Texting while driving

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Forum -> Computers, Phones and Devices

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amother

Orange

Tue, Feb 18 2020, 10:28 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I text when I drive. I find it easy, I have pretty good control over the car and my phone. Let me correct myself , I dont actually text, I READ my messages, and then respond if needed using voice notes. I am careful to make sure there are no other cars on the road in front of me , or if Im slowing down etc.. on busy parts of the road I dont read texts. Or I will at a red light and put my phone down when its green.
However I know it is completely wrong. I want to stop. but I cant. I know its dangerous. but it doesnt feel dangerous.
Every now and then I read on the horror of a split second text that cost someone their life, and I resolve to do better. I put my phone in the back seat for a few weeks.
then I slip back into my old ways.
I know how wrong it is. Its illegal, its dangerous.
Before you all go yelling at me -I know tons of other people do it too. Look around you at a red light. notice how many people are looking down. they are looking at their phones.
dont be fooled that I am the exception- I know I am not.

but anyway I want to stop. for good. I just dont know how to stop in a way that is lasting and not just a few weeks good resolve.

Your justification that lots of others do it too is despicable. There are lots of murderers out there too, does that mean you can do it too?
My neighbor’s mother was hit and killed by someone who was texted while driving. YOU ARE NOT INFALLIBLE. Drunks think they’re fine to drive too.
You’re obviously addicted to your phone since you say you can’t stop. Get yourself help before you hurt or kill someone. How would you feel if it would end up being one of your loved one c’v?

amother

Orange

Tue, Feb 18 2020, 10:29 pm

singleagain wrote:

Put your phone on do not disturb. While driving. My phone does it automatically. You can probably set your phone to do that. I think it works by detecting the speed. Bc I was a passenger yesterday in a different car and my phone went into DND mode. And keep your screen off. Then you won't see or hear notifications.

What is it about her saying “I can’t stop” do you not understand?

amother

Orange

Tue, Feb 18 2020, 10:30 pm

ora_43 wrote:

And are you also careful to make sure that nobody is about to unexpectedly run into the road ahead of you?

Honestly, it's really hard for me to sympathize here. Texting is not a physical addiction. You're choosing to do this, because even though a quick search will show you that texting is 6x more dangerous than drunk driving, that hundreds of pedestrians are killed each year by people texting and driving, etc, for whatever reason you think you're the one person who can drive well even when you're not looking at the road.

OK, fine, some slight sympathy for the fact that it doesn't feel dangerous. But honestly, what do you expect a dangerous situation to feel like? Life isn't a movie. If a deer is about to run into the highway, or a car is about to make an illegal turn onto your road from a blind drive, or a little kid is about to chase their ball into the street, you aren't going to hear any eerie music first. Everything feels completely safe until the second it isn't.

Psychological addictions are just as powerful and dangerous as physical addictions

singleagain

Tue, Feb 18 2020, 11:25 pm

amother [ Orange ] wrote:

What is it about her saying “I can’t stop” do you not understand?

That is rude.

I was trying to offer a practical suggestion, like she asked for. How to help her ignore her phone. Turning off notifications, putting it in the purse or backseat, are all good ideas to help cut back on use.

Your post is not only rude to me, but unhelpful to the OP who is asking for help and you are dismissing her by interpreting "I can't stop" as "I'm never going to change" OP posted asking for advice bc she wants to change. If she really couldn't stop, she wouldn't have posted this at all.

I'm sorry for your loss. But that is no excuse to write off someone who wants to be better.

trixx

Tue, Feb 18 2020, 11:41 pm

I have a different problem op, my husband is like you. Literally not one whatsapp or phone call he has ever yet received in the car would be worth the life/health of me, him or whichever kid is in the car. How can I get him to stop??

amother

Tue, Feb 18 2020, 11:55 pm

singleagain wrote:

Thank you. Your suggestions were the most useful and practical for me.
I didnt even bother clicking on the links with the stories. scare tactics do not work for me.
I need practical tips.

amother

Mint

Tue, Feb 18 2020, 11:59 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you. Your suggestions were the most useful and practical for me.
I didnt even bother clicking on the links with the stories. scare tactics do not work for me.
I need practical tips.

They're not scare tactics. They're just real life experiences of those who were in your shoes.

amother

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 12:00 am

banana123 wrote:

So it's really hard for you to stop and therefore you prioritize reading your texts over other people's lives.

I hope you get slapped with a serious fine that cripples you for a month or two. Because other than that, it looks like the only thing that'll make you stop is severely injuring, or killing, either yourself or someone else.

You might not mind leaving behind orphans or being a coma for the rest of your life, but you have no right to make that decision for others.

And all your safety "precautions" are worth nothing, because all it takes is a split second for a tragedy to occur. You are playing with other people's lives, literally.

And really, I don't care if you're doing the same as everyone else. From my perspective, we can have police officers revoking the licenses and impounding the vehicles of anyone who so much as looks at their phone while stopped at a red light, and especially those who text or read texts while actively driving.

Removing irresponsible drivers from the roads means the world will be a safer place AND there will be less congestion and pollution. Win-win.

do you always hate on people who acknowledge their issues and ask for help? I feel really bad for the people in your life.

are you such a perfect driver? do you never reach for your coffee cup? it only takes a split second as you stated above. Do you never fiddle with the heat buttons or adjust your shaitel? Drive when your tired?
I hope you fall asleep at the wheel and crash. and I hope you get slapped for a serious fine while your at it.
No I dont actually hope that. But see how it feels when someone says it to you.

amother

Mint

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 12:02 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

OP, your defensiveness at an obvious wrong is not helping your case. It rather speaks to your state of denial of how wrong your actions are.

singleagain

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 12:03 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you. Your suggestions were the most useful and practical for me.
I didnt even bother clicking on the links with the stories. scare tactics do not work for me.
I need practical tips.

If you need help setting something up. Let me know. I have an Android phone, but my mom had an iPhone so I can play in he's to find the settings.

amother

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 12:07 am

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

OP, your defensiveness at an obvious wrong is not helping your case. It rather speaks to your state of denial of how wrong your actions are.

Not defensive at all. all other posters also did their share of "yelling" at me
and I am perfectly fine with that. I know I am in the wrong.

I am not ok with someone wishing misfortune on another person.
perhaps you need to take a good look at your own self and your defensiveness.

amother

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 12:08 am

singleagain wrote:

If you need help setting something up. Let me know. I have an Android phone, but my mom had an iPhone so I can play in he's to find the settings.

Thank you. I have a friend who is very techy.
I will ask her. I didnt know there was such a setting. ty

singleagain

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 12:09 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you. I have a friend who is very techy.
I will ask her. I didnt know there was such a setting. ty

No prob. And good luck. I believe you can change if you want to. And it sounds like you want to. Good luck.

amother

Mint

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 12:11 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You're taking this very hard. She wasn't so much wishing you misfortune, she just wants you to be stopped. And if you can't seem to come to it on your own terms, she hopes the mildest form of repercussions, I.e. a fine, stops this reckless and dangerous behavior, instead of you learning it in a very harsh way.

And its for the safety of society.

amother

Mint

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 12:16 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

do you never reach for your coffee cup? it only takes a split second as you stated above. Do you never fiddle with the heat buttons or adjust your shaitel? Drive when your tired?
.

While these are obviously wrong as well, texting is different. Texting involves manual, visual AND Cognitive distraction. You're distracted in every which way possible. Reaching for coffee cups hasn't upped the statistics of car disasters, but texting sure has.

banana123

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 12:52 am

amother [ Orange ] wrote:

What is it about her saying “I can’t stop” do you not understand?

She CAN stop, she either a) is addicted and needs to toss her phone and then go for rehab, b) she doesn't really WANT to stop.

There's no such thing as CAN'T here. She is PHYSICALLY able. She just doesn't WANT to enough.

When she realizes that a very big part of her wants to keep texting and driving - bigger than the part of her that wants to stop - she will be able to look herself in the eye, admit that she doesn't REALLY want to stop, and find a solution for that problem, instead of claiming incapability.

Part of OP wants to stop. Otherwise she wouldn't have written this post. But part of her wants to keep texting and driving. And right now, that part is the larger part.

Last edited by banana123 on Wed, Feb 19 2020, 1:15 am; edited 2 times in total

banana123

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 12:56 am

trixx wrote:

Show him this thread?
Have the kid hold the phone. Or you hold it.
Phone calls, there are holders so that you can talk on the phone without actually looking at it or touching it. WhatsApp, maybe a simple phone would solve the problem.

banana123

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 1:07 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm not "hating on" you. You need to be stopped. You don't seem to take others' lives seriously. If you can stop yourself, all the better. But if you can't, then someone needs to stop you before you kill someone.

This is literally life and death. If you can't stop on your own perhaps a serious enough fine will help you out. People literally only care about their pockets. In Israel for even touching your phone (if you are caught - which is a different story) you can get a 1,000 NIS fine. People literally do not care about people's lives, but they sure are good at explaining why they don't "deserve" the fine.

And the only people who used to text and now don't (meaning, not the people who are responsible anyways, but the people who need to be motivated to abide by the law) are the ones who have been slapped with a hefty fine. And sometimes the fine only works for a few months, and then they go back to texting and driving again.

So if that's you, then yeah, I hope you get slapped with a hefty fine, one that you will care about, remember, that will impact you, BEFORE you kill or maim someone.

And what I linked were not "scare tactics." They are real-life stories of people who were confident in their ability to break the law without hurting anyone, until they did hurt someone. It's always better to learn from someone else's experience and not insist on making the same mistake yourself, just to prove that you're infallible.

Like someone else said, coffee doesn't distract you visually or cognitively. You can sip coffee while looking at the red light. Coffee hasn't significantly raised the number of traffic accidents and fatalities. Texting has. There is no comparison and trying to draw one is just silly.

Oh, and by the way. I never said I hope you crash. Your hate for people who look you in the eye and tell you the truth straight-up, no holds barred, is disgusting. And I don't believe that you don't really mean that. You 10000% meant it when you wrote it. You just "took it back" because it's not PC. But I also don't care that you wished that on me. I believe in karma. What you wish on others comes back to bite you.

I wish that every person who ever touches their phone while driving will get slapped with a 1000 NIS/ $1000 fine. There. I said it. I wish it with all my heart, and have for years. I wish it because those fines LITERALLY save lives. And lives are more important than money, even though most people care more about their money than their lives or others' lives. If I ever touch my phone while driving and get a fine, I will have deserved it and I will pay it without complaint, happy that law enforcement exists.

I don't think YOU want to crash, though, so don't wish it on others.

amother

Seashell

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 6:32 am

Deleted

FranticFrummie

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 8:09 am

You can text all your life, and never get hurt. Your kids and DH can never get hurt.

What about someone who is going on the crosswalk against the light? What if they are a small kid who you can't really see over your dashboard well, and you looked away for just a second?

If CVS you killed someone, you would never forgive yourself. You would live with that guilt for the rest of your life. How do you atone for that? What impact will the investigation have on your kids and your husband? What about the family of the victim? They will never recover either.

We don't live in a vacuum. We are all interconnected, and everyone has to do their part to minimize risk whenever possible. Nothing and nobody is perfect or perfectly safe, but that is no excuse to not do your part to protect yourself and others.

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