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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Feb 13 2020, 10:01 pm
I am expecting, and therefore thinking about baby names. Both my grandmothers passed away this year and both have names that are not popular nowadays. I would really like to make each of my parents happy by naming after their mothers. (Nobody has named for either grandmother yet.)
But 1. Do I have to name for both together?
2. I can't have my child (eventually) feel bad bec of the unpopular 'old European ' name.
3. Adding a second (third??) name? So I am naming for 1 or possibly 2 grandmothers, but calling her by an entirely diff name??

I was much closer with one of the grandmothers (than the other one,) and would be honored to name my child after her. (She was the happiest, selfless person I know.) I feel really bad not giving her name, but so far, my husband won't hear of it. (Bec he doesn't want her teased as she gets older).

There is still lots of time to think this through, and it might even be a boy 😋 so I am trying to stay calm about it. I do know that I will be very emotional about it eventually though, and I wish I could figure out a solution.

And for those posters who have grandchildren:
When your child named for your parent, but added a name, (and called them by their added name) or gave a name with the same meaning- did you feel a nechama that the name was given? Or was it just not enough?

To be clear, no parent (so far) is putting any pressure. I am a people pleaser though.

Thanks for your time reading this and to those that take time to reply.
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amother




Sienna
 

Post  Thu, Feb 13 2020, 10:07 pm
My sil had a boy this year after years of fertility treatments. Since she got married both grandfathers passed, both with unique names. She named for the one she was closer with and calls a nickname. Iyh there will be more Smile
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amother




Teal
 

Post  Thu, Feb 13 2020, 10:37 pm
My oldest is the first grandchild named after my husband's grandfather. It's not a common name. I agreed on condition we call him by a nickname. My father-in-law was the only one who calls him by his real name until recently.
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out-of-towner




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Feb 13 2020, 10:55 pm
Do what you feel comfortable with. I know that my parents, when naming their own children, gave the exact name or close to it as possible. I didn't love the name of the person I was naming for but I loved the person. I chose to add a name that was meaningful to me as a first name (and I happen to call the child by both names). My parent was so touched that I named my child after their grandparent, and if they wouldn't have been happy too bad on them! Another child I named after two different relatives, and although I doubt that our parents would have used that specific combination or the obscure Yiddish name that we used for one relative (as a middle name), they were happy nonetheless.
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trixx




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Feb 13 2020, 10:56 pm
Don't discount that meeting baby can make the decision for you
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amother




Firebrick
 

Post  Thu, Feb 13 2020, 11:05 pm
I'm named after a relative who was a very nice, kind woman. I totally dislike my name. Lucky for me my parents called me by my english name. When I got older some hebrew teachers insisted on calling me by my "hebrew" (it's really yiddish) name. I was mortified. As I've gotten older I've come to terms with it but I still would never go by that name.
Soo..... I think you know what my vote is for.

(btw my children each have two names- the first is one that I chose because I just liked it and their middle names are after relatives. I hope my parents are OK with that. To me it means a lot- both relatives were very special people and it means a lot to me that my children are named after them).
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amother




Pink
 

Post  Thu, Feb 13 2020, 11:06 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I am expecting, and therefore thinking about baby names. Both my grandmothers passed away this year and both have names that are not popular nowadays. I would really like to make each of my parents happy by naming after their mothers. (Nobody has named for either grandmother yet.)
But 1. Do I have to name for both together?
2. I can't have my child (eventually) feel bad bec of the unpopular 'old European ' name.
3. Adding a second (third??) name? So I am naming for 1 or possibly 2 grandmothers, but calling her by an entirely diff name??

I was much closer with one of the grandmothers (than the other one,) and would be honored to name my child after her. (She was the happiest, selfless person I know.) I feel really bad not giving her name, but so far, my husband won't hear of it. (Bec he doesn't want her teased as she gets older).

There is still lots of time to think this through, and it might even be a boy 😋 so I am trying to stay calm about it. I do know that I will be very emotional about it eventually though, and I wish I could figure out a solution.

And for those posters who have grandchildren:
When your child named for your parent, but added a name, (and called them by their added name) or gave a name with the same meaning- did you feel a nechama that the name was given? Or was it just not enough?

To be clear, no parent (so far) is putting any pressure. I am a people pleaser though.

Thanks for your time reading this and to those that take time to reply.


OP I highly recommend you listen to this shiur by Rabbi weinberger in choosing a name for baby. All your questions will be answered. (Its actually 3 shiurim). Bshaa tova!

http://www.ravweinberger.com/s......html
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amother




Pink
 

Post  Thu, Feb 13 2020, 11:17 pm
Many People hold that you don't name one baby after two separate people. If you have no choice , you can do it if the names "go together".
For example דוד and שאול would not be a good combination, because they were in conflict with each other.
דוד יהונתן is a good combination.
Its recommended that if you combine two names that you ask a Rav or someone knowledgeable on the subject of name combinations.
Someone I know asked about naming her baby after two relatives and she was told if they got along well it's ok.
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amother




Goldenrod
 

Post  Thu, Feb 13 2020, 11:39 pm
I really think you should name after the one you are closer to.

You may have another girl later on, and you can name it after your other grandmother.

I have a not-so-common Yiddish name after my great-grandmother. My mom didn't particularly love her, but she did love her mom, my grandma, so she honored her by naming me after grandma's mom. And my grandmother was in 7th heaven. It was absolutely worth it.

I don't hate my name, but I don't love it and was never teased for it. I don't think that just because a name is uncommon means that the child will be teased. However, I do think that when you choose the name, you need to do so with confidence.

I would NOT do two unusual names together - that's just mean.
I would NOT add a 3rd name - that's not confident.

I wouldn't name the Hebrew equivalent - from my experience, it's not meaningful to the parent. You may as well choose a totally different name. My cousin named her daughter the Hebrew equivalent after my paternal grandmother, and my dad was not impressed. He said, "But that wasn't my mom's name." It's not on the kever, it's wasn't part of his name when he was sick and people were davening for him, it wasn't a name he ever heard in his house. It didn't do anything for him. I do wonder if other grandmas on this site will feel differently.

If I were you (and I actually am in your situation B"H! Expecting but I know it's a girl :-) ), I would choose the grandmother I felt closer to and either do a nickname or add a second name to that (that isn't unusual).

Good luck! All the best! Would love to know what happens b'shaa tova.
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amother




Magenta
 

Post  Fri, Feb 14 2020, 12:27 am
What about doing the Hebrew meaning of the Yiddish name? Basha can be Batya, Hinda can be Ayala...
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DrMom




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Feb 14 2020, 1:18 am
Can any decent nicknames be made out of the name of the grandmother to whom you were closest?
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amother




Maroon
 

Post  Fri, Feb 14 2020, 2:16 am
In my family there was such a situation. The grandmother of the baby who was named the old world teasing name plus an added name to be called by was comforted by it and happy. The other grandchildren who were named " after " had taken random Hebrew approximations she was not comforted by. Said it wasn't her mothers name at all.

Its nicer to name one at a time and would totally go with the one you are closer to first. Eventually both will have their names.
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amother




Ivory
 

Post  Fri, Feb 14 2020, 2:32 am
My great-grandmother had a Yiddish that is not popular at all nowadays. I comforted myself with the thought that as the generation passes, more and more babies will be named after their grandmothers and the name will become more common.

I didn't particularly like the name when we gave it.

Today I love the name. But it took me a while to get used to it.

(Actually it's like that with all my kids. I knew who I wanted to name after but wasn't in love with the name.)
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teachkids




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Feb 14 2020, 6:45 am
I didn’t read all the replies, but is the Hebrew version of a Yiddish name an option?
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amother




Scarlet
 

Post  Fri, Feb 14 2020, 7:22 am
Speak to your parents if they are healthy/level headed. I didn’t by my first and learned the hard way...
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thriver




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Feb 14 2020, 8:44 am
amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:
Speak to your parents if they are healthy/level headed. I didn’t by my first and learned the hard way...


This.

After my mother’s father passed away, we all had girls for a few years following. By the time I had the first grandson, my father’s father had also passed away. I was torn about what to do and even wished that I had had twin boys! I ended up naming for the grandfather who passed away within that year because there is an inyan to do so.

I called my grandmother (who’s husband I was not naming for) before the Bris and expressed to her how much I wished I could’ve also named for that grandfather. (We are in the camp that does not believe naming for two different people—takes away from both...). She was so loving in her response. I told her IyH my baby will emulate both grandfathers.

I imagine if you let them know beforehand (and explain your reasoning) there will hopefully be more acceptance and less disappointment.

This is not something you need to be stressing about at this happy time in your life. Be confident in your decision IyH when the time comes, and it’s honestly yours and your husband’s choice. Hopefully your family will be big enough to respect that. If not, it is no longer your issue.

(Also, regarding names that are not typical, Rav Shmuel Kaminetsky is a big believer not to give those names. It may be a good idea to reach out to him and have him back you up.)

B’shaah Tova!
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Rosie89




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Feb 14 2020, 9:06 am
In my family, we name the actual name of the person who passed; we hold that adding a name or combining a name would change it completely and doesn’t “count”. However, that’s just the name given by the bris/in shul and the name used when davening for the person; we often call the person by nicknames or the Hebrew equivalent of the name so there’s no issue of being teased for a name that’s not as common. For example, Faiga is called Tziporah, Kraindel is called Atara, and Fraidel is called Aliza. But they all know their “real” name.
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amother




Maroon
 

Post  Fri, Feb 14 2020, 9:36 am
Rosie89 wrote:
In my family, we name the actual name of the person who passed; we hold that adding a name or combining a name would change it completely and doesn’t “count”. However, that’s just the name given by the bris/in shul and the name used when davening for the person; we often call the person by nicknames or the Hebrew equivalent of the name so there’s no issue of being teased for a name that’s not as common. For example, Faiga is called Tziporah, Kraindel is called Atara, and Fraidel is called Aliza. But they all know their “real” name.


Very interesting, thanks for sharing! The source of all these yiddish names was exactly like that in reverse Laugh it's like going back to the roots.
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amother




White
 

Post  Fri, Feb 14 2020, 9:43 am
If you’re comfortable using the name, add another more common name. I personally hated the Yiddish name of the grandparent who had recently passed away. I could not bring myself to name my sweet baby a name that would definitely be teased, even as a second name. Yes, the family was upset with me at first, but they got over it.
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BetsyTacy




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Feb 14 2020, 10:15 am
I find it interesting about the comment of the grandparents who feel that a Hebrew equivalent doesn't "count". I think you might as well ask--you might be pleasantly surprised. If not, then either name the name you don't love but feel it's a sacrifice you are willing to make, or name whatever you feel and move on. It can be a name that you feel honors the grandparent,even if your parent doesn't feel it (whether the hebrew name or a character trait).
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