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Bankruptcy due to tuition
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 7:39 am
We are fast approaching a breaking point. I have income BH but our tuition vastly exceeds our ability to pay. We've been surviving on cc but we are quickly approaching the point of maxing out and then not being able to make the payments.

Homeschooling is not an option. I make more than dh but he's not capable. We have tried.

Cutting back spending, we already live in a cheap area with cheap housing. We do spend a lot on transportation costs but that's not something that can easily be changed.

We already pay a discount rate, it's just that we have a lot of kids.

Getting a new job or taking on more PT jobs also not an option. I'm making about as much as I can expect to make in my field plus work 2-3 side jobs.
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amother




Mistyrose
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 7:58 am
Get out of that school and find another one that will assess and have you pay only what you can afford. We have guidelines through Federation here of what percentage of take home pay a family is required to pay. I know ppl who pay nothing, ppl with 6 kids paying $500/month etc. I would never allow ourselves to get into a situation bordering on bankruptcy just to pay for school. Definitely meet with the tuition committee. That's a very dangerous way to live especially with kids. Unexpected things can come up where you need money.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 8:17 am
amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:
Get out of that school and find another one that will assess and have you pay only what you can afford. We have guidelines through Federation here of what percentage of take home pay a family is required to pay. I know ppl who pay nothing, ppl with 6 kids paying $500/month etc. I would never allow ourselves to get into a situation bordering on bankruptcy just to pay for school. Definitely meet with the tuition committee. That's a very dangerous way to live especially with kids. Unexpected things can come up where you need money.


Not an option. There are 2 schools in our area and we already send to the one that will work with us. The other doesn't budge an inch on tuition.

We pay $3000/month which is relatively cheap compared to what some ppl pay. But as a share of our total income it's way too high.
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amother




Ivory
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 8:57 am
Is there a rav you can speak to to intervene with the school?
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amother




Salmon
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 10:59 am
All anyone can offer is sympathy because your posts indicate that there is nothing you can do to raise your income or lower your expenses.

There isn't a magic formula that will magically provide you with the means to support your expenses and unfortunately most people don't win the lottery which is why lotteries are good revenue sources for the government.
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amother




Linen
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 11:00 am
Can your husband homeschool? It doesn't need to be the mother. Even if you just do for a year to give some breathing space.
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amother




Wheat
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 11:48 am
We have this where I live. Many people send to public school and the schools just shrug their shoulders. I don’t blame them entirely.

Also, this is why my husband doesn’t want more kids. Already we pay nearly $80,000.
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amother




Babypink
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 11:50 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Not an option. There are 2 schools in our area and we already send to the one that will work with us. The other doesn't budge an inch on tuition.

We pay $3000/month which is relatively cheap compared to what some ppl pay. But as a share of our total income it's way too high.


Is moving to a community with more schools and cheaper tuition an option?
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octopus




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 11:52 am
This is so insane!!! I feel for you!!
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Librarian




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 11:58 am
I heard a term "tuition based family planning" and I totally get it!
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 12:00 pm
Meet with a Rav or Askan for advice.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 12:02 pm
amother [ Babypink ] wrote:
Is moving to a community with more schools and cheaper tuition an option?


I don't know. I get brain freeze when I try to think about it.

We moved out of ny for lower cost of living. But in NY we were saving on other things to offset that. No car expenses for example.

But how to go back to living in a shoe box when we got used to living in a house? I can't even think about it. And housing has gone up so much since we left that we'd be paying triple for the same shoebox.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 12:05 pm
amother [ Linen ] wrote:
Can your husband homeschool? It doesn't need to be the mother. Even if you just do for a year to give some breathing space.


We tried at different points and it just didn't work out. The kids did nothing all day. I wish he could work and I could homeschool but I'm the main earner.
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amother




Babypink
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 12:07 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I don't know. I get brain freeze when I try to think about it.

We moved out of ny for lower cost of living. But in NY we were saving on other things to offset that. No car expenses for example.

But how to go back to living in a shoe box when we got used to living in a house? I can't even think about it. And housing has gone up so much since we left that we'd be paying triple for the same shoebox.


Many times living OOT comes out more expensive then living in NY/NJ. There are places in NY/NJ with cheap housing.
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amother




Salmon
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 12:23 pm
I understand the phenomena of brain freeze when one is in a difficult financial situation. For me, I would become so panicked that I couldn't deal with running out the possibilities so I just went from day to day.

I don't know what the economics are for you in terms of which alternative would lower your expenses while not cutting income. Everything factors in - salary; housing; tuition. If possible break it down into a chart of actual expenses as that might be less emotionally overwhelming.

However, you do need to realize that something has to give. Perhaps you ca't really afford the large house if less expensive living expenses are offset by higher tuition and commute. Maybe there is cheaper housing available or maybe you have to live in a smaller "box" because tuition is that much lower. You are the only one who knows exactly how much everything would cost.

However - you do have to let go of the idea that you are entitled to certain things. Private school is a luxury and in order to afford that luxury you need to either make a LOT of money or be willing to sacrifice other stuff in order to afford the luxury. If tuition is a priority then you need to figure out how to cut expenses because it is not feasible to continue to spend more than you make with no expectation that you will be making significantly more in the near future.
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 12:25 pm
amother [ Salmon ] wrote:
I understand the phenomena of brain freeze when one is in a difficult financial situation. For me, I would become so panicked that I couldn't deal with running out the possibilities so I just went from day to day.

I don't know what the economics are for you in terms of which alternative would lower your expenses while not cutting income. Everything factors in - salary; housing; tuition. If possible break it down into a chart of actual expenses as that might be less emotionally overwhelming.

However, you do need to realize that something has to give. Perhaps you ca't really afford the large house if less expensive living expenses are offset by higher tuition and commute. Maybe there is cheaper housing available or maybe you have to live in a smaller "box" because tuition is that much lower. You are the only one who knows exactly how much everything would cost.

However - you do have to let go of the idea that you are entitled to certain things. Private school is a luxury and in order to afford that luxury you need to either make a LOT of money or be willing to sacrifice other stuff in order to afford the luxury. If tuition is a priority then you need to figure out how to cut expenses because it is not feasible to continue to spend more than you make with no expectation that you will be making significantly more in the near future.


This is truly one of the nastiest posts I've ever read on imamother.
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amother




Linen
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 12:25 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
We tried at different points and it just didn't work out. The kids did nothing all day. I wish he could work and I could homeschool but I'm the main earner.

Maybe you could hire a tutor or private teacher. It would still come out cheaper. I have a friend who was hired to teach homeschooled kids because the parents couldn't.
Is your husband currently working?
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amother




Linen
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 12:27 pm
Vermillion that was a harsh post but not what I'd call nasty. I've read way harsher on here seriously. Sounds like she was trying to give a reality check albeit not in a as gentle way as she could have. No reason to slam her.
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 12:29 pm
amother [ Linen ] wrote:
Vermillion that was a harsh post but not what I'd call nasty. I've read way harsher on here seriously. Sounds like she was trying to give a reality check albeit not in a as gentle way as she could have. No reason to slam her.


Ok it's a big world we can agree to disagree.

I think it was nasty and completely uncalled for. She knows she can't afford living normally, don't have to rub it in. May you never be in her position.
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amother




Salmon
 

Post  Sun, Mar 08 2020, 12:31 pm
amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:
This is truly one of the nastiest posts I've ever read on imamother.


Seriously how is it nasty?

I have been in tough financial situations and commiserated that it puts one in a place that makes it difficult to think about it to plan an action because one is in such a state of panic that it is easier to just not think about solutions at all.

Tuition is a *luxury* in the sense that it is expensive and in order to afford it, one has to cut expenses in other areas. Most middle class people do not send to private school so for Frum people of relatively modest means, this would mean that one would have to live more frugally than secular people with similar incomes who send to public schools. That is just reality so one makes a decision where to cut expenses and how.

You can't spend more than. you make - whatever one is spending it on. If something is a priority like tuition, then one has to figure out how to pay for it - find lower tuition; lower expenses or raise income?

How is this nasty?
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