Can't hang out with friends :(

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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amother

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 9:25 pm

I can't hang out with friends because everything costs money. Lunch, gas, the mall, a play, etc.
We don't have an extra penny but I don't want to tell them the reason why I can't go.
I don't know if this is a vent or a plea for help/ideas.
Crying

I'm so lonely

hodeez

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 9:32 pm

You can go to each other's houses and chill over a cup of homemade coffee. Or just walk around and enjoy life's scenery.

ra_mom

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 9:33 pm

Ask for a walking partner. Bring coffees for both of you. Enjoy the brisk air!

Sending hugs and yeshuos quickly!

Last edited by ra_mom on Wed, Feb 19 2020, 9:34 pm; edited 1 time in total

hodeez

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 9:34 pm

You can also exercise together, that's free.

#BestBubby

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 9:43 pm

Meeting in a pizza shop is relatively cheap. Also some chinese auctions are quite cheap and they give food and entertainment.

Cheiny

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 10:06 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm so lonely

If they’re true friends you shouldn’t be ashamed to be honest with them. They’ll understand and I’m sure they won’t mind coming up with a plan that will accommodate you.

amother

Black

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 11:10 pm

I’m in the same position. We don’t have and extra 2$ for a slice of pizza. My friends know money’s tight but I don’t think it would occur to them that going out for coffee isn’t possible for me. And I don’t tell them cuz if they knew how broke I am it would change the dynamic. I’m lucky that I’m not a super social person. But I do feel bad not joining in when they go out to eat or... I’m looking forward to warmer weather when we can hang out at the park

#BestBubby

Wed, Feb 19 2020, 11:58 pm

Maybe offer to host in your house - some potato chips and water and have a good shmooze.

tichellady

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 1:09 am

I am sorry. If I were your friend I would want to know and would happily pay but I get why that’s hard for you

dankbar

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 1:38 am

Go when it's your bday so they will pay for you lol

baby12x

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 2:08 am

I had the same situation. I remember all my friends took their kids to a neighborhood carnival thing. I stayed home and cried.

The next time my friend wanted to do something, I said: money is tight. I want to do something totally free because I'm not spending money now.
Baruch hashem she totally understood. (Not all people will and super rich people often don't understand that certain things cost money- like gas etc.).

Its hard to miss out because of money but maybe sometimes they can do things that are free so you can join.

That experience changed how I viewed money. There is No Reason Why we have to be embarrassed about money. Its only one aspect of our lives. Since then I have become more open about my finances and have only had positive responses. I wrote about my thoughts here:

https://adimesaved.com/talk-about-money

Rappel

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 4:18 am

If they're not willing to do a free activity with you, then you need new friends whom fit your lifestyle. You don't have to advertise that you're strapped for cash, either.

amother

Jade

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 7:44 am

This had been going on for me for a while. I found new friends who were on my "spendlength."

amother

Apricot

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 9:33 am

Why do you need to spend $ to spend time with friends?

I had a friend who would go to target motzei Shabbos. I would tag along for the company and not buy anything.

Parks are free and nice to walk in.

Coffee/tea at home --

It's not what you do but whom you do it with!!!

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 10:02 am

dankbar wrote:

Go when it's your bday so they will pay for you lol

But then you will have to reciprocate and pay on their bdays....

Girl@Heart

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 10:04 am

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

I had a friend who would go to target motzei Shabbos. I would tag along for the company and not buy anything.

That’s some will power. Target is probably my most expensive errand every week 🙈

groovy1224

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 10:04 am

Maybe you can institute a girls game night in your house? You can do it once a month, everyone brings a snack or bakes something, and you play games and laugh and have a good time. And it's basically free! You can also take turns hosting. If a friend asked me to do this I would be 100% up for it.

#BestBubby

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 8:17 pm

groovy1224 wrote:

I would love a monthly girls game night in BP or Flatbush.

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 8:18 pm

Girl@Heart wrote:

That’s some will power. Target is probably my most expensive errand every week 🙈

If u have target app, so worthshile to do target drive up. It will save u alot of $ cuz no impluse buying. They bring items to ur car

amother

Burgundy

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 8:32 pm

Maybe get together and go food shopping together...or any other errands u do anyways.

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