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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
"what's in it for me?"
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 02 2020, 1:28 pm
My kid feels cared about when you do things for him. Some kids and adults feel like you love them if you get them a snack. Its just a personality type. I think you have to work with it in moderation. Some mornings I give my son a stack of clothes and put his snacks in his backpack. Other mornings I tell him, I am sorry I would love to help you but today you need to do it yourself.

I think all of one makes a kid lazy and all of the other leaves the kid feeling like no one cares about them. You have to use seichel.
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amother
Sapphire


 

Post Mon, Mar 02 2020, 2:05 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:


Please ladies can you tell me how I did? Because I'm not sure whether I should be telling myself "awesome parenting moment", or "sucked in, doormat".

AWESOME! Especially in the heat of the moment. Way better than snarkiness.
You should consider your overall relationship/behavior and judge by that, not this one time when you say DC was very tired.
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hodeez




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 02 2020, 2:31 pm
A+ OP. You have the patience of a thousand monks.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Mar 02 2020, 4:38 pm
So interesting. Reading this back in think I did pretty well. In fact it almost looks like I was just fishing for compliments. But honestly at the time I was mad at myself for feeling angry (even though I didn't react), and afterwards I wasn't sure if I had just been a doormat.

I think I'll try writing out this sort of thing again, it seems to be quite enlightening.

Thank you.
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Metukah




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 02 2020, 4:48 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:


Please ladies can you tell me how I did? Because I'm not sure whether I should be telling myself "awesome parenting moment", or "sucked in, doormat".


So unbelievably awesome.

My jaw's on the floor. Surprised Surprised
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 02 2020, 5:31 pm
amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:
AWESOME! Especially in the heat of the moment. Way better than snarkiness.
You should consider your overall relationship/behavior and judge by that, not this one time when you say DC was very tired.


This.
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amother
Puce


 

Post Mon, Mar 02 2020, 6:55 pm
personally I think doormat.
not only did teen not get the item you requested, (basic kibbud eim) she even managed to manipulate you into bringing her an item she wanted.
and in return she offered that she would not have a tantrum in the morning.
lovely
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 02 2020, 7:25 pm
amother [ Puce ] wrote:
personally I think doormat.
not only did teen not get the item you requested, (basic kibbud eim) she even managed to manipulate you into bringing her an item she wanted.
and in return she offered that she would not have a tantrum in the morning.
lovely


We don't know if she's manipulative.
Yes, she got some extra TLC. And also the knowledge that her mother won't be thrilled to hear that kind of language again.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 03 2020, 5:42 am
Good job OP. You got her to agree to speak nicer to you, and to behave better in the morning. Sure, she should be doing these things without prompting, but you take your little victories when you can find them. There are much bigger hills to die on, and this was not one of them. Of course, if you see a pattern forming, you'll have to be more firm with her.

It's OK to be angry! The important thing was that you controlled your temper, and got to a place where you could listen to her. She feels heard, and then you were able to get your point across.

May you only have continued success!
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 03 2020, 6:41 am
Op, I think you did great!
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oneofakind




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 03 2020, 8:47 am
Spectacular. Flexibility and reality check work very well. The proof of your success is your relationship is good and you still got your message across. We are allowed to occasionally do favors for our kids as long as they aren't taking advantage.
Humor also works well.
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