Does everyone have for whom to send mishloch munes?

amother

Tan

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 5:03 pm

amother [ Cyan ] wrote:

One local family who works sends cards the money goes to chailifeline

I also send cards from Chai Lifeline but I still send at least one mishloach manos with two types of foods to fulfill the mitzvah.

amother

Taupe

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 7:53 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I have my siblings 2 neighbors, thats about it.
Yea it hurts when it goes by year after year and none of my friends send . I do , but barely recieve back. (Well, I dont think my friends are true friends) purim is a time when u can really tell who your true friends are .

OP, I'm sorry you feel that way. Do you have parents or in-laws ? If you have kids, perhaps you can focus on bringing them to their teachers and friends, and not worrying about who gives you back. The reason is, many many people are extremely overwhelmed on Purim and don't get to give everyone they want to give. Many people focus more on giving their kids friends instead of theor own friends. Don't judge your friendships based on that.

amother

Taupe

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 8:03 pm

Wouldn't it be wonderful if each woman on this board would take upon herself to think of one or two women who probably don't receive many/any shalach manos and bring one over? And if you have time, maybe have each of your children think of one kid in their class who is not so popular and probably wont receive any.

amother

Maroon

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 8:24 pm

It's really not like that for many people. Other than children's friends, rebbeim, teachers, rav. We feel obligated to give all the people from the block or shul. Our real-er friends don't make the cut. I wish but honestly, no one has time. The neighborhood thing has become overwhelmingly an obligation. If you'd judge who my good friends are this way you'd be wrong.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 8:47 pm

Wow, I'm so glad we don't have to drive around to all of our kid's teachers and friends on Purim. That would be nuts! We send to the teachers through the school and each kid has a designated meeting time. One class mom offers to have everyone over at a particular time and the kids all come at once and give out their m"m to all their classmates so no one is left out. For the younger kids we don't even make class m"m, we just bring one item of nosh to share with everyone and they make up their bags on the spot and exchange them so they all get the same thing.

We don't give our own m"m to neighborhood friends either. We give through the shul. We give mostly to family and a couple of old family friends and a few people who might be overlooked otherwise. We usually give out between 15-18 themed m"m (for the fun of it, not because of the pressure) with real food instead of junk. We make a few extra just in case we run into someone unexpectedly.

imasinger

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 9:39 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

You are supposed to send two gift packages, and you are supposed to send them to people who otherwise would not have a seudah. A bottle of wine, a loaf of challah, and a piece of meat large enough to feed the family (according to the Rambam.) Donating to charity does not replace the mitzvah, this is something that you have to actively be engaged in giving.

I believe the halacha is to give at least 2 ready to eat foods to at least one friend. And that it is not necessary to send to someone who won't otherwise have a seuda, although one should send matanos la'evyonim, or invite them.

See here:
https://www.halachipedia.com/I.....Manot

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 10:59 pm

I give to my family, neighbors, and teachers. Most of my neighbors don't give to neighbors, but I like giving. A couple of my sisters in law don't give either. Many people try to keep their list short. I don't give to my friends, the day is hectic enough as is. I don't give expecting something back.
One thing I do wish for though is that the school should make a rule that the girls can't can't give to friends. Everyone should get 2 girls they give to, so everyone gets from 2 girls. And that's it, no more giving to other girls. It creates jealousy and competition amongst the girls. One of my girls get quite afew every year and my other daughter gets maybe 1, my heart goes out for her.

Rappel

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 11:08 pm

Y'all. I'm stunned. To me, Purim is about walking up and down your neighborhood, seeing the costumes, playing music, and giving each other small gifts.

I make about 40 affordable pekelach each year. And I give. I love walking around the neighborhood and giving out food. It's so special, so delightful, so exciting.

If I felt even a bit of the pressure you're describing, I probably would hide in my house and never come out. Why do you do it??

Rappel

Fri, Feb 21 2020, 12:31 am

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

What about the people that wait for you to come give them mishloach manot? And if you don’t stop by on Purim the guilt trip they give you.

Definitely sound like the kind of people you really feel close to LOL

what a ridiculous thing to do.

amother

Taupe

Fri, Feb 21 2020, 2:06 am

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

What about the people that wait for you to come give them mishloach manot? And if you don’t stop by on Purim the guilt trip they give you.

This is the exact opposite of what the mitzva was Inended to be.

amother

Taupe

Fri, Feb 21 2020, 2:13 am

DH is a rav so we get well over 100 shalach manos. I dont give back to everyone who comes. I prepare a few pots of cholent and give that out for shalach manos. We usually run out by 2:00. Anyone who comes after that just doesn't get shalach manos back. It's not about exchanging gifts, it's about fulfilling the mitzva of giving ONE package (consisting of two items) to ONE person or family..
So much of the pressure we have on Purim is self induced.

amother

Apricot

Fri, Feb 21 2020, 2:20 am

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

What about the people that wait for you to come give them mishloach manot? And if you don’t stop by on Purim the guilt trip they give you.

its a two way street, if they didnt come to give you you didnt have to go to them

southernbubby

Fri, Feb 21 2020, 3:26 am

At my stage in life, the frenzy is over with. Whichever children and grandchildren that I see on Purim, I will give to and maybe a couple of neighbors. We don't know tons of people in Monsey but it is mainly fun for the kids. I don't think about who doesn't send cookies and most people my age don't go crazy over sending MM.
I do feel sorry for children who get left out.

amother

Orchid

Fri, Feb 21 2020, 7:58 am

You know what I realized?
From all the mm that I prepare, I’m basically giving to my dhs large family who live in our neighborhood, dhs shul friends, and neighbors...
After a whole day, I have not received anything from any real friends...
That hurts-
(It’s still a bit busy, but friends? I guess I don’t have any...)

My ds who is 6 cried in his room last Purim. It was in the middle of the day with all the comings and goings.. my other kids were busy with the mm they got from their friends... ds6 was in his costume, crying to himself... when I went to him he told me that not one single boy came to bring him mm and now he knows that he has no friends 😢... it was so sad that such a young child could feel so hurt. He had given a neighbor his age, but he was right- there was not one single boy who knocked on the door for him while the other kids were exchanging.

amother

Seagreen

Fri, Feb 21 2020, 8:09 am

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

I don't receive anything from friends either. And I don't give to friends. A friendship isn't based on whether they give shalach manos or not. Just like you're busy and don't make the trip out to them, they're busy and don't make the trip out to you.
Is it the norm in your community that a 6 year old gets from friends? Do people really bother driving around to 6 year old kids? Did you take him to other kids or he just sat home waiting?

amother

Orchid

Fri, Feb 21 2020, 8:16 am

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

After I saw how distraught he was, I quickly called the mothers of some of his friends to see if the kids could exchange and we drove there.

perquacky

Fri, Feb 21 2020, 8:35 am

watergirl wrote:

Wait. Teenage girls dress up with each other? Where is this a thing? I've had more than one teenage girl and this has never been a thing. They are all with their families on Purim. When is there a time to be with friends?

They dress up in school for Shushan Purim. Or for whenever the school carnival is--usually some time in Adar.
I've never been creative when it comes to Purim costumes, so trying to figure out what my daughter should wear every year is a bit stressful.