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7 yr old acting out

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 6:00 am
I feel so bad for her. (And for me) she was always a negative attention seeker. As she gets bigger so do the behaviors. It’s always unpleasant but especially out of control when there r guests over. Yesterday she lifted the table pad mid meal and spilled the drinks. Then she chased after her older brother with a knife. Called a guest fat...
Even when she’s not acting out she acts so awkward around other people. She’ll make weird faces and body motions or strange noises or say silly things to get ppls attention. Instead of asking someone to pass the water she made funny faces n barking noises while lunging at the pitcher.
she’s also defiant. So when her brother told her she shouldn’t stand on a table cuz it’s heilig she climbed on top n started dancing and saying. see hashems not punishing me.
She’s also bullyish with her siblings. Will randomly say insulting things to them or belittle thier achievements.
She’s also a really smart (top of her class) cute and fun kid who gets lots of attention at home, accolade in school, and has friends.
My interpretation is that there’s something bothering her beneath the surface. But she has t opened up to me. I took her to a psychologist who ruled out any diagnoses and wanted to work on eliminating the behaviors mostly through charts n rewards. After several months of no change I stopped taking her.
I’m just not sure how I can help her
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oneofakind




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Feb 16 2020, 7:08 am
Go to a social worker who can help you with parenting and with working on her emotionally. She knows what she's doing is wrong and she's not stopping for prizes so she's gaining something from it. The sw will teach you to give her what she needs so she won't need to do this anymore.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Feb 17 2020, 7:01 pm
Tx oneofakind. Does anyone else have any insight or advice? Pls
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amother




Slategray
 

Post  Mon, Feb 17 2020, 10:32 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Tx oneofakind. Does anyone else have any insight or advice? Pls


In many cases, these types of behaviors are related to something going on in the body... fixing the way the brain is working starts with healing the body. Since we are so overloaded with toxins in today’s world, it takes a huge toll- there’s so much work for the body to do to filter out the bad, and it can’t get to it all - it overloads the body (and then this takes a toll on the brain- not enough resources going to the brain).

Plus, in addition to the toxins our kids are taking in (from poor quality food, harmful cleaning products, artificial chemicals that were introduced heavily into our foods these past few decades,etc), they’re ALSO not taking in enough nutrients to nourish their bodies and provide the body with the tools it needs to work well.

Best way to start would be removing the damaging ingredients (preservatives, HFCS, artificial colors, artificial flavors, GMOs, refined oils like vegetable & canola oils, etc.) and adding in quality foods, and some supplements to help support the body to start out.

Many people start to notice a difference in their kids very quickly when making changes like this. And as the body has more time to heal, the changes become even more pronounced.
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amother




Yellow
 

Post  Mon, Feb 17 2020, 10:40 pm
Op Is she being bullied in school? How is her behavior in school, in general? She needs to learn skills of how to regulate her emotions properly. She also sounds very impulsive, therefore charts may not work with her.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Feb 18 2020, 7:01 am
Wow OP, that sounds to rough! Definitely more than just negative attention seeking, but I'm sure that's a big part of it.

You say that she's always had a negative attitude as baseline personality. Has she had strep recently, or a cold? Have you had her screened for ADHD? Is her diet mostly starch and sugar, and she won't eat anything else? Is she the middle child?

It could be any combination, or all of the above, so you'll have to examine every angle. Right now, what you are describing is screaming PANDAS to me, possibly aggravating underlying ADHD.

If you can catch her at a calm moment, does she make eye contact? Try asking her gently if something is bothering her. "You seem upset about something. Can you tell me what's bugging you? What would you like to happen to make things better for you?" Let her know that you "see" her and "hear" her, that she is noticed, and that you want to engage with her on a positive outcome. Kids often act out if they feel like they are "invisible" in the family, and that they only get attention when they are bad.

In the meantime, feed the behavior you want, and starve the behavior you don't want. Of course, you are going to have to intervene if there is any physical danger involved, either to herself or to others.
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amother




Yellow
 

Post  Tue, Feb 18 2020, 9:00 am
FranticFrumie that was a very well thought out response as usual. You mentioned eye contact. What is that indicative of? I have a child who exhibits similar behavior to what op is describing and her eye contact is poor. She also has underlying anger and can be vocally hurtful to her sibs when she is upset about something.
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Feb 18 2020, 9:15 am
I really really suggest reading the book the explosive child. It is the best method for parenting challenging children. You can go to www.livesinthebalance.org and read a lot about the method before you buy the book.

I have two very challenging children and I feel like this book is why I have a relationship with my oldest. With my second I already had a sense of how to manage him but my oldest was one long power struggle.
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