DH made his mom cry and I feel terrible

amother

Cerise

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 2:32 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

I was referring to a poster who called the MIL's tears manipulative. Yet these same posters
deny that children's tantrums are manipulative.

Oh God, a child doesn't know better. An adult hopefully does.
I hope you're not this way with your marrieds.

amother

Apricot

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 2:38 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

I was referring to a poster who called the MIL's tears manipulative. Yet these same posters
deny that children's tantrums are manipulative.

I don't know if you are referring to me. Crying when you don't get your way is often manipulative. I don't see that the couple here is throwing a tantrum. They are saying that this isn't a good week for them to go away. That's not a tantrum. It's an expression of a preference. I want my married kids to feel free to visit and I want them to feel free to decline if it's not a good time. An invitation should not be a royal summons.

Laiya

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 2:40 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

Tell her you have mikva night. She won't ask for a reason why you can't come again.

I can't tell if this was meant seriously or not, but if it was, putting aside the inappropriateness issue, why would you assume that MIL wouldn't ask for a reason the next time? Or that mikvah night would be deemed acceptable to her?

Laiya

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 2:54 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Funny how the same people who claim parents are manipulative deny that children ever are.

You're right. We need to treat others with respect and empathy, and also maintain firm boundaries, whether our children or our parents.

amother

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 3:28 pm

op here. First of all he didn't NOT give the reason . This was the second phone call she made to ask and by the first he said I'm not sure because it's a busy week. As the week got even crazier she asked again because he didnt give a final answer( because we do like to go , not often but almost always when invited) and that's when he didn't specify again because he she knew!! Anyway she is not a widow. Her relationship with her husband was never good but they are together. dh is frustrated with her because he feels she always pulls a guilt trip in him. He loves going..and we do! THat a the funny part. His words after the phone call were " she has no one to fulfill her needs but I cant". She was genuinely hurt but her pain is deeper than this epsode. He said she doesn't bend and that's why she has issues with my father in law. Which I agree. Now for the record. I feel bad not guilty. for both. Also I will absolutely not get in the middle of is totally not my place. I try to be nice for them all but there is too much...I just wanted your advice if there is something to be done.

amother

Taupe

Thu, Mar 05 2020, 8:16 am

My mom cries easily. I used to give in but I learned that I don't have to cater to her every whim just because she will be upset . It's more than ok for me to make my own yom tov or not be up to traveling . That's part of being an adult and making your own decisions.