hourly fee and that should be enough.but now I'm realizing I'm no better than my employer who in my eyes is doing something not acceptable by not giving feedback.

Is there a difference between feedback at work and feedback for a service rendered?

Please someone help me with this!


I don't understand this premise.

Also no, not the same, do you compliment your doctor?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Feb 11 2020, 7:44 pm
Right that's my question. How am I different than my employer if I don't compliment/ appreciate my therapist, doctor, accountant lawyer. They charge for a service. I charge my boss for my service, (by getting my salary). Is that normal? Could it be my boss just feels salary is my thanks.

I have asked for feedback and the response is everything is fine.
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amother




Babypink
 

Post  Tue, Feb 11 2020, 7:49 pm
I do give my therapist positive feedback. Why wouldn't I?
At work, nobody gives me any kind of feedback either and it's distressing.
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amother




Indigo
 

Post  Tue, Feb 11 2020, 7:52 pm
Every year I request a progress report from my boss. He typically shares his happy he is with what I do and what additional work I can maybe do. We also discuss a raise at that time.
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Librarian




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Feb 11 2020, 7:53 pm
I am an employer. While it may be good business practice to encourage and compliment an employee, it is not the boss's responsibility to make you feel good. My advice to you would be to try to focus on how lucky you are to be employed and earning a salary. I know several people who would love to be in your position.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Feb 11 2020, 7:54 pm
You can always be the one to initiate a meeting to discuss progress. This can be done on an annual basis.
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amother




Babypink
 

Post  Tue, Feb 11 2020, 7:56 pm
Librarian wrote:
I am an employer. While it may be good business practice to encourage and compliment an employee, it is not the boss's responsibility to make you feel good. My advice to you would be to try to focus on how lucky you are to be employed and earning a salary. I know several people who would love to be in your position.

Thank G-d I don't work for you! How hard is it to give a compliment?
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Librarian




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Feb 11 2020, 8:02 pm
Rest assured, I give plenty of compliments. I am a very nice person and as I wrote, it is in my best interest too. But an employee is not a child or a friend. You have a job and you get paid. That is the bottom line. I think the expectations here need to be addressed.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Feb 11 2020, 9:07 pm
I can understand that it is not an employer's job to babysit me. My expectation is not to get "great job" every time I do something but my question would be a spinoff on this - is that the norm in businesses? Is it the norm to never hear any feedback (I'm talking positive or negative)? I've learned over the years to stop going the extra mile because of the lack of feedback - whether I do extra or not never seemed to make a difference. But I am sincerely curious to hear how other businesses operate as far as how often feedback is given?
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Feb 11 2020, 9:24 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I can understand that it is not an employer's job to babysit me. My expectation is not to get "great job" every time I do something but my question would be a spinoff on this - is that the norm in businesses? Is it the norm to never hear any feedback (I'm talking positive or negative)? I've learned over the years to stop going the extra mile because of the lack of feedback - whether I do extra or not never seemed to make a difference. But I am sincerely curious to hear how other businesses operate as far as how often feedback is given?

I’ve worked at 8 different businesses and was always given positive feedback. It boosts the morale of the employees when they know and are reminded that their hard work is appreciated . It actually increases productivity IMHO.
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Librarian




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Feb 11 2020, 9:28 pm
It would behoove a smart employer to give feedback to an employee. To foster good will. To encourage a positive work ethic. But again, that being said, as long as the work environment is at worst neutral, I truly think it would be in your best interest to focus on the bottom line which is work and get paid. As a Gen-Xer who grew up during the recession of the 70's and came of age during an excruciating era of high unemployment with terribly low opportunities for new graduates, I have seen first hand the devastation of underemployment. I will tell you what I tell my own children - be grateful that you have a job.
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amother




Pumpkin
 

Post  Tue, Feb 11 2020, 9:29 pm
In answer to what is normal, good employers/bosses/supervisors who want the best results give feedback. There are plenty of bosses out there who are not skilled in managing employees who don't give feedback.
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notshanarishona




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Feb 12 2020, 7:18 am
You are not employing your therapist . She is giving you a service for a fee . It's a very different relationship.
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invisiblecircus




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Feb 12 2020, 7:42 am
Librarian wrote:
I am an employer. While it may be good business practice to encourage and compliment an employee, it is not the boss's responsibility to make you feel good. My advice to you would be to try to focus on how lucky you are to be employed and earning a salary. I know several people who would love to be in your position.


It's not about making people feel good, it's about getting the best from your enployees.

As an employee, I always wanted to do the best I could in my job and knowing which areas my boss was particularly happy with and which she felt needed improvement helped me to be a more useful employee.

Having said that, making employees feel good goes a long way to fostering good will and can only work in your favour if/ when you need to call on them to go the extra mile for something. Also, if you're happy with the employee it pays you to express this. This way, they get more job satisfaction and are less likely to want to leave, leaving you with the problem of recruiting and training up a new person.
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amother




Amber
 

Post  Wed, Feb 12 2020, 8:35 am
Librarian wrote:
It would behoove a smart employer to give feedback to an employee. To foster good will. To encourage a positive work ethic. But again, that being said, as long as the work environment is at worst neutral, I truly think it would be in your best interest to focus on the bottom line which is work and get paid. As a Gen-Xer who grew up during the recession of the 70's and came of age during an excruciating era of high unemployment with terribly low opportunities for new graduates, I have seen first hand the devastation of underemployment. I will tell you what I tell my own children - be grateful that you have a job.


I could tell that you are an old timer.

Millenials aren't grateful to just have a job. And employers do have to make employees feel good. (If they want employees)
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ora_43




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Feb 12 2020, 8:52 am
It's not quite the same, because you aren't your therapist's manager. You can tell her whether or not she's helping you, but you aren't in charge of giving her feedback about the quality of her work, and you don't decide whether she stays employed in general, whether she gets a promotion, etc.

That said - I think it would make sense to use this in order to see your relationship with your employer in a new light. It sounds like you like your therapist, and it just didn't occur to you that she'd need or want compliments. Realize that your boss might very well be the same - she could value your work, and it just never occurred to her that she should be saying "great work, thanks" in addition to giving a paycheck.

IOW your boss isn't being a very good manager, but don't assume that she isn't a good or friendly person.

BTW about the situation at work, you might want to read up on what's called "managing up." It's really not uncommon for managers to be less than great at managing; doesn't mean you have to be stuck with zero feedback. You can be proactive in asking your employer for feedback.
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amother




Taupe
 

Post  Wed, Feb 12 2020, 9:23 am
Librarian wrote:
It would behoove a smart employer to give feedback to an employee. To foster good will. To encourage a positive work ethic. But again, that being said, as long as the work environment is at worst neutral, I truly think it would be in your best interest to focus on the bottom line which is work and get paid. As a Gen-Xer who grew up during the recession of the 70's and came of age during an excruciating era of high unemployment with terribly low opportunities for new graduates, I have seen first hand the devastation of underemployment. I will tell you what I tell my own children - be grateful that you have a job.


The fact is that it’s the employee market right now and there are more jobs then people seeing employment. Employees are therefore willing to seek employment elsewhere if they are not happy. Btw, throw “be grateful you have a job” attitude is not helpful and can be dangerous. I worked under an abusive manager for far too long because I felt I should be grateful I was getting paid well. As Jews we believe that that you need to do hishtadlus to earn a livelihood but that does not mean we need to put up with narcissim. We have emunah that hashem will help us find a new job .
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amother




Slategray
 

Post  Wed, Feb 12 2020, 9:40 am
Both my husband and I work in professional environments and the standard is for each employee to have an "annual review" with their supervisor. At that meeting, accomplishments from the past year are reviewed, positive feedback is given, as well as any negative feedback and points to work on. The employer and employee discuss goals for the next 12 months and some employers provide a written summary of the discussion, which the employee signs to acknowledge receipt.
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forgetit




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Feb 12 2020, 9:54 am
I'm with Librarian.
Its best business practice, but not something to expect.
It could also be that some employers are more reticent, or express things in a more subtle way which you may not pick up on. What they see as a compliment, you may see as neutral ground.
Like, I can see one person thinking that 'The client is so happy' being a huge compliment for an employee, while the employee sees it as a stand-alone fact, unrelated to his/her own performance.
And to the poster who said millennials have more expectations, yes they do. They are more entitled and they move from job to job in the blink of an eye. But you know what? Alot of them are complaining that they are unhappy, underpaid and overworked, aren't advancing as well as they could, or are too often busy looking for a job instead of furthering their skills in a focused way.
Either way, OP, if this is important to you, you totally CAN say something like: I enjoy getting feedback. It helps me see what I'm doing right, and it gives me motivation to strive for more.
I think that's a totally ok way to ask for what you're looking for.
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