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Does everyone have for whom to send mishloch munes?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 11:36 am
I have my siblings 2 neighbors, thats about it.
Yea it hurts when it goes by year after year and none of my friends send . I do , but barely recieve back. (Well, I dont think my friends are true friends) purim is a time when u can really tell who your true friends are .
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amother




Burlywood
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 11:42 am
Purim is my LEAST favorite holiday.

The social drama for teenage girls is horrible. Who are you dressing up with and who give you. I will take cleaning for Pesach or fasting on Yom Kippur any day over how hurt the children get.
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amother




Babyblue
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 11:45 am
And then there is the opposite extreme. The pressure of living in a huge frum neighborhood where you have no real friends but there is still an expectation to give everyone in the neighborhood. So the options are
1. Take and Give back - very expensive and weird because these people arent your friends
2. Take but dont give back - possibly making the person who came by feel uncomfortable plus its not accepted in these circles are all so you will be the neighborhood weirdo
3. Go away for purim or dont answer the door - will be homeless for the day and possibly traumatizing the kids for life

I know, funny LOL sadly also true
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amother




Pewter
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 11:46 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I have my siblings 2 neighbors, thats about it.
Yea it hurts when it goes by year after year and none of my friends send . I do , but barely recieve back. (Well, I dont think my friends are true friends) purim is a time when u can really tell who your true friends are .


That's interesting, we give and don't get a lot back but it never occurred to me to weigh the friendship that way. Often people only give to family or only to people that they need to give a gift to (Rav, teachers etc) since it adds up to give to friends as well. I don't think that the amount of Mishloach Manos we get is a reflection of the depth of our relationships
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amother




Cyan
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 11:47 am
I drive around and give
Some people don’t give back
If I did not give out I would not get in return our local Chabad gives out I volunteer and people are so happy to receive one
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amother




Aqua
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 11:48 am
I told my friends I won't give you and you don't give me cause otherwise there is no end....
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amother




Blonde
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 11:51 am
amother [ Aqua ] wrote:
I told my friends I won't give you and you don't give me cause otherwise there is no end....

I have such a mutual agreement with most family members.
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 11:53 am
amother [ Aqua ] wrote:
I told my friends I won't give you and you don't give me cause otherwise there is no end....

Same. We cannot drive around.
We give to teachers, neighbors, and family members at the seuda. That takes 48 pieces!
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amother




Blonde
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 11:54 am
I actually think it's a little bit of a problem how it's become about exchanging rather than giving.
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amother




Blush
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 11:54 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I have my siblings 2 neighbors, thats about it.
Yea it hurts when it goes by year after year and none of my friends send . I do , but barely recieve back. (Well, I dont think my friends are true friends) purim is a time when u can really tell who your true friends are .


I feel the same way. The Jewish holidays are a lonely time for people with not much family or true friends. I sympathize. Hugs,
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Stars




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 11:54 am
My real friends and I don't give to each others, yet we have a list of over 30 recipients. It's not fun and most of them are not expected to give anything back. So no I don't think purim really shows who your friends are and how many you have.
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amother




Blonde
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 11:56 am
Some people may be afraid to give because they think you might not have one for them and that might make it awkward.
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hodeez




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 11:59 am
We just give to family and they reciprocate. We also make for the kids Morahs but obviously don't expect anything back.
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 12:02 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I have my siblings 2 neighbors, thats about it.
Yea it hurts when it goes by year after year and none of my friends send . I do , but barely recieve back. (Well, I dont think my friends are true friends) purim is a time when u can really tell who your true friends are .


Please realize, this is not what Purim is about. All these posts in the mishloach manos threads where people talk about the "table full of junk" they receive is not real life. I don't know a soul who gets that on Purim. MAYBE the most popular rabbi in town. Other than that, no one.

MM are not supposed to tell you who your real friends are. You should already know that. The mitzvah is to send to one or two people. Thats it. And its supposed to be to accomplish good feelings between you. We make sure to give, and to have our kids give to someone who they are not friends with YET but would like to be.

I'm sorry Purim has gotten so out of hand.


amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:
Purim is my LEAST favorite holiday.

The social drama for teenage girls is horrible. Who are you dressing up with and who give you. I will take cleaning for Pesach or fasting on Yom Kippur any day over how hurt the children get.


Wait. Teenage girls dress up with each other? Where is this a thing? I've had more than one teenage girl and this has never been a thing. They are all with their families on Purim. When is there a time to be with friends?
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amother




Cyan
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 12:25 pm
One local family who works sends cards the money goes to chailifeline
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Twinster




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 12:52 pm
My friends and I almost never meet on Purim.

They’re all busy with their extended families, driving around to rebbes and teachers... I don’t think it says anything about what kind of friends they are.
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 12:55 pm
amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:
Purim is my LEAST favorite holiday.

The social drama for teenage girls is horrible. Who are you dressing up with and who give you. I will take cleaning for Pesach or fasting on Yom Kippur any day over how hurt the children get.


I could've written this. We don't have a real seuda, just ourselves. I do have whom to give cuz we have frum neighbors.
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kenz




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 12:58 pm
amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:
Purim is my LEAST favorite holiday.

The social drama for teenage girls is horrible. Who are you dressing up with and who give you. I will take cleaning for Pesach or fasting on Yom Kippur any day over how hurt the children get.

That’s so sad. I have a few teenage girls and we all love Purim. No one has ever felt like they were “less than” based on who they got MM from. We do dress up as a family so there’s no competition with friends in that department. I’ve never even heard of friends coordinating their costumes. Perhaps you can try to make it more family focused rather than friends.
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avrahamama




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 2:14 pm
I always give to just 1 or two ladies that I don't know very well but want to put a smile on their faces and then I move on. I make a huge bag of kids mm for any child that comes to drop off when we are home. And will drive to classmates that didn't make it to us. It's a busy day but just because of the mm delivery but because of megillah and seudah. I don't feel less loved it popular. I'm fact I feel more loved that my lose friends don't feel the need to impress me with their bells and whistles.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Feb 20 2020, 2:33 pm
I only have a few people on my list. They are special, though, so I can spend a little more and make theirs extra nice. I'm glad I'm not expected to give to the entire community.

All of this "social giving" and competition has absolutely nothing to do with halacha, you know. If anything, it's not in the spirit of Purim at all. I hate that Purim has become the Jewish version of Halloween and Xmas combined.

You are supposed to send two gift packages, and you are supposed to send them to people who otherwise would not have a seudah. A bottle of wine, a loaf of challah, and a piece of meat large enough to feed the family (according to the Rambam.) Donating to charity does not replace the mitzvah, this is something that you have to actively be engaged in giving.
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