When they won’t confirm an invite!

amother

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 12:06 pm

When is an appropriate amount of time before chag (Pesach) to confirm whether you are attending as a guest or not?
To ones own family?

Considering, people need to plan, shop, invite other guests if necessary, plan sleeping arrangements etc..

Is it not rude to wait only a couple of weeks beforehand?

Iymnok

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 12:17 pm

After Purim.
I guess some families are planners and like earlier. If there is plane travel, the plans should be known by now.
Call and ask them. If they don’t know, ask when they will.

amother

Coffee

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 12:17 pm

I think it depends on the hosts--maybe ask their preference? Some people plan before purim, others wait till after to begin. I think for sleeping guests, a month is reasonable for me, but some people are more or less flexible. Probably less for just meals.

amother

Beige

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 12:30 pm

I know I'm always invited by my parents, but I'll do a week or two courtesy.
My in laws will usually ask after Purim for Pesach, and around Rosh Hashana time for sukkos. I like to make my plans early, but I wait for them to ask till I let them know so to know that I'm definitely invited rather than just announcing that we'll be there.

amother

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 12:33 pm

Wanted to add,

I like to plan ahead. I am very busy. Little ones at home, work full time and work ON Pesach also.
Out of town guests were invited and I keep getting “idk” answers.
It’s infuriating.
I’d like to move on if I am able to.
What do I do?

singleagain

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 12:37 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ask for an answer by x date. For instance, tell them today, you really need to know by Friday.

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 12:39 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No it’s not rude. A few weeks is plenty of time.

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 12:40 pm

My mom plans pesach 2020 set up (which couples are coming which days) on motzai pesach 2019 LOL

amother

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 12:41 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

No it’s not rude. A few weeks is plenty of time.

I guess for me and my circumstances it’s harder.
For some I guess it’s okay.
So I guess there isn’t really such a straight answer for everyone, seeing all the comments.

SixOfWands

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 12:41 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Reasonable minds will differ. And it will absolutely depend on whether you need to find other places for people to stay.

Give them a call and say that you know that Pesach isn't for a while, but you need to make plans, so you will need a definite answer by DATE.

amother

Burlywood

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 12:57 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You can tell them that you need to know by a certain date.

amother

Azure

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 1:16 pm

IMHO- 4 weeks if sleeping
But I prefer 6-8 weeks before because
A. I pay for my kids/grandkids plane ticket. The earlier they book the better
B. I need to find room for all the families. Sometimes I need to borrow an apartment in my same building

2 weeks if only eating, could also be the day of
since I always cook enough so I don’t mind last minute eating guests

I also think it’s not rude to let them know that you need to know by x date right when you invite them

amother

Burlywood

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 1:25 pm

If your kids will be flying in, I think it's nice to let parents know as early as possible so they can make all arrangements enough in advance.

OOTforlife

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 1:25 pm

For me, 1 or 2 people is no big deal on short notice. If we're talking about a family with 6 kids ages 2 to 17, then I would need notice well in advance.

mommyX2

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 1:31 pm

def ok to say that since u are busy with work you need to know your plans in advance and can they let you know by x date.

SixOfWands

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 1:48 pm

OOTforlife wrote:

For me, 1 or 2 people is no big deal on short notice. If we're talking about a family with 6 kids ages 2 to 17, then I would need notice well in advance.

Yes.

But everyone is different, and we should respect those differences. You'd be fine with a last minute response, but OP wouldn't. So OP needs to let the prospective guests know.

amother

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 1:50 pm

Thank you everyone!
I have a hard time in general being assertive because I’m scared of it.
I will bare this in mind... make my needs known upfront.

MiracleMama

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 2:02 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's unique to who the host and who the guests are but if you are the host you are more than entitled to say, "we are happy to host you but I will need to know by ___. If you can't decide what you're doing by then I am not going to be able to accommodate you."

amother

Babyblue

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 3:55 pm

Some people can't or won't commit in advance. If your family is that type you can be assertive with a response deadline but the end result is that you don't end up getting together as often. Dh's family is like that and it's always hard for me to choose whether I should be more flexible and last minute which means more stress for me or insist on an answer which usually means them saying they won't come because they can't commit.