Do your 6/7 yr old sons dress themselves every morning?

amother

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 11:34 am

Ds age 6 refuses to dress himself and will stay in pjs until either me or the cleaning lady or his sister get him dressed. I know that he is capable since he dresses himself on Shabbos. On occasion before a family outing, I simply announce that I’ll be leaving in x amount of minutes and whoever is dressed can come. Whoever isn’t stays home with the cleaning lady.

How can I encourage and ensure he dresses himself in a timely manner to make his school bus and eat breakfast? I wake him early so he has the time, just enjoys hanging out in pjs.

amother

White

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 11:38 am

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

Is the cleaning lady there on shabbos? There lies some of your answer.

From where do you take that the cleaning lady goes on shabbos?
Read the post again.

Yes, my 6/7 year olds are getting dressed themselves.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 11:52 am

If I may ask, why is your *cleaning lady* dressing (or babysitting) your 6 yo? Do you mean nanny?

First of all, a 6 yo should definitely be dressing himself. I have a 5 yo dd, and at the parents' evening at the beginning of the year, her teacher said that by 5 years old a child should absolutely dress herself. She said you're not doing your child any favors by continuing to dress her past that age. (That being said, my dd does sometimes whine for me to dress her, and sometimes I give in.)

Secondly, a cleaning lady's job is to clean. If I was a cleaner, I wouldn't want to be a babysitter or dresser.

Sounds like you have a boundaries issue.

mha3484

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 11:56 am

I think you need to talk to him. Behavior is communication. Is he overwhelmed with choosing clothes? Does he not want to go to school and this is his way of telling you? Is it a fine or gross motor issue?

I have one kid whose love language is acts of service so he really likes when I give him his clothes in the morning. Hes old enough to pick out his own but it makes him feel cared about and the morning goes a lot faster if I just give him a pile of clothing. I would never have figured that out if I didnt sit down and ask him why he was having such a hard time.

amother

White

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 12:01 pm

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

Your cleaning ladies job is to clean. My cleaning lady does babysitting and helps me with the kids as well.
Everyone's cleaning lady does different tasks.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 12:10 pm

amother [ White ] wrote:

My cleaning lady does babysitting and helps me with the kids as well.
Everyone's cleaning lady does different tasks.

Then she's not a cleaning lady. She's a maid/housekeeper/nanny/whatever.

A *cleaning* lady *cleans*. To me it seems like a lack of boundaries to have your cleaning lady dressing your kids or babysitting them.

I actually just let my cleaning lady go this week because I felt she was getting too comfortable with my kids. The day she yelled at my dd for running outside without a coat was the day I knew she had to go.

Maybe it's a culture thing and in some places cleaning ladies are supposed to help out in other ways. In my dictionary, a *cleaning* lady *cleans*.

amother

White

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 12:38 pm

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

If the cleaning lady agrees to so this, it's not lack of boundaries.

amother

Puce

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 12:53 pm

my kid was a smart 5 year old and would miss the bus every morning because he didn't get himself dressed. I started dressing him in his sleep, socks on first than demanded he put on shirt and shoes when he got up.I give him a mini chocolate bar and words so proud love mom when he did. If he missed his but he stayed home for half the day and no adults in the house gave him attention. luckyhe started getting annoyed at me waking him up like that and missing bus. plus he liked his chocolate and slowly he started getting the hang of his new routine. I did always help him close his top button and his shirt with the small buttons but eventually he did it all!(is this a new problem or your now concerned at 6.5)

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 1:11 pm

Is this recent? Or did it just never develop? I don't have a kid that age yet, I can tell you what's worked for my younger kids though.. am I naive for thinking that it can't be too different?
My 3 yo does this. It turned into a major power struggle, so now I hand him his clothes, and he get dressed when he feels like it. If he isn't ready to get dressed when it's time to go out he goes in his pjs. (His playgroup morah thinks it's adorable... Hopefully when he goes to preschool next year, he will catch on that the other kids come to school in clothes, and will want to get dressed before he leaves...)
When my 5 yr old was three, I instituted a routine, that getting dressed is before breakfast. So once he was dressed I'd feed him. I haven't had trouble since...

Good luck! It would be great if you could post what needed up working for you in the end. Always good for the next person in the situation - it can't be uncommon!

FranticFrummie

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 1:12 pm

Lay out all the clothes the night before, so there is no fussing around in the morning. He chose those clothes last night, so no changing his mind at the last minute.

Most 3 year olds know how to dress themselves, and certainly almost all 4 year olds. 6/7 is just attention seeking, unless he has dyspraxia or something. In that case, therapy is in order. If shirt buttons are a problem, it's OK to get him started, but then you need to leave the room.

You really don't want to make this a power struggle. I promise you, you will not win. I think a sticker chart, and a special treat at the end of the week would be a good place to start. I'm not a fan of giving candy every day. Special one on one time is more important, IMHO.

Something that helped with DD, was that I would put her clothes in the dryer for a few minutes, while she was waking up. Once her "five more minutes" of grogginess were over, her clothes were warm, and she couldn't wait to get in them. The only thing she ever needed help with was her tights, because let's face it, tights are a total pain to put on.

If DD got ready quickly and we had a few minutes before the bus came, I would put Google on "safe search" and we'd look at images of some of her favorite things like butterflies, ladybugs, frogs, and lizards. It was fun and educational, and gave us a little bonding time. (Of course this probably won't work if you have a bunch of other kids who need to be herded out the door.)

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 1:19 pm

When my son turned 5 I simply dropped the responsibility. One nice day I handed him a pile of clothes and told him if he gets dressed fast he'll make the bus, if he doesn't he stays home. I was 100% serious about letting him stay home. Kids know when you're not. The first two days I allotted an hour for this. Now he needs less than 20 minutes total. I still fix him a bitand do his buttons but the rest is all on him.

Note: this came after 3 years of occupational and physical therapy. If you know for sure your son is able, simply
drop. The. Responsibility.
I promise you he will not want to stay home for more than 2-3 days, if that.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 1:24 pm

The problem with keeping a kid home all day is if you have to go to work, if the kid will be under your feet and driving you crazy, or if he's just enjoying chilling out at home.

DD had terrible anxiety, and would do ANYTHING to stay home. Going to school was punishment for her, not a reward. Getting her dressed was pretty easy. Getting her on the bus without a meltdown is another thing entirely.

B'H, she's on Zoloft now, and doing 85% better. She's getting the best grades she's ever had, and hasn't missed a single day of school for the first time in her life. (She's 16 now.)

amother

White

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 5:03 pm

amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:

I don't get the fuss? Why can't you just dress him if that's what he prefers?

He likes the extra pampering and will grow out of it eventually.

Is this really something that needs to get enforced?

If mom has to be busy with the younger kids, this has to be enforced.