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Siblings going away alone without husbands and wives
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amother




Gray
 

Post  Fri, Feb 21 2020, 1:10 pm
amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:
I didn't say its inappropriate. I said I, as in me personally, would be uncomfortable with the idea.


Same! I wouldn't have shared a room with my brothers when I was a teenager, and even more so now that I'm married. How does that even work with covering my hair? Are my brothers allowed to see my hair? Never thought about that. And I wouldn't feel comfortable in pants in front of them, even if I was fine with that as a teenager.
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Rachel Shira




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Feb 21 2020, 1:13 pm
I’m with those who are uncomfortable about the fact that it’s brothers and sisters going together. Can’t put my finger on why though. I don’t think it’s inappropriate necessarily, just strange. I understand why people would think it’s fine.
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amother




Dodgerblue
 

Post  Fri, Feb 21 2020, 2:19 pm
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
Same! I wouldn't have shared a room with my brothers when I was a teenager, and even more so now that I'm married. How does that even work with covering my hair? Are my brothers allowed to see my hair? Never thought about that. And I wouldn't feel comfortable in pants in front of them, even if I was fine with that as a teenager.
They don't share bedrooms, come on. They stay in different rooms. It's the communal dining and round table/lounge conversations that reignites the old biological bond and is very beneficial and comforting for elderly parents. And it's not lengthy vacation type outings. It's a shabbos or overnight get together usually.
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amother




Dodgerblue
 

Post  Fri, Feb 21 2020, 2:22 pm
amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:
I wouldn't mind just curious how it works? Like if DH goes with his sisters, they share a room and he gets his own?

I would be very uncomfortable with DH sharing a room with a sister.
A married woman I know shared a bedrooom with her brother while on a relative trip without their spouses. I thought it was very inappropriate. Chareidy circles.
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simba




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Feb 21 2020, 2:26 pm
I've done this with my siblings. Boys get their own rooms and sisters share their own. It's so nice. Spouses are great but there is something beautiful about your own siblings.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Feb 21 2020, 4:11 pm
While I would enjoy spending time with siblings only I would NEVER make such a get-together,
much less a vacation.

This is so UNFRIENDLY to SIL and BIL. I never heard of such a thing!

I read a true story in one of the frum magazines about a woman who was so hurt that her
SILs (who were sisters) would get together in restraurants and not invite her. Once when out
with her DH she saw the SILs there and went over and told them she was hurt that she was
not invited. After that, they always included her in their get-togethers.
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amother




Ecru
 

Post  Fri, Feb 21 2020, 4:22 pm
#BestBubby wrote:
While I would enjoy spending time with siblings only I would NEVER make such a get-together,
much less a vacation.

This is so UNFRIENDLY to SIL and BIL. I never heard of such a thing!

I read a true story in one of the frum magazines about a woman who was so hurt that her
SILs (who were sisters) would get together in restraurants and not invite her. Once when out
with her DH she saw the SILs there and went over and told them she was hurt that she was
not invited. After that, they always included her in their get-togethers.


Or they went OOT to eat.
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amother




Mustard
 

Post  Fri, Feb 21 2020, 4:28 pm
amother [ Lemon ] wrote:
In that case your SIL should understand that you want to spend some time with your brother and she comes along it means your other brothers won't feel comfortable.
In my family the male/female factor is an issue, and all spouses are mature enough to realize that as much as everyone loves each other we can only have good wholesome fun if its siblings only.
That said, it never happened yet, but whenever we discuss it, we're all in agreement.
And there are PLENTY of opportunities for EVERYONE to get together.

I guess I just don't relate. It's not about maturity, maybe my idea of good wholesome fun is different or maybe my relationships with my brothers are different than yours.
Either way, if it ever happens, enjoy.
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amother




Rose
 

Post  Sat, Feb 22 2020, 8:29 pm
#BestBubby wrote:
While I would enjoy spending time with siblings only I would NEVER make such a get-together,
much less a vacation.

This is so UNFRIENDLY to SIL and BIL. I never heard of such a thing!

I read a true story in one of the frum magazines about a woman who was so hurt that her
SILs (who were sisters) would get together in restraurants and not invite her. Once when out
with her DH she saw the SILs there and went over and told them she was hurt that she was
not invited. After that, they always included her in their get-togethers.

And she said hated going when they invited her because they did it out of obligation and it was so awkward.
Yes they were rude but it wasn't a happy ending.
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amother




Dodgerblue
 

Post  Sat, Feb 22 2020, 10:16 pm
I. would. not. enjoy. a. vacation. with dh's. family.

Let them get together and exclude me. They are too upnosed and lipsticky for the easygoing me to enjoy their rigid, cold, proper company.

My fun loving, laid back, chilling sibs? Anytime!
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Feb 22 2020, 10:22 pm
amother [ Rose ] wrote:
And she said hated going when they invited her because they did it out of obligation and it was so awkward.
Yes they were rude but it wasn't a happy ending.


The lesson is to include the SIL from the beginning.
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amother




Ecru
 

Post  Sat, Feb 22 2020, 10:24 pm
#BestBubby wrote:
The lesson is to include the SIL from the beginning.


Or be more discrete to accommodate her sensitivity.
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HonesttoGod




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Feb 22 2020, 11:22 pm
I don’t get it, when sisters go away on a sisters trip that’s fine but include the brothers and it’s weird?

Personally I wouldn’t do it with my brothers because we’re not all the same type but I’d do it with my just my sisters and if my husband wanted to do it with his siblings, no prob. Yes I may feel a little left out but there’s different groups. Sometiems it’s all family some times it’s just siblings. There’s a link that siblings share that in laws cannot share.

And like someone mentioned in laws don’t sit shiva so there IS something to a sibling. And there is nothing wrong with letting your spouse have time to nurture that relationship without you.
I do everything with my husband but I still know some things we have to do separately. For our sanity and mental health.
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amother




Tangerine
 

Post  Sat, Feb 22 2020, 11:31 pm
I think a sisters only or a brothers only trip is WAAAY more hurtful than a "brothers and sisters" only. If its just sisters and your not including sisters in law that is way more of a slap in the face you are not our sister than if it was "blood brothers and sisters only" together
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amother




Burgundy
 

Post  Sun, Feb 23 2020, 12:13 am
amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:
I think a sisters only or a brothers only trip is WAAAY more hurtful than a "brothers and sisters" only. If its just sisters and your not including sisters in law that is way more of a slap in the face you are not our sister than if it was "blood brothers and sisters only" together


I disagree unless there's only one SIL/BIL that's excluded. Then that's sad.

But I have 8 sisters in law. I have 2 sisters. If I want to spend time with my sisters, why do I need to go with 8 extra people?

Not only would it be impossible to coordinate, we are all so different. We don't enjoy the same activities. OTOH, my sisters and I are very similar. We like the same things.
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ROFL




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Feb 23 2020, 9:46 pm
The time siblings have to be together is during shiva. I would hope that siblings would want to be together in a joyous time when they can laugh and have fun.
My dH went to his parents 50th anniversary just with his sisters. They had fun talking about their childhood I would have been an outsider to their stories. They were able to laugh and enjoy themselves. I was fine staying at home with my kids.
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amother




Orchid
 

Post  Sun, Feb 23 2020, 9:57 pm
I think it's so beautiful when siblings want to spend time together. Theres a special sibling bond. My siblings and I are too busy and dont live near each other and a small vacation alone with them sounds like a dream . We all live very different lives but we have similar personalities and spending time together would be so nice . I would not mind if my husband would go away with his siblings . He happens not to be so close to them and he would never do it but if he wanted to I would totally understand. It would bring so much nachas to my parents.
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amother




Navy
 

Post  Sun, Feb 23 2020, 11:56 pm
amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:
I think a sisters only or a brothers only trip is WAAAY more hurtful than a "brothers and sisters" only. If its just sisters and your not including sisters in law that is way more of a slap in the face you are not our sister than if it was "blood brothers and sisters only" together

I don't think either one should be considered hurtful in any way.
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Teomima




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Feb 24 2020, 1:52 am
I wouldn't mind if mine joined along if all the siblings were going, however I think the entire ideas of a siblings-only activity is ridiculous. In my family once you've married in, you're part of the family. We would never dream of excluding married siblings-in-law from anything.
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316621




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Feb 24 2020, 9:37 am
Yes, it would. A bit weird to call it a "family vacation" and then exclude half the family. It's like planning a "family vacation" and not inviting a sibling.
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