"what's in it for me?"

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 4:44 am

When you ask your teen to do something and they reply "what's the in it for me?" how do you respond?

Answer honestly?
Ignore?
Something else?

In this case it was please get me the calculator from your schoolbag which is actually mine but I am letting DC borrow until the new one arrives (first time they needed this type of calculator).

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 4:51 am

“So I won’t clobber you over the head with it”

Would be my initial thought,
But honestly, that young lady needs a to learn some respect.

DrMom

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 5:09 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How about: You get to keep living here rent-free.

yo'ma

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 7:06 am

Since it’s a mitzvah, a reward from hashem. I don’t understand the question. Why would it even be asked. I understand a teen and all, but still.

saw50st8

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 7:10 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

"Should I only do things that only benefit me?"

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 7:16 am

Is the teen annoyed about physically getting the calculator or not having it when they might need it and might need to tell a teacher why?

penguin

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 7:19 am

למען יארוכון ימיך comes ot mind

Aylat

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 7:19 am

Give them an eloquent raised eyebrows look.

bigsis144

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 7:24 am

Yooo, this totally my ten year old!! Following for advice

essie14

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 7:25 am

DrMom wrote:

How about: You get to keep living here rent-free.

That is what DH and I always answer!

amother

Khaki

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 8:38 am

In the moment joke about it. When it's appropriate, discuss the your expectations.

PinkFridge

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 8:54 am

I'd probably start laughing. I'm not advocating this though.

amother

Pewter

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 10:19 am

I would probably say "I think you meant to say something else. Try that again. "

amother

Honeydew

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 10:24 am

DrMom wrote:

How about: You get to keep living here rent-free.

You are required to provide a place for your child to be.

amother

Burlywood

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 10:29 am

amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:

You are required to provide a place for your child to be.

Halachicallu not. I believe that’s only up until age 6. Although I don’t recommend/approve of anyone start kicking their kids out of the house

Chayalle

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 10:43 am

saw50st8 wrote:

"Should I only do things that only benefit me?"

This.

I took a parenting course with Mrs. Leah Trenk of Lakewood a few years ago, and she said something similar.

If kids say why should I help out, the response is to get them thinking. She said to say "do you plan on doing every last thing in your household when B"EH you are a mother? Do you plan on your kids having jobs to do, to help out?"

I think this response is in that vein.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 10:43 am

Oysh. How did she get to this point? Is this something she learned from a classmate?

DD tried this shtick with me when she was 7, and it didn't go over well. I didn't make her dinner that night, and she got the message that we are a family, and we do things because we care about each other. (And of course I gave her dinner after that.)

I would tell your DD, "I will remember this next time you ask me to buy you XYX." and then carry on as if nothing has happened.

Chayalle

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 10:48 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

As an aside, I don't go into my teen's briefcase - I would consider that her personal private space. So for this particular case I might also add that "I respect your privacy and wouldn't take it myself, so please bring it to me."

amother

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 1:14 pm

So this is what happened- (btw kid was being lazy and didn't want to physically move, I was only "borrowing" the calculator)

In the moment, I think I said absolutely nothing, because I was very angry. I left the room. A few minutes later I started to ask again, and realized that it wasn't going to go well, because tbh DC looked incredibly tired, so changed and said "I'm going down to get the calculator". And then DC calls out "can you bring up.my bag for me?". I was calm at that moment, and I said "what's in it for ME?". Huff and sigh "I'm coming down to get it". By this stage I was already downstairs and I know DC was tired, so I called (calmly) "No, I'm here now, but seriously, what's in it for me?". Reply- "well I'll get organized for school now and then in the morning I will get out easily and not make a whole lot of stress and miss the bus". I said "ok that's probably worth it". Got calculator. Delivered bag. Sheepish grin."Thanks Mom". Then I said " Do we agree that "what's in it for me?" is not a nice thing to say? "Yes mom, sorry".

The end.

Please ladies can you tell me how I did? Because I'm not sure whether I should be telling myself "awesome parenting moment", or "sucked in, doormat".

PinkFridge

Mon, Mar 02 2020, 1:19 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Please ladies can you tell me how I did? Because I'm not sure whether I should be telling myself "awesome parenting moment", or "sucked in, doormat".

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