Errands on the way home from carpool

amother

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 6:06 pm

When doing afternoon carpool, is it right to stop and do a quick errand if a teenager stays in the car with the kids?
My kids are complaining that the carpool driver does this from time to time and they need to sit in the car and do nothing for 15 minutes (they could be exaggerating).
We live very close to the school (less than 10 minutes).
Do my kids have a valid complaint? What's your opinion?

amother

Gray

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 6:14 pm

I’d be okay with happening occasionally (like once a year!) but more often than that... not okay

amother

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 6:18 pm

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

I’d be okay with happening occasionally (like once a year!) but more often than that... not okay

How about once a week or once in 2 weeks?
My children want me to speak with the driver but I don't feel comfortable doing so.

amother

Gray

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 6:23 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How about once a week or once in 2 weeks?
My children want me to speak with the driver but I don't feel comfortable doing so.

Unless there are extenuating circumstances (her husband is in the hospital and this is the only time she can do errands or something)... your kids are right and this is really not okay.

I live in a carpool town and have carpooled multiple children over the past decade + and doing errands during carpool is not acceptable.

SixOfWands

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 6:24 pm

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

Agreed.

In an emergency, sure. But in non-emergency situations, she can run her errands before pickup or after dropoff.

s c

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 6:25 pm

Def not ok unless it's a one off and a 3 minute unavoidable errand - 15 mins is way too long to leave little kids on their way home from school (or any time).

mha3484

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 6:26 pm

I agree. I would be very unhappy unless the parent is doing me a huge favor taking my kid home I would say something. This is one of a few reasons that I dont carpool.

notshanarishona

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 6:33 pm

Once a month not a big deal, especially if it's only a few minutes . Every week I would complain .

gingie37

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 6:51 pm

I’d be upset and definitely wouldn’t want kids left alone in the car for 15 minutes. Carpools job is to bring the kids straight home, and unless she gets your explicit permission, I would make a big deal out of it. Your kids are clearly uncomfortable with what’s going on, don’t discount their feelings here.

amother

Khaki

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 6:54 pm

1. Its not fair for kids to have to wait. 15 is a long time to sit in a car and wait.
2. Technically the driver is responsible for all those she is driving even if there is a teen "watching"-- say the car gets carjacked etc. Not smart for a variety of reasons.
3. Once a month is pretty frequent.

watergirl

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 6:55 pm

My afternoon carpool makes stops all the time on the way home and has the kids come out of the car and go with her. She never asks me if its ok first and it makes me crazy. But she knows I wont leave the carpool because then I will be really stuck.

amother

Lavender

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 7:05 pm

watergirl wrote:

Sometimes we have to live with things that are no ok, and as long as all are safe that’s fine.

That said op I think you owe it to your kids to validate their frustration, what if one needs the bathroom or is hungry? Waiting in a car is super annoying. Then I would mention it once to the other parent. I understand if you don’t want to burn your bridges and insist, but mentioning it nicely to let her know it’s not ok.

amother

Sapphire

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 7:14 pm

Honestly, I'd be mad. If you're less than 10 minutes from school she can drop your kids off first and then do her errands. Once or twice a year, fine. A regular thing - NO. And 15 minutes in a store is not a quick errand. People running in fast for one thing don't take 15 minutes. 15 minutes is my regular shopping. Ridiculous.

amother

Babypink

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 7:20 pm

Good advice!
Maybe you can say something true like your kids need the bathroom, have an extracurricular, have plans with their grandmother or something that necessitates them getting home on time straight from school.
That can be a diplomatic way to let her know that this is not ok and hopefully she will agree right away and not do it anymore.

amother

Khaki

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 7:32 pm

This sounds like a situation where you can't rely on hints or beating around the bush. I think you need to say it straight out. "Can you try to make sure you come straight home from school without making any stops? I don't want my kids to have to wait an extra 15 minutes on the way."

gingleale

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 8:25 pm

Nope not ok. The only time I would be ok with that situation would be if the driver let you know up front BEFORE you agreed to carpool that she would always need to run errands on the way home.

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 8:38 pm

I'm going to be the odd one out, but I don't think waiting 15 minutes once a week will harm them. Some people are crazy busy and literally have no time to run these small errands. The kids will be fine and will learn to be patient. So carpool takes 15-20 minutes instead of 5? Totally ok

amother

Khaki

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 8:57 pm

In reality though, it's gonna be more than 15 min. By the time you factor in parking, pulling out, etc it's probably more like 20-25. Also, most carpooling is already more than 5 minutes. Where I live, it's more like 20-25 minutes. So you're talking kids coming home close to an hour after dismissal time. Not fair to do it on the backs of the kids, it's not their responsibility to lighten the load of a busy adult.
ETA: do it on the backs of your own kids. Not somebody else's.

amother

Wed, Mar 04 2020, 9:14 pm

I really appreciate all the responses.
I thought my kids were spoiled because I tend to make them my top priority and I thought maybe they can't understand the concept of too bad you're a kid and adults have things to do which may inconvenience you.
But reading the responses I see it's not so crazy to expect the driver to bring them home right away.

How do I diplomatically and directly bring it up with her? I can see her dismissing it and laughing it off as if it's no big deal. I can't lie either.
But my kids come home in a really bad mood on the days she makes stops on the way.
I can offer to do the afternoon carpool instead of morning but that's very hard for me and I'm not always around at that time.